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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

22 months old screaming in library!!!!!!!!!!!!

37 replies

jazz01 · 20/02/2014 18:47

i take both of my boys( 5.5 yrold and 22 months) to library at least once a week luckily its not far from us . today DS was over excited and aggravated in library , it was nearly his nap time, but i wanted to squeeze the library trip as some books were about be overdue . the librarian did bare with his excitement for a bit and he was running around making me chase him , with embarrassment . but then as soon i went to borrow some books for older DS , SHE SHOUTED "THAT'S ITTTTTTTTT I CANT TAKE ANY MORE SCREAMING!!!!! SORRY I WOULD HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE THE LIBRARY LUCKILY NOT MANY CLIENTS ARE HERE .OTHERWISE I WOULD OF TOLD YOU TO LEAVE EARLIER . IN THE MEAN TIME I WANTED TO GET SOMETHING SCANNED FOR OLDER ONE TO TAKE HOME AND SHE STARTED EXPLAINING THAT THE THINGS WOULD EXPAND AND I COULDN'T FILTER WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT???????????? I was so tearfull and while my older son asked me mum!!! look i want to take this book!!!!!!! and i asked him with dry throat to leave the book and we will come again some other day. ( my son 22 months hasn't developed many words or talking yet that is why he screams with excitement , my health visitor is coming tomorrow to discuss his speech concerns with me. but i felt bad, and shouted at , while the librarian has no clue clue what i am going through ? as having concentration problems with the older one and younger ones speech issues.

OP posts:

TheReluctantCountess · 20/02/2014 18:51

You were chasing him around the library?

wheretoyougonow · 20/02/2014 18:53

Having toddlers is very hard work. In no circumstances should you have been shouted at. Please put it down to a very intolerable woman who clearly needs to develop her customer services skills.
When you are feeling more confident go back or write and let the manager know your experience.
Have a and and don't give it anymore thought.
Good luck with the health visitor.

Littlefish · 20/02/2014 19:02

You should not have been shouted at, but you should have left the library when he started screaming and definitely should not have been chasing him round the place.

SapphireMoon · 20/02/2014 19:07

Hard not to chase to catch them if toddlers running. Also danger of squealing when caught.
I sympathise op as sounds like you just wanted to return books and quickly get books for older ds. Hard to reason with a 22 month old.
Hope all goes well with health visitor. Librarian sounds unreasonable and mean.

Hexbugsmakemeitch · 20/02/2014 19:23

Toddlers are difficult. I once had two toddlers have a simultaneous screaming, kicking tantrum in the library.

I took them out. Immediately.

I'm don't want to be harsh as you are clearly having a hard time just now but I want to offer some perspective.

It is not acceptable to allow a toddler to run, screaming round a library ( or shop or cafe). In fact screaming excitement isn't acceptable anywhere really.

Of course the librarian doesn't know what you are going through but similarly you don't know what she is going through.

Maybe she had a migraine, or ear ache or like many people find screaming children really annoying.

Of course she shouldn't have been rude to you, but in fairness you were rude first and she was perfectly within her rights to ask you to leave.

If your child starts screaming you remove them as fast as you can. Those are the rules I'm afraid.

Pagwatch · 20/02/2014 19:28

Gosh it's really difficult.
My eldest son was about 5 when DS2 started screaming when we were out.
We found out he had autism later on but it was awful for months - he would scream like a person being murdered in a horror film. It always meant that, whatever we were doing, I had to stop, which meant DS1 missed out on whatever we were trying to do.

But to be honest the screaming was hard enough for me to deal with, I just couldn't do anything except leave.

She shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry it's hard at the moment.

Original poster

jazz01 · 20/02/2014 19:35

not around the library he was trying to go out of the library so i had to bring him in

OP posts:

Hexbugsmakemeitch · 20/02/2014 19:41

Ok, obviously you have to make sure your child is safe (reins are great for runners) but screaming for more than the few minutes it takes you to gather your things isn't on really.

Maybe pop into the library on a better day when your wee one is calmer and apologise to the librarian. She probably feels bad for losing her temper and taking them to the library regularly is a great thing to do.

Original poster

jazz01 · 20/02/2014 19:42

this is the first time it happened that little one screamed and i took the new books quickly and kept saying shhhhh to the baby and tried my best to stay calm . but then i thought there are kids corner in the libraries these days and whoever made these, should of known that you cant argue with babies and toddlers and when they start playing up trust me their mums are the one who do know what their children are doing . the last thing thing they want in addition to the pain is some one shouts at them.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 20/02/2014 19:44

Just because there is a babies corner doesn't mean that a library excepts extended screaming.
If it was a one time thing then I would forget it tbh.
She shoudn't have shouted but it's over. I'd let it go.

ForgettableTampon · 20/02/2014 19:46

I would recommend reins if you've a bolter

nonicknameseemsavailable · 20/02/2014 19:48

I agree she shouldn't have shouted but to be fair had I been someone in the library I would have been really fed up. She may work in a library because she has a hearing aid or something and finds loud noise makes life very difficult for her so has picked somewhere quiet (or supposed to be) to work. You don't know. just like she wouldn't know that you have problems at the moment, she probably just saw you running around after a screaming child and was thinking you should leave. as you say she didn't complain straight away, she did give you a chance. If the books needed returning then I think you should have just done that and left and gone back at a better time to look for some new ones or scan something in. sorry.

try not to worry too much about not having many words at 22months, I don't think that it is very rare. and a lot of 5.5 year olds can't concentrate for long. Hopefully the HV will be supportive and be able to offer some advice.

tyaca · 20/02/2014 19:55

Hiya,

That sounds horrible, i really feel for you. When people talk to you that way, you can feel really raw and exposed. Better luck next time. Does your library have a rhyme time? Normal library etiquette is sometimes suspended for a short while then and lively toddlers tolerated.

I think you know why it happened - you just timed your library trip wrong and your ds2 was tired and agitated. It's so tough when the smallest of changes to your routine ends up with a runaway toddler, a screaming librarian and a short-changed older kid . My two kids are now 5 and 4 and life is so much easier now we can be a bit more flexible.

I hope you have a better day tomo. Ignore the librarian. She's probably feeling a bit bad about it now.

neontetra · 20/02/2014 20:01

I don't know - it's good to take young children to libraries, they will make noise sometimes - I don't personally think you were in the wrong. Maybe the woman was having a bad day, but she shouldn't have shouted at you. Try not to let it make you scared to take him places, as that would be bad for you, him, and his db.

Luciferbox · 20/02/2014 20:11

What a horrid experience. My little boy (27 months) visits our local village library every Saturday morning. He always runs around and sings to himself. The staff always seem pleased to see him and ask him questions about books he's taken out. It's the highlight of his weekend and they seem happy he's keen to read and use the library.

TheRaniOfYawn · 20/02/2014 20:26

She was out of order. Public libraries are supposed to be accessible to everyone including parents of screaming toddlers. Appropriate service would have been to approach you and ask if you needed help and if the screaming was disturbing people to tell you that and help you check your books out quickly/ help you to the foyer where you wouldn't disturb people or find some other solution rather than shouting.

Having said that, she might well have been having a bad day too.

TheGreatHunt · 20/02/2014 20:48

You know this but you shouldn't have taken him just before nap time. That was madness.

If the books are overdue and on a kids card you don't get fined at our library. You could have renewed online?

TheGreatHunt · 20/02/2014 20:48

You know this but you shouldn't have taken him just before nap time. That was madness.

If the books are overdue and on a kids card you don't get fined at our library. You could have renewed online?

behindthetimes · 20/02/2014 20:58

That's awful and I think you would be justified in complaining - she could have approached you in a polite and gentle way.
You have my sympathy, DS a few weeks ago had a tantrum in what I thought was a nearly empty library - I thought the librarians had probably seen worse so let him get on with it, then rounded the corner to find 2 middle aged men glaring at me, and the librarians didn't look too impressed either!
But really, to shout at you is completely out of order.

lovingmatleave · 20/02/2014 21:02

Having just experienced a toddler meltdown of major proportions in Morrisons this morning, with many disapproving looks from the mainly older shoppers, I think many of the comments are a bit unfair OP.

Its not always possible to time your life around when you think your toddler will be tired, excited etc. The librarian's reaction sounds well just a bit weird. My local staff are very tolerant of babys and toddlers. They would have been more likely to try and occupy him while I dealt with older child.

RainRainRaining · 20/02/2014 21:37

I am with you OP. I had the same with my 11 month year old a few years back. To be honest we were only in there for a few minutes. I was trying to return books quickly and then leave. The librarian moaned to another member of the public, "You see what I have to put up with all day". Then she told my baby off herself and when I intervened to say he was only 11 months old and we were leaving soon she told me that I needed to start teaching him the meaning of the word no. When I said that we had never had any problems in the library before she said that was only because the other staff were too polite and she shouted at me as we left.

Some people are totally unprofessional. The librarian was at work being paid by the tax payer and there is no excuse at all for her behavior. Some people have suggested that perhaps she was having a bad day. Well if every time I had a bad day I decided to shout at my boss or colleagues I don't suppose I would be employed for very long.

Maybe we live in the same area!!

AmIIndecisive · 21/02/2014 00:39

Actually she may not be a paid employee, many libraries have lost funding recently and a lot of people that work in them these-days are local volunteers.

I take my kids to the library but if one of them was being loud or started crying, I would immediately take them outside.

I wouldn't be you upset about what happened though, everyone is living in their own world and as mentioned upthread, you don't know what's going on in her life, maybe she was having a bad day that was completely unrelated to you.

cloutiedumpling · 21/02/2014 09:13

Do they have groups for pre-schoolers at the library? Our local library runs groups for both babies and toddlers. As there are more kids in the library before and after the groups start people tend to be a little more tolerant.

redskyatnight · 21/02/2014 09:21

Librarian shouldn't have shouted (are you sure it was really shouting and not for example speaking assertively?). But sorry, whilst everyone understands that toddlers do run about and are not quiet, it sounds like yours was running round and screaming for quite a while - you really should have taken him out. Can I also suggest that you may not have realised quite how disruptive he was being? I often think parents are so used to their own children that they don't realise that what to them is a toddler being a "bit loud" is actually an unacceptable level of noise for anyone else.

TheGreatHunt · 21/02/2014 09:21

What does being "taxpayer funded" have to do with her behaviour? Any service employee be it private sector (incidently which is funded by me paying) or public should be polite.

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