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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Dd1 started school this week. I knew I would be sad but actually I am totally and utterly miserable.

39 replies

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 09:48

It is crap. She seems so small to go. I miss her. Dd2 misses her. She is exhausted and tired and angry and shouting lots. The mums who I was very chatty with at Nursery seem to be getting cliquey again (this is not actually happening but because I am feeling miserable and sad it seems like it to me as I am feeling excluded....). I feel I am being very pathetic as no other Mums seem to be struggling as much as I am with it all. Dd1 says she doesn't want to go and hates her uniform and shoes and head teacher and pe and ........
Anyway just having a rant and feeling sorry for myself. Tell me I will get used to it soon and to enjoy my time with dd2. Thank you.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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pyjamagirl · 11/01/2008 09:52

I miss my dd too who started Monday , she is too small and although she is enjoying it she comes home v. tired .

I also felt very sad in the wee hours this morning she came and got in bed with me and I felt like I was losing a little bit of her bayness as she was becoming less reliant on me.

I know I sound sad and have probably made you feel worse {sorry} just wanted you to know you're not the only one who feels like this.

I do have 3 older dc too and one younger but she was so much of a baby still it's very

Madsometimes · 11/01/2008 10:00

dd2 starts next Thursday. She's my last child, and although we are both looking forward to her starting, I know when it comes to it I will be feeling totally miserable.

pyjamagirl · 11/01/2008 10:02

babyness

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 10:02

This is it. She is starting this whole new life without me. And I can't possibly know what is going on all day no matter how much she tells me. I feel I am losing her and of course it will only get worse as she gets older....

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Countingthegreyhairs · 11/01/2008 11:29

Oh it's tough I know... And sometimes Mums CAN be cliquey!!! I hate the whole thing actually and would rather have dd with me all day every day. But she just LOVES her school ....which I know I should be grateful for.

I feel exactly the same way - although as she's my only one currently I am sometimes grateful for a bit of peace - can you get a baby-sitter or a relative for DD2 and go out and treat yourself to a pedicure or lunch with a friend?? It sometimes helps a bit ...

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 11:37

I am moping at the moment, which I have to confess I do when I am miserable. I do need to do something to fill my time. She started on Tuesday which was the worst morning but I took dd2 to toddlers in the afternoon and was better when I was busy there. I should be changing all the beds, doing the ironing, cleaning the bathrooms and dusting upstairs but I can't be bothered even thought I know I will feel better if I get some of those jobs done. I feel mildly depressed . Right I am off to do some of those things now as well as doing something fun with dd2! Am going to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER. Thanks for your replies .

OP posts:

Countingthegreyhairs · 11/01/2008 11:47

Well done VP! It's not easy is it?

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 13:53

Thank you. The beds are changed anyway Only just over an hour to go......

OP posts:

Twiglett · 11/01/2008 13:55

you need to overact how happy you are that your big girl is going to school and how wonderful it all is

you need to be extremely happy at the school gates and be nice to your cohort of parents

anything else is just rather self-indulgent I'm afraid

act happy and you will be happy and by extension she will find it easier to settle

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 13:59

Oh yes I agree Twiglett. I am very much overly happy at drop off and pick up and with her and how exciting it is etc etc etc. Big s at all times in public. I promise. It is just when I get home I am being 'self indulgent'. And I do agree with you that I am...... That is partly why I am doing it on line as I don't want anyone in rl to know how pathetic I am being....apart from dh who is wonderful with me, but obv at work at the moment.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 11/01/2008 14:00

well that's ok then

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 11/01/2008 14:00

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Countingthegreyhairs · 12/01/2008 00:17

Hope you are feeling a bit better now it's the w/e VP. Everyone's allowed a bit of self-indulgence by venting on here once in a while!!

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 12/01/2008 09:13

Thank you Counting. Yes we are having a lazy morning so far. Not even dressed yet! Dd1 actually had lots of exciting things to tell me yesterday (even though she started off very negative when I first picked her up). We had a great session of stories together at bedtime and part of me thinks her being at school will focus me to enjoy our time together, so that is a positive isn't it? She is playing beutifully with dd2 at the moment too so I think they missed each other as well. She is def tired though and has lost it irrationally over a couple of things already (the wrong spoon for her breakfast and me being in the bathroom when she needed a wee ) but I think this is to be expected. I WILL have a better week next week and will plan more things for me and dd2 to keep us busy. It is finding a new routine I suppose and I will feel better when I am in it... Thank you though for allowing me to vent .

OP posts:

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 12/01/2008 09:14

beautifully

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Countingthegreyhairs · 12/01/2008 14:45

Sounds good VP. DD was very tired when she started (and she did the ignoring thing too initially!!). They do get used to it though quite quickly ...

I'm still adjusting!! It is, as you say, all about getting in to the routine (something I find a challenge at the best of times!!)

motherinferior · 12/01/2008 14:48

It's only the first week - really, it will be quite marvellous soon. DD1 went through this, DD2 - who also started this week - is going through it at the moment.

I rather love the whole school gate thing, though.

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 12/01/2008 15:15

Yes. We have just done her 'homework' together (b and f) and that was fun. She was really quite pleased with herself too lol. I loved the nursery gate thing. That is my social life here. She could go on a bus from where we are but there is no way I could do that partly because she is so young, but also partly because if I didn't do the school run I wouldn't see anybody at all! It was pouring with rain on Fri when I picked her up but I did manage to chat to a couple of the Mums whose children started in Sep so that was good. I think I was just sulky when I was feeling excluded a bit (not publically I should say, I was trying to join in) but it felt like the start of the competitive Mum thing too comparing the stories the children had made up with their picture book. Just the sort of thing to make you feel a bit insecure, gah!! Anyway it WILL get better. Thank you .

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/01/2008 15:17

Well, my youngest is 2 and goes to school next year. I can't bloody believe it!

My DD has done 2 days of full days and she has come home with plenty of attitude but is enjoying it and it is nice to have more time with the baby and 2 hours to get jobs done/eat lunch etc.

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 12/01/2008 16:21

I have a little longer with my 2005 Junie as we have two intakes here thankfully. She won't start till Jan 2010. I suppose I will have to think about getting a job then....or have another baby

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sherby · 12/01/2008 16:26

VP, I've got a June 05 DD to. We only have one intake [sob]

Original poster

VanillaPumpkin · 12/01/2008 16:34

Aw . Thank goodness we have the two intakes. I would have been even worse if dd1 had started in Sep...

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 12/01/2008 16:48

I could defer DS2 until Jan 2010 but I don't think it is right for my child so he goes Sept 2009, age 4 and 3 months. DD was only 4 and 1 month when she went but is fine as she is very bright.

Smithagain · 12/01/2008 20:37

It does take time to get used to it. So don't rush. But you will get into the swing of it and so will she.

Try and look forward to the day when she turns round and says "guess what mum!" and tells you some amazing thing she has learned. And you realise that you haven't lost her at all - but she is gaining a whole new world of opportunities that she can bring back and share with you. DD1 is in Yr1. Today she grabbed a book, took it to the armchair and read it all the way through, just for fun. And I feel so proud to see how she has grown. And the best thing is she is still my little girl and when she learns something exciting she wants to share it with me!

The first term is a bit of a slog, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

pooka · 12/01/2008 20:50

DD started school on Thursday. But just 2 short mornings. NExt week, we have 5 full days from 9am to 3.30pm. Which is going to be interesting

I just think she is going to be exhausted.

I also feel a bit low about it all (while doing massive at drop off and pick up). I feel rather as if the prison doors are closing on me - tied to school runs for the next however many years. Being governed by someone else's timetable. I also feel so sad for not having appreciated until too late how quickly the years at home go by, and how special they are. I miss the comfort of the pre-school drop offs, where I knew pretty much most of the mothers. Only know 1 or 2 parents at new school (dd's friends lived closer and got into out first choice school, whereas we didn't). Think that the fact that this is not the first choice school is part of my disenchantment. Though is still a good school and am pleased with it so far

Thankfully we also have 2 intakes, and so July born dd at least is 4 and a half at the start. DS is Sept 05 and so will be 5 when he starts, lucky lad.

And dd so far seems to be really enjoying it, which is all that matters (she types while thinking, selfishly, what about meeeeeeee),

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