Merton Abbey/South Wimbeldon(?)Mn-ers ...

[hbfac]

... could you give me advice about primary schools in this area?

Dd is at a primary school already and ... things aren't going well.

I've angsted about this (under a variety of names, I haven't settled on 'the one' yet,) for about two years but have come to the realisation I must consider changing her school.

I'm terrified of getting things wrong again; I really am slightly disbelieving that I'm at the point of considering changing her school, so please, could I ask for recommendations/descriptions of schools around here?

Also, we're across the border/out of borough. Does anyone have any insights as to how the system for admissions after reception works?

Tyia.

Small, sad, depressed little bump.

Pleeeease help. you can use false names ... CAT me ... .

I know you're out there ... gazing at the falling snow.

Pondering on gathering the huskies for a trip to M and S ... .

Poor you-haven't got much comfort, but don't like to think of you staring hopefully all morning with no replies!
The Wimbledon schools are so oversubscribed, I don't know what chanceyou stand of a place, especially if you're out of borough- are you Wandsworth?
Have a look on lea website- or even ring schools you're interested in.
How old is dd?

How much do I love you for replying, deddei?

DD is 6. Yes, I've started doing the telephone research, and a few visits but I think the sheer awfulness of the current situation has sort of frozen me. Apart from anything else, it's as though it's destabilised my trust in my own judgment - hence really, really wanting to hear from other parents what a school/schools are "like".

It's crazy, really, because the fact is, I could tell on my initial visit dd's school was a bit odd - but my dh is a bit Fiona Millar-ish and absolutely insisted on the local school, even though she could have had a place at a school I liked a great deal more, and I think would have suited her better. And I guess that should make me feel more confident about my judgment, rather than less, because my suspicions were correct. But it doesn't.

Yes, we are some way from Wimbledon (sounds like a faux- country and western song!) - I'm hoping there is a wonderful school, that, somehow, extends the nets of its waiting lists some distance come yr 2/yr 3. Somebody suggested looking towards the land of the Wombles because there are quite a few good primaries and, consequently, the desire to move schools is diminished. Don't know if that's true.

Gosh, thank you for permitting me to ramble. And thank you for replying.

Hi

I'm in Merton Park - my boys are way beyond primary school age, but I can tell you that we have several very good primaries. Problem is, as has been said, they are all over subscribed, so I doubt you'll stand a chance, unless you have any particular reason for being considered. Would you consider moving?

Biwi - Hello! Thank you for answering. I spotted you on the London snow thread and was telepathically trying to "will" you here. It worked! I have ... powers.

Which schools would you recommend? And what's their "feel"?

DD is 6, so it's a transfer rather than straightforward admission. Oddly enough, the Merton schools are nearer than most of the non-faith school in our local borough, which is one reason I started looking Merton-wards.

But ... I know that means nothing, except that dd's low down on the waiting list for lots of schools (dry laugh). It's almost funny, we seem to be surrounded by good (thus over-subscribed, even in yr 2) schools, but just, tantalisingly, too far to actually get a place.

Merton has a different system for waiting lists and the school/admission service I spoke to weren't able to tell me how many dc were on waiting-lists for various schools. And I know v. little about the schools in Merton. For some reason my (actually quite impressive!) network of informants breaks down somewhere along the 57 bus route.

So I would really, really, really love some insights/recommendations just so that I can get a few landmarks in an unfamiliar terrain.

Any comments would be really welcome. Thanks.

Actually, that's another thing I'd love to ask.

When I 'phoned the council re. admissions, the woman I spoke to suggested that primary transfers are not straightforward AND that preference is given to in-borough residents AND that I had to state reasons for wishing to transfer.

Is that true?

I really feel squeamish about detailing what's been happening at home that has made us realise how unhappy dd is. And I don't want to 'diss' her current school. Iyswim. I don't know why. It just goes against my feelings of loyalty to her, and ... i just don't like complaining.

I guess I was hoping the system might be like a "no-fault" divorce.

Crazy, really.

Thanks BIWI - I will try CAT-ing. If it doesn't happen this afternoon, it will be tonight - when the tech support arrives home ... which might be 10pm by the look of things!

P. S. - Deaddei - hope you're holding up under the strain of the wait for secondary school places.

Are you towards Tooting then hbfac? Nearest you would be Garfield
(ok) and that one that has become really good in Colliers Wood (racks brain for names).

if you really want the move I think you'll just have to open up and put everything down.

It might be easier to get her into a good enough one rather than a ridiculously popular one iyswim?

OOh it's spooky how you knowthings about us1
The chances of ds going to grammar are virtually nil, so I don't think there will be any surprises on March 1st!!!! What a nightmare.
Is there nothing in your own borough?
I echo BIWI- Pelham excellent, Wimbledon Chase- heard good things.

Singlegate- is that the one you're thinking of DE? Really good. Very ,er, flamboyant head.
Garfield just had loads of building work but VERY odd head.

Yes have heard that too about the head at garfield deaddei - parents I know there though are very happy with the atmosphere at the school.

I'm assuming you've spoken to her existing school about the situation and had no joy? I think it's really brave of you to face up to the idea of moving school. I'm sure many parents just carry on and hope things will get better, but of course different schools do suit different children.

hbfac where do you actually live? There are lots of good primary schools in the borough, mostly oversubscribed, but if you are concerned about your DD's happiness then surely the distance you will travel needs to be a consideration too, especially as this will have a knock on effect as she makes friends and wants to spend time with them?

I'd speak to Merton again and be sure of their policy and the likelihood of her getting a place at a school in the borough. Then I'd start visiting the schools to find the best one for your daughter, which may not be the one with the best Ofsted report, or even the most popular. Only you will know which one will be right for her. Then get on the waiting list and hope for the best!

Thank you, people!

Seriously, this has all been locked in my head for so long, it's actually an enormous relief to ... sort of ... talk about it.

Yes - I'm amazed how "real" you all are, and how i recognise you. Maybe that means I spend too much time on mn!

Yes, yes to "good enough" . Good enough would be good. It's hard to hear about "good enough" schools, though. I suppose that's where the fear comes from. I thought her current school would be "good enough", and was in for quite a shock. Actually, the whole experience has actually shaken some of my core beliefs.

Re. opening up. I find it so hard. I was going to try a bit of CBT, and try opening up in the relatively safe space of this thread. But I find that I am weirdly inhibited. Might try later on.

Thanks to all of you.

Anyone else, please feel free to join in.

Domesticextremist - You're correct about the area we live in.

Houseofmirth - yes to all of those. That's exactly why I'm so desperate for other people's opinions, though. I'm just worried about getting it wrong, so want ... what? ... a sort of conversation and a language so that I can bounce my own perceptions off them - and in them!

OK, so firstly can you pinpoint what is troubling you about the current school?

You could take her out os school Home ed till the emotional stuff settles then as she isnt at a borough school you would have higher priority. Or you could get medical evidence for the LEA why a move is imperative. Dont know if it would work

Thanks Mary. I think home edding while working might send me to the edge. But i will freely admit that knowing it's there as a last resort if things get really grim keeps me sane ... .

Seriously, though, am I being over the top? I felt/feel bad having written all that down. I can't decide whether it's worth the trauma and upset of a school move and whether I'm being PFB about it all. Though i do have an older dc, who attended a different school, and never had this trouble.

I don't know ... .

No I dont think you are being over the top the fact both you and your daughter are so affected says that. The school might be great for lots of peolple but obviously isnt for you. This doesn't make you bad or wrong. Reality is there is probibly lots of parents who feel the same way but when a school is popular sometimes herd mentality makes people rave about a school when the shouldnt. An option is to write everything down and write to the head saying you are thinking of moving schools with all the reasons and that your daughter has been to the GP and her problems are stress related and see what the response is. Some suggestions may be for a TA to do some small group activity with either just girls or a carefully selected group to try and give her more solid friendships within the class. Ds2 had a very difficult child in his year from reception to year 4. the whole atmosphere of the class has lifted since this child left.

Thank you Mary.

It's weird how stressed writing that made me. I really can no longer tell if I'm being OTT or not.

Love the suggestion re. small group activity. At the risk of pushiness, I'll ask about the possibility of that.

If all this has been going on then I would probably move her tbh - but you can only do it once - if she has the same problems at the next school then you would have to sort it out and look at other strategies.

I would get the doctors stuff in place written down if you can before you approach Merton again.

sounds like your DD is having a hard time and bruises must be v upsetting!! there seemed to be some implication that you might live in tooting in which case, have you considered broadwater school just off garratt lane? not an awe-inspiring ofsted but a nice place with a really friendly atmosphere and pretty reasonable results imo - not over-subscribed either given lack of awe-inspiring ofsted. my DD will hopefully be joining their nursery in sep and i'm really excited about it! FWIW my next door neighbour's kids all went there and have been successful in getting into graveney so says something for academic success for brighter kids if that's something to think about... good luck whatever you decide!

You aren't overreacting at all. It sounds like a very sad situation and of course whilst the school can't do anything about the lack of girls in your DD's class or make children be friends with her it also doesn't sound like they are doing as much as they could.

Although we all need to learn to get along with different kinds of people and deal with rejection and disappointment it sounds like your DD has tried as hard as she can and now it's time to try something else. And 6 is very little.

I can understand how torn you must feel. There seems to be a 'one size fits all' attitude to education where we must expect our children to fit in and get used to things but if she were an adult working in a company where she was unhappy then everyone would expect her to find a new job that better suited her, not put up with it for two years.

Good luck!