Favouritism

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

How do you deal with favouritism? My dd is in reception and the teacher, newly qualified and in her first job, is generally lovely but she blatantly has 2 favourites and I find it really unprofessional. Anyone else dealt with this?

[CrappingMyself]

I would ask what your child needs to do in order to get certificates/awards etc.

I work in a school. I give awards to those that I feel deserve the award/certificate because they have made progress. It may be because the child that struggles to put their hand up in class and always shouts out answers (ADHD diagnosed) has put their hand up 3 times in a row without shouting - that's progress and deserves recognition in my book. But equally I have a few kids that I know I can rely on to be sensible, can be trusted (because they do what I ask), so I will rely on them to help me out if the TA is out the room for a reason. They may come across as favourites, but it's more that I know they are sensible mature kids for their age.

OP you mentioned a spelling test. You said your child learnt the words and told the teacher this, but did your child demonstrate this in class? Could the teacher evaluate it? They can't just take the parents word for it.

So yes, have a conversation with the teacher. Ask what you can do to support your child in their learning, both academic AND social so they can reach their potential, whatever that may be.

[youdontnome]

This is absolutely a thing. Happened when I was at school many, many years ago. I was very surprised that it was still happening years ago when my DC were at school.

[Porridgeoat]

Best way is to teach them resilience

[Porridgeoat]

My kid went through primary like your DD and the poor favourite child fell from great heights in secondary school

[Yellowmellow2]

It sounds like your child doesn’t mind so I wouldn’t worry. There’ll be a different teacher next year. You’re only at the beginning of the school journey and things will change as your child moves through the school. The teacher has 30 children to manage. It’s not easy!

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@MargaretThursday

The parents put it on fb, I’m not sure if others parents have noticed, they must have if I have too.
Surely all that means is they are friends with you on fb (so you see it) and they are putting it on fb. I tended not to put that sort of thing on Fb didn't mean they never received awards.
There could be 27 other children receiving them and you'd never know.

I have chilled out a bit today over but as I’ve said, it’s not just the awards! There’s definitely favouritism going on. I’m not going to give too specific examples as outing but these kids are singled out an awful lot!

[Yuddiesorno]

I feel your pain - this happened to both my DC - was far worse with one particular class teacher. In the end we just tried to make a joke out of it at home - because it was a foregone conclusion that the same two girls were picked for everything- every play, every sports competition, every art prize etc etc etc. Always representing the school blah blah blah. They became known as the "golden girls " in our house

I am sorry to say that they clearly thought the sun shone out of their own arses, as did their parents so maybe there's a self-fulfilling prophecy going on there somewhere.

I remember reassuring my DD that once they all got to secondary it would be different. How naive I was . The golden girls are now the "popular " ones who still think they exist on a different plane to the others.

Sorry for rambling but in my experience this is absolutely a thing and those who fail to acknowledge it have either been very lucky, wilfully obtuse or it's their children that are the "golden girls" so they probably don't realise.

[CoffeeWithCheese]

We've got it in my kids' school (juniors so we're well out of the reception shock to the system aspect) and it is absolutely bloody rife - the names of the kids who've got learning awards all week are in the newsletter and there are names of kids who pop up absolutely every week without fail, picked for everything - nothing much I can do about it but it is really ridiculous in this school.

[MargaretThursday]

The parents put it on fb, I’m not sure if others parents have noticed, they must have if I have too.
Surely all that means is they are friends with you on fb (so you see it) and they are putting it on fb. I tended not to put that sort of thing on Fb didn't mean they never received awards.
There could be 27 other children receiving them and you'd never know.

[Crazycrazylady]

Meh
I couldn't get worked up about this, Teachers are humans and of course will have kids that they are more drawn to than others but they should and usually do hide it a bit better than what you're describing here.
As long as she was nice to you dd , I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Is she your pfb by any chance?/

[Method]

A lot of the awards at primary school tend to be on a rota... At our school everybody will be star of the week at some point, some parents brag about it when others don't, so it often seems to be the same people when it isn't always. It's true though that some children will get the awards/lead roles/prizes more often. My DDs are what you would describe as the favourite. However, I think it's often quite a lot about the child's personality. Mine love performing and will always volunteer for the solo/lead role in the nativity. They are always willing to please and always well behaved, so will be chosen for awards/class rep and so on. Some children are more quiet and don't like being the centre of attention and teachers wouldn't push that, especially in reception.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@ilovesooty

"Behave"?

I wondered how you'd found this information.

It’s common knowledge, no big secret

[Hoppinggreen]

@pollylocketpickedapocket

Thanks baby shark, this is mn after where teachers can do no wrong.
I remember favouritism when I was at school and it’s quite demoralising.
As I said, I don’t want it to go through school, I’ll be saying something if it continues through to the next year.

All that will achieve is to make you look jealous and unpleasant

[Hoppinggreen]

You don’t deal with it.
You just suck it up and if it helps make a joke of it.
It shouldn’t happen but it does at every stage of life

[ilovesooty]

"Behave"?

I wondered how you'd found this information.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@GeorgeandHarold66

A lot of people rushing to tell you that you are being unreasonable here but in all honesty I'd say it happens in most schools. Ds' class has "that" kid in, it became more obvious in lockdown over the zoom calls.
Also I can name a handful of children at my own school who appear front and centre of everything!!

The thing is, you won't change it. It's annoying and at times, unfair but you'll have a much less stressful school experience if you just learn to roll your eyes and accept it

It is unfair and I believe it happens everywhere. My op was about dealing with it and calling it out. Seems dreadfully unfair that it’s just allowed to continue.

[GeorgeandHarold66]

A lot of people rushing to tell you that you are being unreasonable here but in all honesty I'd say it happens in most schools. Ds' class has "that" kid in, it became more obvious in lockdown over the zoom calls.
Also I can name a handful of children at my own school who appear front and centre of everything!!

The thing is, you won't change it. It's annoying and at times, unfair but you'll have a much less stressful school experience if you just learn to roll your eyes and accept it

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

Thanks baby shark, this is mn after where teachers can do no wrong.
I remember favouritism when I was at school and it’s quite demoralising.
As I said, I don’t want it to go through school, I’ll be saying something if it continues through to the next year.

[Babysharkdododont]

I don't know why you're getting a hard time OP, it's perfectly obvious when teachers have favourites, it's always the same 2 winning the prizes, singing solos, being Mary in the Nativity... Its just obvious.

No advice other than to let it wash over you. If your child isn't teachers pet they have more freedom to play, and just be themselves. There's a weight of expectation on the favourites that no 5 year old should have.... Just leave them to it.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@ilovesooty

How do you know she's newly qualified and in her first job?

Behave.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@Zodlebud

This is reception. Assuming this is your first born child. You will rapidly learn that your child is not the apple of everybody’s eye - just yours.

You have no idea if the two children singled out for praise come from homes with issues or need “building up” more than yours. Think a child who has lost grandparents or other close relatives to COVID. Or whose parents have recently separated. Or they are adopted and have only been with their forever family for six months. You just don’t know family circumstances.

As you move up the school you also need to be mindful that some children deserve the lead in the school play, or to be on all the A teams for sport or be the soloist in the Carol concert. It isn’t because of favouritism. It’s because the child is really good.

Would you ask the teacher to reign in praise for sport for the boy who plays for the Arsenal development squad? Or the child who has performed in the West End getting the lead role in the school play? Or the soloist in the Carol convert who just got Grade V singing exam?

I guess my point is these children may be singled out for a whole raft of reasons. Are you really going to complain that your child isn’t as favourite as little Johnny (who you don’t know has lost two grandparents to COVID and has a sibling with SEN)?

Very true, except in this very small town school I do know that absolutely their is not anything like that at all.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@XelaM

Teachers ALWAYS have favourites and it's awful, i agree. No solution, but my sympathies.

Exactly,

[Lastbonestanding]

This is really not something to be worrying about.

[Zodlebud]

This is reception. Assuming this is your first born child. You will rapidly learn that your child is not the apple of everybody’s eye - just yours.

You have no idea if the two children singled out for praise come from homes with issues or need “building up” more than yours. Think a child who has lost grandparents or other close relatives to COVID. Or whose parents have recently separated. Or they are adopted and have only been with their forever family for six months. You just don’t know family circumstances.

As you move up the school you also need to be mindful that some children deserve the lead in the school play, or to be on all the A teams for sport or be the soloist in the Carol concert. It isn’t because of favouritism. It’s because the child is really good.

Would you ask the teacher to reign in praise for sport for the boy who plays for the Arsenal development squad? Or the child who has performed in the West End getting the lead role in the school play? Or the soloist in the Carol convert who just got Grade V singing exam?

I guess my point is these children may be singled out for a whole raft of reasons. Are you really going to complain that your child isn’t as favourite as little Johnny (who you don’t know has lost two grandparents to COVID and has a sibling with SEN)?

[ilovesooty]

How do you know she's newly qualified and in her first job?