Panicking about downsizing, talk me down please!

[cathyandclaire]

We live in a big old house, loads of floors, rooms etc. It's beautiful but it's huge and our DDs are 17 and 19, one at Uni one boarding at sixth form and the two of us rattle around it. So we were thinking of moving to something smaller, have found a lovely house, still big enough for kids/grandkids in the future. I got all excited and positive, we'd be mortgage free, more money for fun and travel.

We've signed with the EA and having pics next week-but now I'm so, so sad at leaving the place where we bought up our kids, getting rid of loads of furniture
pathetically imagining a marquee on the lawn for the DDs' weddings, we haven't even started showing people around and I was up in the wee small hours crying. It's the right thing to do, right?

I love a drawer of rolled clothes but it takes some retraining!

Can you make a list of pro's and cons for each house?

It's beautiful! But enormous for 2 of you. Presumably you'll be downsizing to somewhere that's still lovely?

I know the feeling, we are also considering it as it will just be two of us soon.
On the one hand I think oh my grandchildren can come here, otoh I think that could be a while away and in the meantime we'll be rattling around with lots of unused rooms.

We've just downsized and bought a flat at the seaside for holidays as well as a smaller main home in town. It's amazing! We are saving over £700 per month in mortgage payments, the children love going to the holiday house and I no longer feel like I can't maintain my house/garden.

We are still decluttering and the garage is packed but we're being methodical and going room by room getting rid of stuff we don't need. We're even buying nice new furniture as old place had lots of built in storage.

Yes, I cried when I said goodbye to the old house but my memories are still there and day to day I really don't miss it. Good luck!

Do it!
We are a week away from completion on leaving the large family home of 27 years! No regrets, but a little sad. Still got all the fun memories.
At the moment making new ones with GCs at our seaside holiday home, before exchanging on the downsizer!
The worst thing is clearing out and getting rid of stuff. Don't downsize too small, otherwise you will feel on top of each other.

You will feel liberated.

We did it, and I worried just like you. In the end, the saying 'home is where the heart is' is very true. My kids visit, the grandchildren visit, and it's where we are, so it's home.
I don't give a stuff where I am, if my family is around, it's home.

Are you moving areas? Is it the physical house or friends / neighbours that you are worried about leaving behind?

My friends Mum downsized at 70 to free up £100k - so she could spend £10k/year of fab holidays which she might not be physically able to do at 80 ... I though this was a brilliant idea.

Unless you are absolutely certain it's the right thing and the house you're looking to downsize to is perfect, I say don't do it.

We downsized almost nine years ago when we were about 40 and DS had just gone off to uni. Our house was not as large - it was a 3500 sq ft detached Victorian with six beds over various floors/mezzanines - but we'd restored it from four flats back to a beautiful characterful house, doing most of the work ourselves and we were very attached to it.

In selling up we became mortgage-free as the house we bought next was considerably smaller and in a less popular area. The freedom from feeling as though the bank owned us/our house was great, but we have deeply regretted our decision ever since. I think we did it too early and we've spent the past few years trying to get back what we lost. No house we've bought since - and there have been three interesting, period houses (Tudor, Georgian, Arts & Crafts) - has come close to the feeling that one had. Admittedly we changed areas too which was the worst thing we could have done. DS rarely visits as we're too far away and we miss him like crazy. We can't go back as we're now priced out of the area plus wouldn't want/couldn't get another mortgage.......

It's so hard to know what's the right thing to do - GL with your decision

Aaaaaaaghhhhhh.
Thank-you all, your comments have really made me think.
The place we may buy is in the same area, probably in a better village, just a smaller house. My concern is the feeling on top of each other thing, we have so much space now and having family to stay at Xmas for e.g. never feels oppressive.
Raphaella thank-you for sharing, you have really made me think, your experience is exactly what I fear.

I grew up in a house like that and it was bloody cold, sucked up money like a sponge and had a ghost everyone thought it was amazing but in the dead of winter I cursed it up and down the land.

I did Kondo last year too- and my drawers are still just as orderly as when I first did them. It really worked!

I've just done it! Well, almost five weeks ago.
Can honestly say it's been the best decision I've ever made. Yes there were tears from both me and my grown up daughter the night before I left the previous house, and a few tears from our lovely neighbours. However, I've honestly never been happier, the cottage is beautiful, living in the countryside is amazing. I have no mortgage and the house is easier to keep clean and tidy. Really just enjoying it being all mine and having to only consider myself ( selfish I know but I do honestly deserve it after a traumatic last year!)
Go for it!

Can you write the pros and cons of staying nd going down ? I know it sounds silly but sometimes it's easybtoy over look things. It's also easy to dwell on the past as you know what that held and harder to think about the future potential.

Something to consider is that with rising property costs, a lot of kids end up moving back home after uni. Maybe while they try and find employment, maybe to try and save for a house. Personally I wouldn't consider it a fully empty nest until the kids had established themselves in their own homes (rental or bought) and settled in employment. I know of plenty of empty nests that became full again. It sounds like your new home will have room for the kids to have their own rooms, so this may be a mute point. Additionally you may be in a better position to financially support your kids in the smaller home.

The other thing to bare in mind, is being at sixth form is still very young, have you checked your DC is onboard with losing her childhood bedroom? You need to ensure she doesn't feel kicked out of the nest. Note for some universities it is common to come back home in the holidays, in which case she may start living with your more, and want to be near any friends she has in the area (although having been in boarding school may make this less of an issue).

These aren't deciding factors, just things to consider with regards to timing, which may or may not be relevant in your situation. Good luck with whatever you choose!

DD2 is sad about the family home, the new house is big enough for them to have rooms and also has a guest annexe type thing if one/both of them move home. She's only just started boarding ( for sixth form) so friends near here but new house is close.
One drip-feedy (sorry) aspect is that we have a v v small flat in London that we can't afford to use at the moment. If we downsized we could spend some time there, which would be lovely if the girls study/live there.
Having said all that the SALE signs went up and I felt sick and DH actually pulled the nearest one up

The point about DCs having their own homes is a good one. We waited until ours had their own. They did keep bouncing back between jobs, living abroad and moving their own homes.
Our downsize will still be big enough to accommodate them, at a pinch! ( means they won't stay long!)