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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Leave declined for wedding....

178 replies

eleanorrubysmummy · 04/10/2013 17:08

Oh dear! My husbands brother is getting married in Feb (on a Friday), been planned 2 years, hub is best man & DD is bridesmaid. just moved up to year3 at a new school so did the right thing & applied for authorized day off......declined & also intimated that an application to fine us will be made if we go!! I'm so stuck......can anyone help/advise/guide us for this pls???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Llareggub · 04/10/2013 17:10

Is there an appeal process?

CaptainSweatPants · 04/10/2013 17:10

Shame the wedding wasn't planned for half term

Bill dh's brother when the fine comes

CecyHall · 04/10/2013 17:11

Check with your local authority- we got a default 'no' letter that suggested a fine but when I actually looked into it the LEA only fine if 10 sessions are missed (so five days).

The school then send it was a standard letter.

I think all leave is declined under these stupid new rules.

CecyHall · 04/10/2013 17:12

Ours still won't be authorised absence but I'm not overly fussed to be honest as long as no fine.

outtolunchagain · 04/10/2013 17:12

I would go , it's her Uncles wedding and she is part of the wedding party and her father is best man .In years to come the memories will mean far more than one measly fine.I think you will just have to treat it as part of the cost of attending the wedding .

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/10/2013 17:12

I thought at first you were a teacher who had had a leave request declined. Ridiculous if it's your daughter! Surely it counts as special circumstances especially if she's a bridesmaid. What are they going to miss in yr3?

bundaberg · 04/10/2013 17:13

urgh, how annoying. coudl you make an appt to speak with the head and explain it in a bit more detail?

northernlurker · 04/10/2013 17:16

I would be asking the governors and the head why the wedding of a close family member, at which dd has a role in the ceremony and which has been planned long before the change in rules, is not being considered 'exceptional'. Then I would forward their reply to my MP. This is absurd.

LIZS · 04/10/2013 17:16

Why pick a Friday, and then expect children to be there ? Weekday weddings are almost as annoying as those abroad. Feels as if you have to go through some sort of selection process to discover how values you enough to take a day off. Is it local enough she could come alter ?

zippey · 04/10/2013 17:21

I don't have any experience in this, but I would ask to see the person who made the decision. Its often harder to turn someone down when you are speaking to them face to face.

I would feel annoyed but don't show that. I take it her attendance is generally good in school?

Chocotrekkie · 04/10/2013 17:26

I had this with my sisters wedding. Asked for the day and it was turned down.
Sent in a note the next day saying that they will not be in school for those days.

Head was perfectly happy with this and asked kids all about it when they came back and they did "show and tell" with their flowers in class etc.

The school just have to be seen to say no.

Retropear · 04/10/2013 17:27

Utterly ridiculous!

You are kidding me.

A day at school is more worthy than your uncle's wedding,celebrating with family and being a bridesmaid.

You have to go there is no question then you write a letter to county threatening to take it further if you get a bill.What are poor people supposed to do,not go to family weddings?

zippey · 04/10/2013 17:29

Ask the decision maker to post in the AIBU section here and see what results they get!

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 04/10/2013 17:33

We have nearly the same situation. DD is a bridesmaid, DH a groomsman etc for SIL's wedding. We asked the head and he said 'of course you can go, leave the paperwork to me and have a lovely time'. Thank goodness for sanity.

BettyBotter · 04/10/2013 17:33

This happened to us (family reunion not a wedding though). So our dcs mysteriously developed D and V for the day. No problems, no questions asked.

Honestly, it's crazy but schools would genuinely prefer you to fake dc illness than request term time holiday because they get held accountable at Ofsted if they've agreed to leave, but nobody bats an eye at an odd day or 2 of sickness.

Original poster

eleanorrubysmummy · 04/10/2013 17:50

Thanks everyone. I did speak to the Head but there is NO appeals process, his decision is final. I realize its the new rules etc but what am I to do??? I can't control a wedding date! The couple picked the day (Fri) as is a few thousand cheaper (they have no children I might add!!). I don't want to encourage my girl to fib so have left her out of the angst! Her attendance is about 95% (she has athma & other medical conditions that mean she is more prone to illness) but DD is at school EVERY day she can be!! We abide by all school rules, go to open days & fairs, coffee mornings and activelt encourage "a bit more" when we do home work (in addition to lerning we mke with cooking, science etc!)
What is AIBU pls??? Not a regular user so has bypassed me!! Thanks :)

OP posts:

tiggytape · 04/10/2013 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGervasuttiPillar · 04/10/2013 18:09

Your request sounds very reasonable and the sort of absence that should be authorised by the school.

AIUI, the fines are not automatic, the school has to request the LEA to levy the fine.

I would go to the wedding, not pay the fine and got to court.

I bet the magistrate will not be best pleased with the school. Again, from the guidance that I have read, this absence should not result in a fine and I would hope that the magistrate would take the same view.

tiggytape · 04/10/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HedgeHogGroup · 04/10/2013 18:26

As a HT I would suggest a mysterious 24 hour bug. Its easier on everyone - school don't have to fine you (we don't want to - we don't even see the money) and you get your time off

Original poster

eleanorrubysmummy · 04/10/2013 18:28

Head was up front & said its up to him to put forward for fine and that he would do so. Trouble is, wedding is some 300 miles away so need to go night before (after school!) & just miss the one day (fri). It was mentioned it "could be arranged outside school term time" but actually it couldn't as I have no control over another persons nuptials!! We did mention to BIL but their choice was the Friday :(. I have never gone against a school rule before (I am the person who will get caught, in any transgression of any kind!!), the wedding is costing us a fortune in travel, accomaodation, bridesmaid dress, best man outfit etc etc....money is tight & I am so worried but at the same time do we cancel last minute & just let hub go by himself????

OP posts:

TheGervasuttiPillar · 04/10/2013 18:29

tiggytape,

That was more holiday than wedding (11 days off etc.)

" it isn't up to them and it isn't issued by them. It is a LA decision."

Maybe that varies from LEA to LEA, but here in Derbyshire the fines are not automatic. The guidance I have has an example of a family wedding where the child is playing a role as the sort of absence that would be authorised.

MistressIggi · 04/10/2013 18:34

View the fine as part of the cost of the wedding. Really surprised that the head thinks she should miss uncle's wedding (and would one of you have to stay at home too with her?). I wouldn't have been surprised at him "having" to refuse, but surprised he actually thinks this is reasonable.

DameDeepRedBetty · 04/10/2013 18:35

AIBU is a part of Mumsnet called Am I Being Unreasonable?

Posters ask contentious questions, and sometimes get ermm... robust replies.

Those new to Mumsnet are strongly advised to lurk only in AIBU for at least the first six months

It's probably the main reason we sometimes get called the Nest of Vipers.

clam · 04/10/2013 18:36

Do NOT cancel! This is bloody ridiculous and your Head Teacher is a complete bastard if, as he implies, he can choose whether you're fined or not and he's going for it.

As these rules are new in, it's unclear at this stage exactly how they're going to pan out in terms of fines. However, if you say she's ill, they'd be hard-pushed to prove you a liar (especially as it's half term following and who's to know how long she's "ill" for?) If you prefer not to lie, then just go anyway and take the rap IF it comes to it - although I reckon it won't. (come to it)

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