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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Having friend round for tea...

35 replies

SolidGoldBrass · 25/02/2010 15:32

How do you start the ball rolling on this? I am at a loss. DS is in reception, happy and mixing well and I do think he would enjoy having a few friends round now and again. But I don't know any of the other parents, so would like to hear how the rest of you got this sort of thing going.

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sb6699 · 25/02/2010 16:22

Just ask

If the other parents dont know you very well it might be polite to invite them along for the first visit.

Tbh, I found that once the first parent started invited other children for tea, they all started and DD1 is now at a friends house at least one day after school which I think is fab. The downside is that it means I have to join in with hosting these things

PixieOnaLeaf · 25/02/2010 16:36

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AMumInScotland · 25/02/2010 16:37

Do you see the other parents at picking up time? If so, get your DS to point out the parent of a child he'd like to invite over, then you just go across and say "Hi - I'm SGB, we'd like to invite Freddy over one afternoon". Mostly you'll find your ofer taken up with open arms, as everyone is usually keen to do it but uncofortable being the first one to suggest it. It's trickier if you don't actually see them in person though!

Strix · 25/02/2010 17:37

It all startred for me at birthday parties. And now there's no going back. In year 1 we embarked on the slumber party. What was I thinking?!?!?

mummyindisguise · 25/02/2010 18:18

See, heres the thing - I think my family must be odd - or it is a clash of cultures...???

i would think a playdate is just that. after school till 5.30, maybe 6 at the latest. This would include afternoon tea/snack. but NOT dinner. We eat at 6ish. I honestly cant imagine serving the main evening meal at 4.30 or 5pm. But then again, we dont do supper either.

So i think I would be if ds went somewhere and had eaten 'dinner' and would be at a total loss!! pmsl. Equally I imagine some parents would be ranting and raving (possibly on MN!!) that i hadnt fed their child their 'tea'!!!

If someone is here at still 6, then i quite often ask them if they at to stay for dinner, but i see afternoon playdate as different to dinner, iyswim?

But then again, I am still at the stage where ds's parents come round as well an stay (preschool age) so this is a minefield i have yet to t enter (with all my ignorance firmly strapped on!! LOL)

Flightattendant · 25/02/2010 18:29

SGB, don't do it! Just had our first. Oh My Good Lord.

arghhhhhhh

Oh and in the middle of it ds2 decided to drink the crystal garden from the sideboard, necessitating my interrupting the sacred computer game to open a tab and search for a number for British Fossils, to establish that he had not just swallowed magnesium sulphate but limestone.

Just DON'T do it.

ILovePlayingDarts · 25/02/2010 19:37

I knew my ds had been talking about one particular new friend, so I identified his friend's mum, went over and asked if XX could come to tea. Just did basic sausage & mash, etc. It went down well, and ds has just spent one day of half term back with XX. I'm planning on reciprocating at Easter, have couple of ideas.

Angeliz · 25/02/2010 19:43

When i have play dates (which is quite often mine are 3,5 +9, i often get all the kids to make a pizza. shop bought bases, tomato, cheese peppers onions, they love it and get fed too.
It's just jumping in with both feet and asking at first though. Helps greatly if you hit it off with the Mam!! My dd2 has a great litle friend since September and her Mam is one of the nicest women i've met in ages so i love a coffee and a chat.

cat64 · 25/02/2010 20:00

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Flyonthewindscreen · 25/02/2010 20:09

I would find a note from a parent I didn't know asking my child to go round a bit odd tbh. If you aren't at pick up/drop off waiting for an opportunity such as a party to introduce yourself to your DS's friends parents and arrange a playdate would be better imo.

onepieceoflollipop · 25/02/2010 20:15

I am at the school for pick up 2 days each week (work p/t so not there all the time)

Anyway, with dd (who is now in year one) I asked her who she liked playing with. Then I ask her to point out the other mother/parent and try and chat to them (just hello type chat). If all seems ok I would tentatively say that dd might like to invite x round for tea/play. If this is well received then I would offer to let them have my number.

Sometimes this has meant giving dd a note to put in the other child's bag. It's then up to the other parent to contact me. If they don't then it's no big deal as we haven't made any commitment etc.

The other thing we did in the summer was dd's friend invited her to the park. The other mother rang me and we all went together. It's another way of breaking the ice.

In our house mealtimes vary. If having a visiting child until 5.30/6pm then I would feed them even if it meant it was a bit inconvenient. unless the other parent made it v clear that the child would have main meal on return home. Also, slighly off topic, lots of dd's friends are fussy eaters so I keep the food very simple like fish fingers, bread and butter etc.

LadyG · 25/02/2010 20:23

DS usually says 'Can 'x' to come to my house to play' I usually find the mum or dad at pick up/ drop off (only do 2 days as work part-time) and swap numbers and then arrange something. They'll be completely crazy and pull every toy out for two hours but will then crash at bedtime-bliss. We have about 3 'regulars' who seem to be his best mates and he is quite happy at all of their houses too.

NorbertDentressangle · 25/02/2010 20:30

One thing I would add is that if you are not going to feed the visiting child you must make it clear to the Mum.

Generally 'playdates' here seem to be from after school until 6pm and have always included dinner/tea/whatever you call it.

I would find it odd if my child had been at someones house 'til 6pm but not eaten. We don't usually eat until 6ish but when we have visiting children we eat earlier to accommodate them

RoseWater · 25/02/2010 20:39

I always invite the parent to come round with the child first time to ensure that the child isn't unhappy at being left and the parent knows we're not weirdos.

I got to know one of my very favourite friends this way - our DC1 were in reception together and have remained friends all the way through school - our DC2 are the same age and have been friends since tiny.

Flightattendant · 25/02/2010 20:44

Have now decided that the only way to do this is to go somewhere together - you and the other parent, both kids - and only if you get on with other parent!

That way it is neutral territory, you can share the childcare for instance one person goes to the loo while other holds fort, and one of you is always nearer to any particular incident and can cover it while the actual parent dashes over to administer comfort.

It's great. Having the child on its own at this age is just, well, a risk.
If you know them well and they know you know their mum, etc etc it is better and more efficient all round. But this takes some building.

I am dreading ds being a teenager and having really horrible friends. What do you do? Chuck them out to hang around the local park? Oh dear.

Original poster

SolidGoldBrass · 25/02/2010 21:22

I think the idea of going somewhere with DC friend and friend's parent is a good one. I suppose I am partly flapping a bit as most of the other mums seem to be about 20 years younger than me and either all know eeach other or keep themselves strictly to themselves...

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cat64 · 25/02/2010 22:03

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seeker · 25/02/2010 22:12

I really don't understand why this is all so complicated. If your dc wans a friend home, you ask yours to point out the other child's mum/dad/whatever. You sar Dc would like your dc to come over - what about sometime next week? We're free on Wednesday, Thursday and friday. Friday? that's fine. Yes, 6.30 would be fine to pick him up"

Then on Friday you put a bit more garlic bread in the oven and another handful of pasta in the pan and bob's your uncle.

Clary · 26/02/2010 00:50

aha seeker knew you would be here - "another handful of pasta" I'm right with you.

Seriously OP, just ask which child, ID child and parent and ask.

We always do tea (at about 5pm ish) and often run a playdate into Brownies/Beavers etc - handy cause they start at 6pm so we have a clear time to get going.

Those who eat later, I presume your DC don't eat after Brownies for instance (which ends at 7.30pm here)?

Surely lots of 4 and 5 yos are in bed by about 7pm anyway?

Original poster

SolidGoldBrass · 26/02/2010 09:56

I think I may have used the phrase 'round for tea' without really thinking about the actual feeding aspect, as it was the general phrase used when I were a nipper: what I was thinking of is more having Little SO&so round for an hour or two after school.
Will see who I can identify next week...

OP posts:

luciemule · 26/02/2010 10:06

SGB - Tea doesn't have to be fnatastic either - get them both to make their own mini pizza (keeps them occupied for a while) or give them a bowl of cheesey pasta and sweetcorn. I reckon most parents aren't really bothered about how elaborate the tea is when their DC is out to play.
If had to pick my DS up at 6pm, then I'd be a bit annoyed if he hadn't had any tea but up until half five, I'd be okay as long as he'd a snack after school. He's a terro if he doesn't eat a snack after school and the poor friend's mum wouldn't be happy!!

seeker · 27/02/2010 08:54

If you have a child round to play after school of course you feed them! Why on earth wouldn't you? Apart from anything else, it means that when yours gors round theirs you don't have to feed yours!

Original poster

SolidGoldBrass · 27/02/2010 12:07

Seeker: Um, partly because DS is in reception and they finish school at 2.30pm which is a bit early for tea or at least for more than some biscuits and fruit.

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mustrunmore · 27/02/2010 12:13

Where do you live that school finishes at 2.30pm? I was going to say that a playdate should of course include tea, at 5pmish, pick up 6pm. We've always done it that way, its an unspoken given. But then again, we finish 3.30 and get home 4pm, so friends are here for 2hours in ettect. So that would mean on your timings, they around teatime! So I dont know what I'd do! Prob still keep them till 6. But if you donr eat till 6, then I think you need to check if thatsthe norm for the friends too?

Original poster

SolidGoldBrass · 27/02/2010 12:49

We live in Croydon, but I think it may be particular to this school as DS' friend up the road who goes to a different school finishes at 3pm

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