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Original poster

Sleepovers

34 replies

Madandbad · 26/09/2011 21:03

How old would your DC, need to be before you would allow them to sleepover with a group of 4 others? Please vote for 5, 6, 7, older or never to indicate your position on this please.

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firsttimemama · 26/09/2011 21:06

I would say 8 or 9 but my dd is only 5 at the mo so not really experienced on this, but am thinking of my niece at that age.

AeolineReed · 26/09/2011 21:07

With a group of four others? About 20, and at university.

DD has been to and has had a couple of sleepovers (she's 7) with one good friend. But she's young enough not to stay awake giggling - plus she's a clockwork child, so gets into bed (wherever she is) at 7pm and goes to sleep for 12 hours. I know her friend well enough to know that she is no trouble either.

However, I would be very wary of sleepovers with large groups. I went to one in a tent when I was about 13, and we had no sleep at all. I felt utterly wretched for the whole day afterwards, and never did it again. Grin If at all, it would be when DD is in her teens.

Runoutofideas · 26/09/2011 21:18

I agree - one friend fine, group of 4 recipe for disaster! My 6 yr old had her first proper sleepover last weekend with her best friend and they had a lovely time and only marginally less sleep than normal!

dearheart · 26/09/2011 21:21

My dd is 7 and has only had a sleepover at my mum's so far. I might let her have a sleepover at a friend's, but strangely none of my friends seem that keen on the idea of hosting!

Four dc would be a nightmare - please don't tell me that is a likely scenario in the next year or two.

Original poster
Madandbad · 26/09/2011 21:40

DC is very keen to have a sleepover with BFF but BBF mother won't let her DC stay the night at ours (very overprotective - nothing to do with us I don't believe), but would have our DC stay with them. I thought this was a bit weird and just wanted to gauge what others would permit.
I have explained that if BFF is not allowed to stay here I can't permit an unbalanced friendship by facilitating the sleepovers with DC always going there.

The questioned poised above was my attempt to see if you all would feel better about a sleepover if it involved a small group of friends but clearly this scenario is worse.

Am I right not to let DC go there then?

OP posts:
Runoutofideas · 27/09/2011 07:31

I think if you like and trust the Mum to look after your DC then I would let your child go - depending on how old he/she is. It may sound odd that she doesn't want her child to come to you but there could be a number of reasons. Maybe her child wakes in the night/wets the bed/has bad dreams/will want his mum etc and she doesn't want to put you to any trouble. I think I would try to have a chat to the mum about it and decide whether to let your dc go. It could be a one-off thing - it doesn't have to get into a regular pattern.

I would want to know the mum pretty well though before sending a young child on a sleepover. (I keep saying mum because dd's friend only lives with her mum. I guess if the dad was around I'd like to know him too).

bigTillyMint · 27/09/2011 08:07

My DC were probably 3 and 5 when they started sleepovers with very close friends.

Sleepover parties (the devils work) maybe by 8?

If you feel happy that your DD would be safe and happy at her BFF's house, then why not let her go? It could be that her BFF is scared to sleepover at yours, or her mum. Why would this make it an unbalanced friendship? Let your DD take this very small step to independence.

I was just talking to a friend who said that her DD who is now 12 doesn't like sleepovers (though happy to have friends to hers), and DD has a friend (also 12) whose mum won't let her do sleepovers. So it's not that unusual.

GrimmaTheNome · 27/09/2011 08:19

It depends on the kid - my DD is 12, and she's only been to her friends over the road (2 stepsisters) so far, and that was only in the last couple of years. And even then she wanted to come home once. We've had them here too - 2 other nice kids manageable - DD prefers it that way round.

As Runout says, there may be some reason for the other mother's 'overprotectiveness'. If you know the family well enough, and would be comfortable for your DD to go there if it was a reciprocal arrangement (I'm not clear from your post how old your DD is - if you think she's old enough yet) - TBH I think you should let her go

GooseyLoosey · 27/09/2011 08:29

If there were just one child that they were really good friends with, I would say they were all old enough. With 4 others? I'm not sure. Dd has 2 very close friends and I let her invite them both for her 7th birthday and it wasn't too bad. Think 4 would have been too many for me though so I would say older for 4.

AChickenCalledKorma · 27/09/2011 08:32

8 or 9

At 7, DD1 had sleepovers with one very good friend, round the corner, whose mum was also my friend.

She's 9 and has just been to a sleepover with her current two best friends, who are both boys. I figured she may as well do that one now, before they get a bit older and have to have sleepovers in separate bedrooms LOL!

GooseyLoosey · 27/09/2011 08:32

I would let one of mine go to a child who would not stay at my house. One of dd's friends won't stay with anyone, but dd has stayed at hers. They're different children with different hang-ups. I can see in this case it's the parents, but still don't think I would let that stop the children staying.

Also if it's several children staying with several children, in different rooms, that's different. I wouldn't have 5 children trying to sleep in 1 room, but if they were in several rooms, I would be OK with that.

An0therName · 27/09/2011 09:42

I agree I would be happy for a child to go to a sleepover even if they wouldn't let their child sleep over at my house - and from a selfish point of view its less work for you.

My DS1 has done a couple of sleep overs from 4 - but that was a very close friend -of both of us
he is nearly 6 and hasn't done any with friends that don't know well - although if he wanted to go I would let him
and I wouldn't be keen on a group sleepover for a while

privateprancer · 27/09/2011 09:46

DD (4) has had 3 sleepovers so far - all at her cousins. the first one was when she was 3 and she asked to go (she has one older cousin who instigated this!). She has a couple of close friends whose parents I know and I would be more than happy for her to have a sleepover with them as long as she was happy to go (which I know she would).

TastyMuffins · 27/09/2011 09:49

In my house? Not when I'm around! In someone else's house, fine at any age providing I'm not planning anything the next day which requires attentive behaviour from DS and does not allow for a nap. DS 6 has been having sleep overs with friends since he was 3 or 4 but not as a group, there are plenty of parents I know who would never let their children stay overnight so I wouldn't bother asking if I wasn't sure they were comfortable with it.

MrsBlarney · 27/09/2011 09:55

Well, I've not really got into the whole playdate/sleepover thing until the last 6 months or so.

Ds1 is 8 and ds2 is 4. We do fairly regular sleepovers with my best friend's children who live round the corner.

They are 9 and 5. Saying that we do have to split them into the little ones and the big ones or no one sleeps. The older ones talk and giggle for a bit then sleep. The younger ones tend to go out like a light. Only trouble is where to put them all, I do seem to end up on the sofa.

heymammy · 27/09/2011 09:58

It really depends on the personality of your child I think. Other girls in DD1's class started having sleepovers around 5 or 6 but I knew that DD1 just wasn't ready for that. I had no qualms about letting other parents know that she wasn't ready.

She was VERY rigid in her bedtime routine so we sort of made a deal that when she felt able to be more flexible with her routine at home then she could go on/host a sleepover with one child. Lo and behold it took her until nearly 8 before she felt able to go ahead.

If your DD would be happy to go to a sleepover then I really see no problem with it being a bit one-sided at the moment. Other parent will relax a little as their DD gets older so it shouldn't be for too long Smile

Canella · 27/09/2011 10:02

I hate when dd (10) mentions sleepovers. She's had a few in the last year (here or at others houses)where there was her and her 3 best friends there. They dont sleep despite the best efforts of the parents so the next day is effectively ruined.

So I would say delay a group sleepover for as long as possible!

MumblingRagDoll · 27/09/2011 10:05

WIth relatives or clse friends at whatever age you think ok...with school friends....not till about 9 or 10. I can't allow my children to sleep in the homes of strangers.

stealthsquiggle · 27/09/2011 10:17

DS (8) has only ever been to one sleepover - camping - he was very nervous, but did really enjoy himself - and was so grotty when he got home that I sent him to bed Grin

DD (almost 5) is agitating for a sleepover with her best friend - friend's mother and I are stalling (friend has a sibling in DS's year, so I do, fortunately, know the parents reasonably well).

RunningAllDay · 27/09/2011 11:37

I suddenly feel very permissive. For DD1, she had 4 friends to sleep over for her 7th birthday party. We had a lady come over and do art stuff with them (the party bit), then had a proper dinner all together with reasonable food that didn't make them hyper, then a LONG play at the playpark which is close by, then a film (in jammies). They were all asleep by 10pm (normal bedtime around 7.30), but it was a friday and yes, they were grumpy on sat, but not too bad. I had permission from all parents to tell them off, and use the threat of early hometime (which would have been honoured if necessary) if behaviour didn't come upto scratch. The parents, all of whom I know, thought I was mad, but I have to say, it was lovely! No night issues and not any more stressful than an ordinary birthday party, imo.

First sleepover (with only one friend) aged 5 (DD1). DD2 (now nearly 6) has never had one - but she is a different child. So agree with heymammy that it depends on your child! (and on you!!)

MumblingRagDoll · 27/09/2011 11:48

I just couldnt let my small DDs stay at the home of someone I am not intimate with.

I cant say who their freinds or relations are can I? How would I know my child is safe? I get that they PROBABLY would be....but I think the small risk involved is too much.

An0therName · 27/09/2011 12:11

do you let here anywhere without out you Mumbling? -eg to a friend's house in the day - cos bad things could happen at anytime -I personally think that being over protective can be just as bad -

meditrina · 27/09/2011 12:15

8 or 9ish, and I'd vaguely expect it to be for special occasions (eg birthday treat). Expect very little sleeping to have happened!

Unless the four is made up of "hosts" who are twins, who are having one friend each: this somehow doesn't seem to get so unruly.

haggisaggis · 27/09/2011 12:25

dd just went to her first group sleepover this past weekend. She's 9. She has slept over with 1 or 2 friends before but this time there were 5 girls (and 2 boys but they were separate).
For what it's worth - I don't know the mother. We have recently moved to teh area so i don't know anybody. (past sleepovers were at old school). However we felt it was important for dd to go so she coudl startto make friends. We did arrange a "playdate" (dreadful word!) at short notice at the girl's house so we coudl collect dd and meet the mum. But that was it. DD enjoyed herself and slept most of the next day. I wasn't concerned leaving her. She had her mobile and the very first thing the mum did when we dropped her off was to get our contact details with a promise she would phone if dd was unhappy.

AeolineReed · 27/09/2011 15:00

Madandbad, I'd let your DC go - if s/he wants to, that is. As others have said, there could be any number of reasons why BFF is happier in her own home. My DS is ten, and nothing on earth would persuade him to sleep at someone else's house. If you stop your DC from staying with the BFF, you could unwittingly be making the BFF's life more difficult.