Merton Abbey/South Wimbeldon(?)Mn-ers ...

[hbfac]

... could you give me advice about primary schools in this area?

Dd is at a primary school already and ... things aren't going well.

I've angsted about this (under a variety of names, I haven't settled on 'the one' yet,) for about two years but have come to the realisation I must consider changing her school.

I'm terrified of getting things wrong again; I really am slightly disbelieving that I'm at the point of considering changing her school, so please, could I ask for recommendations/descriptions of schools around here?

Also, we're across the border/out of borough. Does anyone have any insights as to how the system for admissions after reception works?

Tyia.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Have you paid your £5 subscription?

Assuming that you have, find the person you want to CAT on the thread, and to the right of their posting name you'll see a button to click on that says 'contact poster'.

If you haven't paid, and you want to contact me, you can e-mail me directly on thestarrs at bt connect dot com. Obviously without the gaps!

(But now I've give you that, you don't need to use CAT anyway!)

[hbfac]

OK.

I'm a bit dim ...

Could anyone tell me how CAT works?

[LJBrownie]

definitely worth noting that both broadwater and sellincourt both had their last ofsted in first half of 2007 so a lot may have changed since then. both have results in line with UK averages and have good value add scores - given friendly environments, may well be good options!

[ZephirineDrouhin]

hbfac, I don't know how close it is to you, but I've just been looking at Sellincourt (having last minute dilemma over application for Sept). It doesn't have the greatest Ofsted report, but I think it's very good - lovely atmosphere, lots of emphasis on music and creativity, lots of parental involvement, and the parents I know who have children there are all very happy with it. It's on the Colliers Wood side of Tooting so might be an option for you?

So sorry you've been having such a nightmare. I hope you get something sorted soon. Do get in touch if I can help at all.

[hbfac]

Biwi (and others) it's good to hear that. I suppose I have started to think that this is the norm in most state schools, and that my ds was just fabulously lucky in the state school he attended because this sort of thing didn't happen.

The school's response has been, generally, to normalise many things that I had previously thought were unacceptable. After two years of this, I have to admit I was/am arriving at the conclusion I was a pushy, precious mother.

But your post indicates that this is NOT the norm. And of course, that further implies that we might be able to find a school where this isn't the norm!

Honestly, the whole situation has induced a kind of mental imbalance in me, where I no longer know what "normal" or "good" is.

[Btw, i really am going to CAT you - hopefully this evening. Thank you.]

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I was shocked when I read your post - not only at what has been going on (strangling?!), but that your school is seemingly not doing anything about it. This is outrageous and I really think you and your DH should be doing more about this - don't let the school make you feel like you're moaning, this is your child!

If you've discussed it with the doctor, I would be inclined to write a letter to the school and also that you've reported it to him/her, and if any future incidents happen - especially if there are any visible marks - that you will not only be photographing these, but that you will be going to see your GP again.

And see if your GP is prepared to get involved to help support you too.

I'm really on your behalf, and for your DD.

[hbfac]

Thank you everybody!

(And LJBrownie - who I haven't thanked personally before. I really will check that out.)

I will check out all those suggestions. I hope they'll allow me to visit.

Just to explain - I asked for my earlier posts to be removed because I found I was extremely anxious about being identified, and particularly my dd being identified. I just worried that it might lead to a worsening of a not very nice situation. But maybe I was over-worrying.

So, thank you again ... and if anyone else comes along, spots this thread and has any other suggestions - please add them! I'll be checking up on it.

[TheHouseofMirth]

You aren't overreacting at all. It sounds like a very sad situation and of course whilst the school can't do anything about the lack of girls in your DD's class or make children be friends with her it also doesn't sound like they are doing as much as they could.

Although we all need to learn to get along with different kinds of people and deal with rejection and disappointment it sounds like your DD has tried as hard as she can and now it's time to try something else. And 6 is very little.

I can understand how torn you must feel. There seems to be a 'one size fits all' attitude to education where we must expect our children to fit in and get used to things but if she were an adult working in a company where she was unhappy then everyone would expect her to find a new job that better suited her, not put up with it for two years.

Good luck!

[LJBrownie]

sounds like your DD is having a hard time and bruises must be v upsetting!! there seemed to be some implication that you might live in tooting in which case, have you considered broadwater school just off garratt lane? not an awe-inspiring ofsted but a nice place with a really friendly atmosphere and pretty reasonable results imo - not over-subscribed either given lack of awe-inspiring ofsted. my DD will hopefully be joining their nursery in sep and i'm really excited about it! FWIW my next door neighbour's kids all went there and have been successful in getting into graveney so says something for academic success for brighter kids if that's something to think about... good luck whatever you decide!

[domesticextremist]

If all this has been going on then I would probably move her tbh - but you can only do it once - if she has the same problems at the next school then you would have to sort it out and look at other strategies.

I would get the doctors stuff in place written down if you can before you approach Merton again.

[hbfac]

Thank you Mary.

It's weird how stressed writing that made me. I really can no longer tell if I'm being OTT or not.

Love the suggestion re. small group activity. At the risk of pushiness, I'll ask about the possibility of that.

[mary21]

No I dont think you are being over the top the fact both you and your daughter are so affected says that. The school might be great for lots of peolple but obviously isnt for you. This doesn't make you bad or wrong. Reality is there is probibly lots of parents who feel the same way but when a school is popular sometimes herd mentality makes people rave about a school when the shouldnt. An option is to write everything down and write to the head saying you are thinking of moving schools with all the reasons and that your daughter has been to the GP and her problems are stress related and see what the response is. Some suggestions may be for a TA to do some small group activity with either just girls or a carefully selected group to try and give her more solid friendships within the class. Ds2 had a very difficult child in his year from reception to year 4. the whole atmosphere of the class has lifted since this child left.

[hbfac]

Thanks Mary. I think home edding while working might send me to the edge. But i will freely admit that knowing it's there as a last resort if things get really grim keeps me sane ... .

Seriously, though, am I being over the top? I felt/feel bad having written all that down. I can't decide whether it's worth the trauma and upset of a school move and whether I'm being PFB about it all. Though i do have an older dc, who attended a different school, and never had this trouble.

I don't know ... .

[mary21]

You could take her out os school Home ed till the emotional stuff settles then as she isnt at a borough school you would have higher priority. Or you could get medical evidence for the LEA why a move is imperative. Dont know if it would work

[TheHouseofMirth]

OK, so firstly can you pinpoint what is troubling you about the current school?

[hbfac]

Houseofmirth - yes to all of those. That's exactly why I'm so desperate for other people's opinions, though. I'm just worried about getting it wrong, so want ... what? ... a sort of conversation and a language so that I can bounce my own perceptions off them - and in them!

[hbfac]

Thank you, people!

Seriously, this has all been locked in my head for so long, it's actually an enormous relief to ... sort of ... talk about it.

Yes - I'm amazed how "real" you all are, and how i recognise you. Maybe that means I spend too much time on mn!

Yes, yes to "good enough" . Good enough would be good. It's hard to hear about "good enough" schools, though. I suppose that's where the fear comes from. I thought her current school would be "good enough", and was in for quite a shock. Actually, the whole experience has actually shaken some of my core beliefs.

Re. opening up. I find it so hard. I was going to try a bit of CBT, and try opening up in the relatively safe space of this thread. But I find that I am weirdly inhibited. Might try later on.

Thanks to all of you.

Anyone else, please feel free to join in.

Domesticextremist - You're correct about the area we live in.

[TheHouseofMirth]

I'm assuming you've spoken to her existing school about the situation and had no joy? I think it's really brave of you to face up to the idea of moving school. I'm sure many parents just carry on and hope things will get better, but of course different schools do suit different children.

hbfac where do you actually live? There are lots of good primary schools in the borough, mostly oversubscribed, but if you are concerned about your DD's happiness then surely the distance you will travel needs to be a consideration too, especially as this will have a knock on effect as she makes friends and wants to spend time with them?

I'd speak to Merton again and be sure of their policy and the likelihood of her getting a place at a school in the borough. Then I'd start visiting the schools to find the best one for your daughter, which may not be the one with the best Ofsted report, or even the most popular. Only you will know which one will be right for her. Then get on the waiting list and hope for the best!

[domesticextremist]

Yes have heard that too about the head at garfield deaddei - parents I know there though are very happy with the atmosphere at the school.

[deaddei]

Singlegate- is that the one you're thinking of DE? Really good. Very ,er, flamboyant head.
Garfield just had loads of building work but VERY odd head.

[deaddei]

OOh it's spooky how you knowthings about us1
The chances of ds going to grammar are virtually nil, so I don't think there will be any surprises on March 1st!!!! What a nightmare.
Is there nothing in your own borough?
I echo BIWI- Pelham excellent, Wimbledon Chase- heard good things.

[domesticextremist]

Are you towards Tooting then hbfac? Nearest you would be Garfield
(ok) and that one that has become really good in Colliers Wood (racks brain for names).

if you really want the move I think you'll just have to open up and put everything down.

It might be easier to get her into a good enough one rather than a ridiculously popular one iyswim?

[hbfac]

Thanks BIWI - I will try CAT-ing. If it doesn't happen this afternoon, it will be tonight - when the tech support arrives home ... which might be 10pm by the look of things!

P. S. - Deaddei - hope you're holding up under the strain of the wait for secondary school places.