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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Just snuck down to see DS at lunchbreak - now I'm crying:(

44 replies

HufftheHedgehog · 21/09/2012 13:23

DS has just started in P1 after being at nursery. He had lots of friends at nursery, but the ones he was closest to are at a different primary school to him now.

Over the past few weeks I've asked him what he's been doing in class, who he plays with at breaks etc and although he doesn't give very detailed answers he's been saying that he doesn't play with anyone at break time :( So when I ask 'What about so-and-so from nursery?' he says they don't want to play with him...

I thought I'd sneak down today at lunch to see for myself, as I didn't really believe that he just sat at the side - but that's exactly what he's doing :( So upset for my little boy, he's normally really sociable and it makes me so sad that he just looked so alone today.

Should I speak to his teacher about it? I don't really know what she could do tbh... I know some of the other mums, so perhaps could ask them if their DCs could keep an eye out for my DS...

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

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hihohiho · 21/09/2012 13:25

Speak to the teacher - they should be looking out for things like this

kilmuir · 21/09/2012 13:25

I would go in now and say something. Do they have playground buddies? usually the older pupils who keep a special look out for the younger ones and make sure they are not alone or find them someone to play with

LindyHemming · 21/09/2012 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 21/09/2012 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousMama · 21/09/2012 13:28

I'm surprised the school are allowing this? They usually have a buddy scheme? Or in dss old school a friendship seat, you'd sit there if you felt lonely and other dcs knew to include you.

for you I'd be gutted as well.

GobblersKnob · 21/09/2012 13:30

Oh lovey, have a big (((((hug)))))

If it's any consolation I don't think its unusual, ds was exactly the same at that age, he is now 8 and very popular with a great circle of friends, his two very best friends actaully had a bit of a scrap the other day over who he liked best

Dd is now four and has just started full time, I asked her the other day if she enjoys playing with her friends at lunch, she said 'Oh no mummy, no one will play with me, I just walk around the playground counting leaves and looking for birds to be my friend' (she has whimsical leanings). Somehow it is much easier this time, I know she will have a nice circle soon.

I think at this age their social skills are quite limited and it takes a while for them to form bonds in a big group especailly without mummies to push them together Once they do make good friends, expect them to change at a dizzying rate.

Sparklingbrook · 21/09/2012 13:30

Huff. I would definitely have a word. At DS1's First School they had a bench in the playground. You sat on it if you had nobody to play with and someone would ask you to play. It was called 'the lonely bench' which I wasn't keen on but it seemed to work.

Good luck. x

LindyHemming · 21/09/2012 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crikeybill · 21/09/2012 13:33

(hug) Oh thats me sad too. I hate the thought of them sitting alone. DD2 had a lot of this in reception and it took ages to sort but with some teacher intervention its all fine now.

Yes, have a word with them. Tell them what you saw !! As pp said, there should be some sort of buddy system in place. At the very least they should be noticing !!!

Sparklingbrook · 21/09/2012 13:33

I don't know if that's what the children called it or that was it's official name Euphemia. I hope it wasn't the official name. This was 9 years ago now.

Original poster

HufftheHedgehog · 21/09/2012 13:34

Thanks for the quick responses, in a way I'm glad to know that it's not just me being over-emotional.

I'll try to have a word with his teacher then, but is it best to make an appointment or just grab her at home-time?

They split the P1s and P2s into a separate play area (presumably to stop them getting bumped about by the big one), so I'm not sure if the P2s would be old enough to buddy the P1s, I will ask about that though too.

OP posts:

urbanturban · 21/09/2012 13:35

Aw Huff am so sorry (have a sneaky hug!)

DD1has just started P1 and is settling well but I know of two other kids (different schools) who are having a tough time (exactly as you describe) and their parents had a quick word with the teacher.

Teacher made sure that older buddies were organising group games in the playground and introducing the kids to each other, whilst playground staff/assistants also facilitated games etc. Both kids are now flying high, making friends and have gained a bit of confidence in themselves to start games with others. So definitely address this with someone at the school, hope all goes well-please check back in and let us know how you get on, I'd hate to think your little one wasn't getting the support they need from school.

Thingiebob · 21/09/2012 13:37

Have a chat to the teacher who will give a helping hand.

This will most likely pass.

urbanturban · 21/09/2012 13:38

Cross post with your update Huff!

I would catch the teacher at home time today and mention your concerns but say that you would like to have a longer chat sometime later (next week?).

DD1s school buddy is a P7 (Scotland so about age 11) and they come into the little ones playground to help with games etc. if that's not standard in your DSs school maybe it's something you could suggest?

Hope all goes ok

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/09/2012 13:40

"Lonely bench" FFS how horrible! Ours is called the Friendship Bench.

YY to a quick mention to the teacher at home time followed up by longer (scheduled) chat next week.

lljkk · 21/09/2012 13:41

Yes, do speak to teacher, social life should be a big attraction of school (ideally). Anything you can do outside of school to encourage him to make new friends?

Sparklingbrook · 21/09/2012 13:41

I would like to think that was the official name of the 'lonely bench' Hearts.

Thingiebob · 21/09/2012 13:43

Actually all this friendship bench and buddy schemes make me feel better about
my little one starting school and making friends.

Schools are much nicer, friendlier places than they were when I was little.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 21/09/2012 13:45

Also OP, how long did you watch him for? It may have been that you saw a v small snapshot of his playtime. However, most schools do have a friendship bench and playground monitors (both adults and older children). You could speak to his teacher about mentioning general inclusiveness to the class. When DS was in recetpion and DD for that matter, the teacher used to ask them to give a thumbs up/down/middling after each break to see how they'd all got on,w hcih I thought was a nice idea.

MrClaypole · 21/09/2012 13:46

At DS's school they sometimes give the children a buddy from the same class. Seems to work very well, DS and his mate are buddying a little boy who has just joined the class and they all seem to be getting on great.

Might be worth suggesting that to the teacher?

Floggingmolly · 21/09/2012 13:47

Of course they shouldn't be allowing this. I'd have actually gone in on the spot. (I'd probably have been escorted from the premises, but I'd have got my point across)
Friendship Bench / Buddy Bench, whatever. They're all supposed to have one.
How absolutely crap of them not to notice

Original poster

HufftheHedgehog · 21/09/2012 13:49

Thanks again - I'll catch his teacher at home time today and mention it to her, and ask for some sort of proper meeting next week with her.

I haven't signed DS up for any after school activities yet, as he's been really tired since he started, but I thought that after the October break I'd see about him doing something, so yes an opportunity for him to make some new friends hopefully.

And I did notice another wee boy standing around by himself, I know his Mum to say hello to, so I might try to speak to her and see if they could play together (though I wouldn't say to her that her DS looked alone too :( )

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 21/09/2012 13:50

Why don't you ask the other boy's Mum if he could come and play after school one day?

naturalbaby · 21/09/2012 13:52

What about a chat with some of the other mums as well?

I bumped into a girl who is in ds's class and introduced my ds to her, saying they are in the same class - she looked out for him during the day.

We also had a play date this week and bumped into another mum on our walk home - ds was playing with the boy next break time and his big sister.

CaptainHetty · 21/09/2012 13:52

Your poor DS :(

My son is very much a sensitive, quiet little boy and for the first week or so after he started year 1 I almost cried leaving him. He never kicked up a fuss but you could tell by the look on his face he wanted to cry and come back with me. He spent his first few play breaks clinging to the TA for the duration, but apparently he has got better now with some input from the teachers and assistants.

When I noticed one of the boys he went to nursery with looking a bit upset I suggested they go in together when it's time for me to leave - now they actively look for each other when the bell rings and are both much happier going in. Our school also has a Buddy Bench for anyone who's feeling a bit lonely at breaktimes which seems to work quite well.

Definitely mention it to the teacher - William's teacher and TA picked up on it without my input but have been immensely helpful in getting him settled and interacting with the others at playtimes. I hope it gets sorted x

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