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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Was the Teacher being fair?

45 replies

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 14/02/2018 00:28

Ds6 used the word 'stinky' to her friend ( i know it is her friend-she always talks about her) to describe said friends breath.

She could have picked a nicer adjective but she didn't.

The teacher decided to make it official and hand out a written warning (also known as a yellow ticket).

So, has the Teacher over reacted or is stinky a 'nasty' word. Or is there a middle ground somewhere.

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Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 14/02/2018 00:33

Maybe it’s to do with the way it was said? Could be she was actually trying to be very mean?

Sounds over the top to me but that’s all I can think of.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 14/02/2018 00:33

I don't think the word stinky itself is that bad, so saying the loos are stinky would be OK, but using it to make an unkind personal comment to her friend is nasty.

AlexanderHamilton · 14/02/2018 00:34

Had the friend just been eating cheese & onion crisps? (Or similar ‘stinky’ food? If so I think it was an over reaction.

Or had she just not brushed her teeth that day?

MorningstarMoon · 14/02/2018 00:36

She made a personal comment that could have upset her friend and needs to learn it's not nice to be mean about other people. So no the teacher wasn't being unfair IMO.

PancakeInMaBelly · 14/02/2018 00:37

Probably has more to do with making fun of friend for personal reasons than the word used.

It would hurt a lot to have a "friend" announce to a room that you have bad breath.

That "frenemy" type behaviour is IMO far more serious than "bad swears"

Original poster

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 14/02/2018 00:47

I wasn't there so unsure of the context it was said in. Could have been said in a mean way to poke fun at her.

'Frenemy' is an actual term...most of these girls want to be queen bee, perhaps frenemy type behaviour is more common than i thought.

OP posts:

PancakeInMaBelly · 14/02/2018 00:51

I dont really know what context wouldnt be unkind TBH.

No matter how jokey and matey and hillarious your DD thinks she was being, it most likely wasnt nice for the person at the butt of the joke! If it even was a joke which is best case scenario

italiancortado · 14/02/2018 00:53

I'm surprised you don't realise the problem here is more than a word?

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 14/02/2018 00:58

stinky in this context is no different than fat ugly or stupid.
it's an unkind unnecessary negative comment.

SofiaAmes · 14/02/2018 01:00

How old is your child?

Original poster

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 14/02/2018 01:01

problem is more than a word

Please do enlighten me.

OP posts:

italiancortado · 14/02/2018 01:05

Please do enlighten me.

Seriously??

You genuinely have no idea that it is not nice to pass comment to someone about their breath?

Original poster

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 14/02/2018 01:12

She is 6, so has no filter. Something smelt not right. She said that is stinky, like I said she could have kept quiet (probably hard if she's smelling it every day) I have explained how she needs to phrase her words and think before speaking and how words can hurt people.

Tricky one, when is it being mean and when is it a missuse of words?

OP posts:

SpringHen · 14/02/2018 01:16

Tricky one, when is it being mean and when is it a missuse of words?

Its always mean to point out other peoples flaws
It doesnt matter what words she used

But shes 6 so I dont judge her too harshly. YOU though I worry about if you still dont get that its not because she used a "wrong word" eyeroll

user789653241 · 14/02/2018 06:57

I think teacher making it official and given your dd written warning says a lot. It's not a word she used, but more the meanness?

If my ds got the warning, I would rather try to talk to him about how what you say can hurt others, than trying figure out if the teacher was fair or not. If you think your dd is unfairly punished, then you need to find out by speaking to the teacher why dd got written warning.

AmberTopaz · 14/02/2018 07:01

I agree with Ivebeen - how would you feel if your DD has called her friend ugly or stupid? Would that have been ok?

I get that she is only 6 and didn’t deliberately mean to be unkind. But if you don’t tell her it’s wrong to do that, how can she learn not to?

FayJay · 14/02/2018 07:03

I think a yellow warning was entirely appropriate. Your DD needs to learn that making personal comments about others can be hurtful even if they’re true. Saying Alex’s breath was ‘unpleasant’ or ‘malodorous’ wouldn’t have been any better! She was punished for making a hurtful personal comment, not her choice of words.

Woolvee · 14/02/2018 10:27

Technically, I agree with FayJay and Amber, in that any intentional meanness does need tackling.
But I know that if it was MY DD given a yellow ticket, I'd be raging, and considering the punishment OTT for a six-year-old...
Sorry. Not even remotely helpful.

SoftSheen · 14/02/2018 10:31

Assuming that this incident isn't part of a pattern of mean behaviour, I think that the teacher was being way OTT. A quiet word should have sufficed. However, if your DD has repeatedly said this sort of thing and been told not to, the the teacher was not unreasonable.

Original poster

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 14/02/2018 10:55

Wow. A mixture of responses there. Dd is usuaully a friendly child with a bossy streak.

A quiet word with her would have done the trick. A yellow ticket for speaking your mind, not even in a spiteful way...

Sadly I feel the negative behaviour is quickly dealt with in the most exaggerated way and any positive work from dd is not even acknowledged.

OP posts:

Dolphincrossing · 14/02/2018 10:58

That’s horrible of her. You should tell your DD that making personal comments is unkind and not to do it, or she will end up with no friends at all.

twinone · 14/02/2018 11:01

How can 'your breath stinks' not be spiteful ?
There are kind ways to tell someone they have odour problems, stink or a derivative of it, is not one of them.
Back the teacher up and teach the kid to be kinder.

CotswoldStrife · 14/02/2018 11:02

We can only go on what you tell us OP, and to describe someone as having stinky breath is awful - especially for someone who is supposed to be a friend!

Your last comment makes me think that you strongly dislike the teacher and think they are too hard on your DD.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 14/02/2018 11:04

It’s not the “most” exaggerated way! The most exaggerated way would be a permanent exclusion.

This was a well deserved warning. It’s not sociable to make a comment like that. She might have been speaking her mind, and perhaps in your family everyone makes personal comments about each other, but in polite society that’s not the case. If she didn’t mean it to be spiteful, did she think it was a compliment then?
You’re being really ridiculous. She needs to know that that is rude and unkind.

WitchesHatRim · 14/02/2018 11:04

A yellow ticket for speaking your mind

Rudely. It isn't ok to always 'speak your mind'

not even in a spiteful way.

You weren't there you have no idea how it was said.

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