Mumsnet Jury - is this fair? And if not how do I deal with it?

[fletchaaarr]

DS2 is 8, good at maths, less good at English. He has had some help, and has really improved.

I got a letter home saying that he had been selected to have special lessons in ICT once every couple of weeks as he had been identified as good with 'pooters and the maths lessons he would miss would not hold him back (because he is talented at maths)

I signed permission and thought no more

So I asked him how the lessons were

He said that his teacher has said he can't do it because his weekly spelling and tables tests aren't good enough.

THis seems unfair to me - he wouldn't be missing literacy and they don't learn tables in numeracy class, so he is being punished by not being allowed to do something he is good at, because of something else he struggles with.

The school haven't told me he isn't doing the lessons he was meant to or why.

Should I raise this with them and how?

?

no?

I would ask them what is going on.
Either he is having the extra lessons or not - and they shouldn't have raised his hopes if not.

I would raise it with the teacher along the lines of: DS was going to do some extra ICT lessons I think, how's that going? And see what they say. Maybe he's got the wrong end of the stick and a non confrontational and interested inquiry may tell you what;s going on.
If DS is right it does seem a bit odd to ask yourn permission 1st and then not let him go.

OK - will leave work early and pick him up from school tomorrow.

She does seem to say some strange things

"Oh I never see you at school"

erm no - I work full time, sorry

So when she says "oh didn't flechson tell you - I am not letting him do them because of his spelling and tables results!"

what do I say?

Is it a reasonable thing if that is what happened?

bump

You could say "Could you tell me why you thought taking something he was good at from him would make him more motivated with things he struggles at?"

If she says didn't your ds tell you, I'd say "well yes but I knew he must have misunderstood you", and as for her saying she never sees you at school, I'd answer "yes, like yourself I work".

The child wasn't told the classes were based on his reaching a certain level in some other class work, so totally unfair to take it away from him now.

Oh v. unfair. In fact a bit mad.

He's either doing it or he isn't surely. Don't see what his spellings have to do with it, and v. wrong to hold that over his head too. I might even be a bit cross about it, I think.

100x I am a bit cross - well more than a bit to be honest.

I have stewed on it all day today

I have held off because I thought that I would cool down and ask a wider audience (you lot)

SSYF thankyou
POT - good idea

Thankyou everybody else too

Well I would be cross too. [mutual cross face emoticon]

I think you should say that it isn't very clear to you what the thinking is behind their decision and therefore [tinkly laugh] presumably even less clear to your ds [broad smile, evil glint]

Also if he has trouble with something, then it isn't fair to hold that over his head is it now? You are worried about his self-esteem.

I reckon they made it up because someone had forgotten about the ICT booster class, and they'd lost the plug and the white board wasn't working.

[folds arms]

I'd like a report tomorrow please.

Report will be forthcoming

promise

She is a bit... well.. she also has no concept of personal space

She comes and stands with her nose (I have just measured the distance I remember) 8 inches from yours, so you automatically step back, and she follows

I just don't get why she has done this (disclaimer - DS2 may have got wrong end of stick)

Yes he might have.

She sounds appalling. You need a desk between you.

Perhaps she got too close to the ICT person and they kept stepping backwards until they fell over a nearby cliff? And then when said ICT teacher turns up in four weeks with their leg in plaster she will say 'We don't see you at school much THESE DAYS? I've had parents in enquiring after the booster class'

and then they'll step back, and she'll step forward, and over the cliff they will go again.

Those booster classes will never start.

Shame.

Burp - she'll step back.

100x - pmsl

Bran - I would be prepared to fart in public if she would

She stood too close to me, and didn't take the hint when I kept stepping away

It was a long convoluted conversation where she first denied it was a punishment. And said that given his spelling results he couldn't miss numeracy, then corrected herself to tables results. When I challenged that numeracy lessons would improve those results she eventually admitted it was a punishment.

SHe was quite annoyed with me, not aggressive as such....

I said I couldn't see it as an appropriate punishment, and so the rest of the 1/2 an hour was basically her saying how much she likes him and how much she has tried to help him and how she has done everything for him, and how bad his spelling and tables tests are. How there is no communication between school and home, how she doesn't feel he has backup.....

I expressed my concern that I wasn't told that he was to be punished, so we had the whole it's not a punishment thing again.

In the end we agreed that I should be told if there is a problem rather than taking "sanctions" (not punishments you notice). She think about whether he can do the rest of the ICT lessons

She'll not she in last sentence

Is this a state school?

I don't think I'd be happy about missing lessons to do extra ICT. You can do that in a club.

If he's way ahead in maths they can always give extension work.

How wierd. So your ds was punished for finding spellings and tables difficult?

WTH - I really don't mind him missing maths lessons once every two weeks to do a special set of ICT lessons (it is part of a specific project / scheme)

Corn - she said he hasn't been punished - it was a "sanction"

Main Entry: sanction

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: A coercive measure intended to ensure compliance or conformity.

Synonyms: interdict, interdiction, penalty

Use the key word

DIFFICULTIES

"Why are you using sanctions against my son as a response to his difficulties with spelling? Perhaps you could cite the research which led you to believe this would improve his understanding and literary ability?"

Well, well, well. She's REALLY weird isn't she? I think she's weird.

She set this whole thing up, letter was signed, then whipped away because of his tables and spellings?

I don't understand. He now can't miss maths because he needs to brush up on his times tables? Is that right? So why did they send the letter in the first place.

Why is he being sanctioned AT ALL?

Why did she go on about 'back up' at home to try and have a go at you because you were questioning her?

Also, was there leaning and stepping?

She's annoying me now.

When she steps towards you, step forward, not back. Don't break the eye contact. Smile happily.

Oh ok fletch am with you now. If I had read properly I would have realised it wasn't every lesson

Agree with everyone else

he is being sanctioned because she thinks he doesn't try with spellings and tables.

by which she means that she thinks I don't do anything I think

she said she had to do something

she also threw in a whole lot of other stuff about letters not coming back (there was a problem at the begining of the school year, bad organisation on our front! I plead guilty to that one), and when I said "that is all sorted now I thought, what letters have not come back?" she said "well I gave up checking tbh as i never expect them back". I got a bit annoyed and said she was making this quite hard as anecdotal statements did not help me tracking down if there was a genuine problem (which i really really thought was sorted!!)