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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How do I raise this without being 'that' parent

29 replies

Dottie39 · 05/11/2017 18:10

DD is in year 5. She is bright and enthusiastic, by no means a genius but works hard so reaps the rewards of that.

So far this school year she has floated through, I went through this half terms spellings which she already knew. I supervise her homework and she sails through it without effort. When I ask her what she finds difficult at school she said 'nothing'. Her reading age is 12.5 (age 9).

I have helped her find more challenging books to read, and done some more advanced maths but am worried I will confuse her with outdated methods so am considering getting a tutor.

It's parents evening next week. I want to point out that I don't think my DD is being challenged without being that parent and making the teacher feel I am critical of her.

(I have had run ins when she taught DD previously and didn't intervene when she watched DD being bullied so already feel she is icey with me... )

How can I approach this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

justasking123 · 05/11/2017 18:26

How is she doing at school? Is she in the top group? How do you know she is not being challenged? And why can't you challenged her yourself? Get some workbooks and see how it goes

Panicattheschoolgate · 05/11/2017 18:34

Sounds a bit intense with a tutor. Just ask for some extra homework or guidance on things you can do. As long as she isn’t playing up in class as she is so under challenged, just let her be. They work hard enough later. IMO

RaindropsAndSparkles · 05/11/2017 18:38

A reading age of 12.5 in yr 5 isn't that exceptional. Just do stuff privately at home and don't criticise. You will need their reference next September for secondary transfers.

SkeletonSkins · 05/11/2017 18:39

I'd have a look at her school books before you say anything. I've got some kids in my class who sail through all their work, but they're getting stuff wrong.

If you see her work and still feel that way, I'd just ask if there's anything you can do at home to be challenging her.

I purposefully send home homework which is a bit easy as A. I give the same to everyone and B. Lots of my kids have no home support so need to be able to do it themselves with no help or we get complaints.

SkeletonSkins · 05/11/2017 18:40

And to add as a year 6 teacher I definitely don't do references for parents/children at secondary transfer, not sure if that's a private school thing? Never heard of it.

MrsHathaway · 05/11/2017 18:47

By y5 the question is how you can help DD to challenge herself. Can she take the initiative to apply this week's objective and last week's to the current piece of writing? Can she look for patterns in her maths work to save herself time later on?

Paddington68 · 05/11/2017 18:50

Sorry, reference for secondary, a wot now?

Mamabear4180 · 05/11/2017 18:51

Just be that parent!

00100001 · 05/11/2017 18:53

Is she getting everything correct all the time? No mistakes in maths.... No incorrect spellings etc?

OlennasWimple · 05/11/2017 18:54

Don't phrase it as "I think you aren't challenging DD enough"

Ask questions about extension activities and whether DD is working at her full capability

LaughingElliot · 05/11/2017 18:59

Thank m sorry but you’re making an issue out of nothing. Your daughter is doing well. Can you not be happy about that? She sounds absolutely within the norm for her year group which is s very comfortable place to be. Why look for a problem? She does not have learning or social difficulties, she is not gifted, she is in fact exactly the sort of child for whom state schooling is designed.

Take her to the library more often or sign her up to math buddy but don’t for goodness sakes harass her teacher or hire a tutor, that would be madness.

Oly5 · 05/11/2017 19:00

I’d definitely ask!! Ask how you can challenge her more as she’s finding the homework too easy. I’ve just done this and my dc is only 6! Why not be that parent?

Mamabear4180 · 05/11/2017 19:04

Take her to the library more often or sign her up to math buddy but don’t for goodness sakes harass her teacher or hire a tutor, that would be madness.

Harass her teacher? Why is hiring a tutor madness?

LaughingElliot · 05/11/2017 19:07

Because she doesn’t need a tutor, clearly.

allinclusive · 05/11/2017 19:12

Schools need to challenge and support appropriately. If she is getting full marks all the time, she is not adequately challenged, and may lose out in learning resilience and perseverance. Definitely speak to the teacher.

Mamabear4180 · 05/11/2017 19:12

Did you miss the part where the op said she's not being challenged enough?

RaindropsAndSparkles · 05/11/2017 19:25

Yes it is. Private schools require refs.

Dozer · 05/11/2017 19:48

Is your issue here prepping for 11+ ?

MaisyPops · 05/11/2017 19:55

It depends what you mean by sialing through.
E.g. i have a y7 student who sails through tasks but often they sail through without pushing themselves or thinking about adding in challenging ideas etc. They've clearly been taught in primary that smart kids finish work quickly and find it easy so they do what they can to get through without taking risks and often that means not doing the more difficult thinking. They are very compliant but struggle to transfer knowledge to new contexts.

I'd raise it with the teacher but maybe broach it as either you seeking ways you can support and stretch DC at home and then maybe ask to see her books so you have a benchmark to work towards.

LaughingElliot · 05/11/2017 20:21

We only have the OP’s opinion and her assumption that her child is not being challenged. If her reading level is 12.5 at 9, she is being challenged sufficiently. It isn’t uncommon for 9year olds to be well above this.

MuddlingThroughLife · 05/11/2017 20:25

If she is doing as well as you say she should be on the MAT register, and if she is then she should be getting pushed in class. I would ask the teacher.

Catalufa · 05/11/2017 20:32

Parents’ evening is a good time to bring this up. No need to be pushy or aggressive about it, just ask about what extension work is provided for the more able kids. A year 5 teacher is likely to have heard this many times before.

I wouldn’t get a tutor personally (I have a very able DS). Plenty of years ahead for her to work hard!

pinkliquorice · 05/11/2017 20:40

This is one of the main reasons I am seriously considering homeschooling next year.
I would try and raise it sensitively with the teachers but if she interested in being challenged and taking her learning further defiantly consider hiring a tutor and partly home educating her at home giving her time to explore and develop her talents and interests, joining clubs is also a good idea.
Often one teacher cannot challenge, support and encourage 30 different children well enough. Talents are almost discouraged as the job just requires getting everyone to a good level at everything, there is no room to just not be so good at one thing but make up for it elsewhere. Of course this is not the teachers fault and I’m sure it’s shit for them too but it is definitely shit for our children.
Dd9 naturally is not good at maths, she doesn’t enjoy it and she scores badly, of course she needs to learn basic maths skills but she is really gifted at created writing at home she rights endless songs, poems and stories and this talent is not encouraged or picked up on at school at all, as long as she’s doing satisfaction at English all that is mentioned is how she can’t do maths, but in the long run that really doesn’t matter and I want her to be encouraged to peruse her interests and not worry about being good at everything.

TheNoseyProject · 05/11/2017 20:47

Ignore the ‘she’s not that ahead’ etc posts there are lots of mn-ers who hate anyone taking an interest in their kids schooling.

Just say, dd loves School, it appears she might be in want of a bit more stretch, do you agree or is there something(s) you think she still needs to develop further.

If you don’t get anywhere personally I’d go the route of getting her to do a project at home she’s interested in rather than a tutor to ensure she’s still finding the joy and passion and not hot housing the academics in a way which could make her disengage.

grasspigeons · 05/11/2017 20:47

Parents evening is meant to be an opportunity to find out how your child is doing and what they need to do next, so its a good place to ask questions like this and wouldn't make you 'that' parent.

Could you try asking something along the lines of 'do you feel my daughter is doing her best in her work' 'can she stretch herself further' ' how can we support her to stretch herself' 'what are you doing to help her do this'

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