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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

best type of school for a very bright introvert

53 replies

sosickofschool · 07/10/2011 07:25

I'm so angry i have kept my 5yr old dd off school today.
My dd is very bright but painfully shy and a real introvert and therfore continually gets misunderstood,forgotten and ignored.
DD is in a large oustanding state school and in year 1,throughout my dd's time in this school noone has ever understood her,i appreciate that she is a tricky character but surely teachers should be used to dealing with a variety of different personalities.At this school it is the outgoing vocal kids who are percieved as being bright and my dd is descriminated against because of her personality.
DD left reception on all 8's and 9's but is in the bottom group for numeracy and second from bottom for literacy,so because the top group are all extroverts they are challenged and because my dd is an introvert she is not.
I'm so sick and tired of everything and so angry that i have kept dd off today to go and look at new schools,what should i look for in a school for a bright introvert?

OP posts:

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Iamnotminterested · 07/10/2011 08:00

First, breathe...secondly, why not wait till half-term and see what her assessment comes up with? Don't do anything rash when you are clearly wound up.

Dillydaydreaming · 07/10/2011 08:01

If she is in the lower levels of literacy and numeracy is she as bright as you think? Or is she in these lower levels because she's not being challenged?
Not being provocative, just trying to understand.
How does she feel about school? Is she making friends or does her introverted personality cause her difficulties?
Appreciate that you might be feeling this school is not the right "fit" for your DD.

All I can advise is going to visit various schools and get a "feel" for them. I think you can tell a great deal from a visit - worth far more than an OFSTED rating IMHO. Just seeing how adults respond and talk to your DD is a good guide.

cory · 07/10/2011 08:07

It is not discrimination if her teacher thinks she will work better on one table than on another at this precise moment in time.

If she is bright, no doubt she will produce very good work on the table she is at and then she will get moved up.

Is there any reason to believe that children on the lower tables are more likely to get forgotten and ignored than children on the top table? - sounds unlikely to me.

But if you keep her off school because an imagined slight you are giving her a dreadful message about how to cope with disappointment- this is the kind of attitude that could totally scupper her ability to get on with college and university.

cory · 07/10/2011 08:09

Hang on, have we been taken in and is this a wind-up? Nobody could really do that, could they?

-Why am I staying home from school today, mummy, I don't feel poorly?

-Because you didn't get put on top table, darling.

Chestnutx3 · 07/10/2011 08:10

Small classes and/or small school, or an exceptional teacher but how can you guarantee that ever year. How do you know she is very bright, can she easily do all the work she brings home and does much harder reading/maths at home?

HettyAmaretti · 07/10/2011 08:27

Montesori school

cory · 07/10/2011 08:40

Would Montessori be ideal for a parent who is - looks for polite word - very focused on how her dd's academic skills are graded and recognised, Hetty?

CecilyP · 07/10/2011 08:41

Perhaps she is just a very bright kid in the midst of a very, very bright bunch. How do you know the top groups are all extroverts? It is possible, that because of her shyness, teacher isn't aware of all that she is capable of. This will change as the year and her school life go on, and children will be judged far more by the work they produce in their books.

Saracen · 07/10/2011 08:43

Does your daughter like school? What's the whole experience like for her?

PollyParanoia · 07/10/2011 09:42

How do you know the order in which the tables are? My son got in a real state because he felt he wasn't on the top table for maths and it turned out there wasn't a top table for maths and he'd got himself in a tizz over nothing.

LarvaeLamp · 07/10/2011 09:44

Perhaps she is on the 'bottom table' because that is where the TA is permanently stationed, and they hope having them with her will improve your DD's confidence?

I would speak to the school before you take any other action.

LingDiLong · 07/10/2011 09:47

Blimey. Your daughter is going to be in school for at least another 11 years, if you get this angry about every school issue - and keep her off every time you get angry - you're going to end up with very high blood pressure and an illiterate child.

First off, you say 'noone' has understood her at school but clearly agree with the '8/9s' assessment in reception. So someone there assessed her and therefore 'understood' her didn't they?

Secondly, how do you know for sure which group she's in and how the tables are set up? By deduction or the teacher telling you? Is it possible that your DD's teacher has deliberately put her on a table where there aren't many extroverts so she doesn't get drowned out by them? Or that she's trying to bolster your DD's confidence by putting her somewhere where she can shine?

Seriously, to keep your child off school and then look for a completely new school because you don't agree with which group she's in at the age of 5 is an insane over-reaction. Take several deep breaths, calm the hell down and then go and see the teacher next week to find out if your daughter really is as overlooked and misunderstood as you think she is.

DeWe · 07/10/2011 10:27

DD1 is very much an introvert. However when she expresses herself on paper she is put in the top groups for everything (except sport).
Dd2 is my extrovert and doesn't come out so good on paper (although I suspect she is better naturally, she isn't a natural worker) because she's too busy expressing herself out loud to write anything down. So she sometimes is on the top tables, sometimes not. Do you know? It hasn't hurt her at all.

livinonaprayer · 07/10/2011 11:08

Agree with other posters here, this is not worth getting so stressed about. This will pass on to your dd. It's also sending a poor message to keep her off because of how you feel.
You need to speak to the teacher and get some things straight before you go looking round other schools.
Sometimes as parents we don't agree with what the teachers might be doing, however sometimes we have to trust their professional judgement a little. It is not even half term yet and teachers will still be making their own assessments of their new class, rather than only going on what the previous teacher thought.
Have a cuppa and take some time to write down your concerns, then go and speak to the teacher and give them a chance!

whathappenedtom · 07/10/2011 11:16

Wouldn't lower tables be more likely to get more attention? I don't know.

I think one school doesn't fit all and prehaps this isn't the right school for your DD, just think carefully because the next school might not be any better. Dare I say HE?

whathappenedtom · 07/10/2011 11:20

I do symathize as my DD1 is very bright ut gets on fine at school (mostly), DD2 is also bright but not in the least bit academic, I do get stressed and wonder if she would be better in another school (this is second one already and she is 6) or HE. But I honestly don't think HE would work (on my side at least).

timetoask · 07/10/2011 11:22

This is one of the reasons why I chose to send my DS2 to a private primary with small classes. He is quiet, a bit shy, and I know he would have been lost in a large class with more "confident" boys.
I am really happy with how his confidence is developing.

Before thinking of changing schools, could you maybe have a chat to the teacher? If you don't tell her your concerns she'll never know what is in your mind.

mistlethrush · 07/10/2011 11:26

I have a bright extrovert - and he did poorly in Yr1 - he dropped out of the top of the maths achievement to the middle - and was doing poorly in writing. This year, is completely different - and he's really happy, telling me that, once again he is doing the best maths in the class some days (and he's actually writing stuff rather than daydreaming). Just because they're extrovert doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to do well even if they are bright.

vincentvangogh · 07/10/2011 12:10

my bright and extremely introverted 4yo goes to an outstanding state school with tiny classes as it's rural. I think he's thriving, much to my delight and surprise.

builder · 07/10/2011 12:19

My dd1 is quite introverted - an observer rather than a leader. She is happy at her very mixed state school.

Mixed in terms of ability, cultural background, wealth etc.

Her extrovert dd2 is also happy there.

Look for a mixed school where it is impossible to categorise children.

HettyAmaretti · 07/10/2011 14:44

cory - Montessori is known to be excellent for academically more able children. I suppose it might not be the best for the parent but IMHO the child should be central. Surely people choose schools based on whats best for their child(ren) rather than themselves - am I being terribly naive?

Lizcat · 07/10/2011 16:09

Sorry to explain this I need to boast, apologies are coming upfront. My DD is described as unusually exceptional at maths, however, she just knows the answer and does no working out - ok now, but not great for the future when you get marks for showing your working. So help her understand how she got the answer she was placed with a child who didn't find maths quite as straightforward as her and asked to explain how to do the sums to the other child. Turned out to be friend's DD this worked for both of them DD now puts her working and friend's DD has come on leaps and bounds with the alternative description to the teachers. There maybe much more to this than just the obvious.

cory · 07/10/2011 16:27

No, Hetty, you are not being naive; of course that's how it should be and how (to be fair) it usually is. In the present instance, however...

Would love to know how exactly the OP motivated keeping her home to the child: I do hope the poor thing doesn't think she's done something dreadful by ending up on a lower table. With a reaction like that, I'd have been terrified at her age.

spiderpig8 · 07/10/2011 17:02

Hi I am just wondering how you know she is so bright relative to the other children.Not being arsey-genuine question?

Lizcat -who desctibes your DD as 'unusually exceptional '.Not the English teacher i hope

Iamnotminterested · 07/10/2011 18:53

Not boasting either but my DD had gone beyond the EYFS at the end of reception and we were told a NC level at parent's evening; TBH we were a bit surprised; How can the OP be so sure other children in her DD's class are not in this position?

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