Favouritism

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

How do you deal with favouritism? My dd is in reception and the teacher, newly qualified and in her first job, is generally lovely but she blatantly has 2 favourites and I find it really unprofessional. Anyone else dealt with this?

Anyone??!?

In what way do you perceive them as favourite?

What do you mean by favouritism? Is this coming from your daughter?

No I’ve noticed it. They’re picked for everything, the receive every award, cute little things they do are sent to their parents on school app,
Definitely treated differently

Usually work sent home is for those parents only so I'm not sure why you'd see it. Are other parents noticing it too?

Which awards are they winning?

@soapboxqueen

Usually work sent home is for those parents only so I'm not sure why you'd see it. Are other parents noticing it too?

Which awards are they winning?

The parents put it on fb, I’m not sure if others parents have noticed, they must have if I have too.

So are you noticing awards they've won because their parents have posted them on FB? How do you know others aren't winning awards and just not posting?

Are these awards things that all the children can achieve (headteacher/class awards) or are they for specific things such as catch up groups etc or is it not clear?

I think you're best bet is to ask some of the other parents if their child has won anything. Have they noticed a disparity?

The main thing is has your child noticed a disparity?

Other kids do get them, my dd has had her fair share but it’s much more regularly these kids. I really don’t want to put specific examples as outing but trust me , the teacher absolutely does pick these two over the class the majority of the time. No my child hasn’t noticed, I’m worried she will start to as we go through school.

They are awards the whole class can achieve but it’s not just awards. The children had a spelling test, I had mentioned to the teacher my dd had learnt the words, 2 weeks later certificates were given to only these two.

Unless you've spoken to the other parents, How do you know those two were the only ones getting certificates?

Were the children supposed to get a certificate for learning the words or for a specfic score or just effort?

You can ask the teacher what criteria are being used to hand out certificates. Then at least you'll have some idea and more importantly the teacher will know you've noticed.

Teachers ALWAYS have favourites and it's awful, i agree. No solution, but my sympathies.

Without knowing everyone's back story you will not know the reasons. Some children need to be praised more often for smaller achievements.

How do you know she's newly qualified and in her first job?

This is reception. Assuming this is your first born child. You will rapidly learn that your child is not the apple of everybody’s eye - just yours.

You have no idea if the two children singled out for praise come from homes with issues or need “building up” more than yours. Think a child who has lost grandparents or other close relatives to COVID. Or whose parents have recently separated. Or they are adopted and have only been with their forever family for six months. You just don’t know family circumstances.

As you move up the school you also need to be mindful that some children deserve the lead in the school play, or to be on all the A teams for sport or be the soloist in the Carol concert. It isn’t because of favouritism. It’s because the child is really good.

Would you ask the teacher to reign in praise for sport for the boy who plays for the Arsenal development squad? Or the child who has performed in the West End getting the lead role in the school play? Or the soloist in the Carol convert who just got Grade V singing exam?

I guess my point is these children may be singled out for a whole raft of reasons. Are you really going to complain that your child isn’t as favourite as little Johnny (who you don’t know has lost two grandparents to COVID and has a sibling with SEN)?

This is really not something to be worrying about.

@XelaM

Teachers ALWAYS have favourites and it's awful, i agree. No solution, but my sympathies.

Exactly,

@Zodlebud

This is reception. Assuming this is your first born child. You will rapidly learn that your child is not the apple of everybody’s eye - just yours.

You have no idea if the two children singled out for praise come from homes with issues or need “building up” more than yours. Think a child who has lost grandparents or other close relatives to COVID. Or whose parents have recently separated. Or they are adopted and have only been with their forever family for six months. You just don’t know family circumstances.

As you move up the school you also need to be mindful that some children deserve the lead in the school play, or to be on all the A teams for sport or be the soloist in the Carol concert. It isn’t because of favouritism. It’s because the child is really good.

Would you ask the teacher to reign in praise for sport for the boy who plays for the Arsenal development squad? Or the child who has performed in the West End getting the lead role in the school play? Or the soloist in the Carol convert who just got Grade V singing exam?

I guess my point is these children may be singled out for a whole raft of reasons. Are you really going to complain that your child isn’t as favourite as little Johnny (who you don’t know has lost two grandparents to COVID and has a sibling with SEN)?

Very true, except in this very small town school I do know that absolutely their is not anything like that at all.

@ilovesooty

How do you know she's newly qualified and in her first job?

Behave.

I don't know why you're getting a hard time OP, it's perfectly obvious when teachers have favourites, it's always the same 2 winning the prizes, singing solos, being Mary in the Nativity... Its just obvious.

No advice other than to let it wash over you. If your child isn't teachers pet they have more freedom to play, and just be themselves. There's a weight of expectation on the favourites that no 5 year old should have.... Just leave them to it.

Thanks baby shark, this is mn after where teachers can do no wrong.
I remember favouritism when I was at school and it’s quite demoralising.
As I said, I don’t want it to go through school, I’ll be saying something if it continues through to the next year.

A lot of people rushing to tell you that you are being unreasonable here but in all honesty I'd say it happens in most schools. Ds' class has "that" kid in, it became more obvious in lockdown over the zoom calls.
Also I can name a handful of children at my own school who appear front and centre of everything!!

The thing is, you won't change it. It's annoying and at times, unfair but you'll have a much less stressful school experience if you just learn to roll your eyes and accept it

@GeorgeandHarold66

A lot of people rushing to tell you that you are being unreasonable here but in all honesty I'd say it happens in most schools. Ds' class has "that" kid in, it became more obvious in lockdown over the zoom calls. Also I can name a handful of children at my own school who appear front and centre of everything!!

The thing is, you won't change it. It's annoying and at times, unfair but you'll have a much less stressful school experience if you just learn to roll your eyes and accept it

It is unfair and I believe it happens everywhere. My op was about dealing with it and calling it out. Seems dreadfully unfair that it’s just allowed to continue.

"Behave"?

I wondered how you'd found this information.

You don’t deal with it.
You just suck it up and if it helps make a joke of it.
It shouldn’t happen but it does at every stage of life

@pollylocketpickedapocket

Thanks baby shark, this is mn after where teachers can do no wrong. I remember favouritism when I was at school and it’s quite demoralising. As I said, I don’t want it to go through school, I’ll be saying something if it continues through to the next year.

All that will achieve is to make you look jealous and unpleasant