Sleepovers

[Madandbad]

How old would your DC, need to be before you would allow them to sleepover with a group of 4 others? Please vote for 5, 6, 7, older or never to indicate your position on this please.

(I wouldn't let any of mine go somewhere if I didn't know the parents pretty well, though. I'd also be wary of parents whom I know and don't like.)

Thanks loads guys..... Really interesting the range of advice. Have to say though... DC's BFF would jump at the chance to sleep over if let. I totally understand that if my child wants to go I should let him, but I feel DC BFF parents need to be have a bit more give and take.... This is just one example of where they expect me to bend to make it happen and I don't want to teach my child to try to keep a friendship at all costs, hence my comment about an 'unbalanced friendship'.
I see how upset DC gets when he would love to show BFF new bike or just play a wii game together etc if I don't arrange the Playdate, and wait with baited breath for a yes, it doesn't happen etc. Also, when a playdate is arranged, if it is at mine, one of the parents conveniently invites themself.
Although i put up with this to make it happen for DC, it is because I love my DC so much I do all this, but suppose I have come to the point of letting DC learn a lesson that you can't chase a friendship.
Am hoping DC BFF parents will see how much this friendship means to their child and relax a little otherwise, the friendship will have to remain within the four Walls of the school which is a real shame.

Don't really see a best way forward on this so will encourage DC to make a new BFF or at least a second which is probably healthier than just the one.

Even the thought of it makes me shudder!
Dd1 (12) has had "sleepovers" with her friends, always a night mare don't sleep, foul moods next day, bedroom trashed, children crying, threatening ringing parents - never again.
Whereas Dd2 (7) has been having sleepovers for the last year with one friend for no special reasons and have been absolutely fine bed by 9 etc.
I think it really depends on the child (yours and who is invited) - choose wisely and always have a backup!

So you have more of an ishoo than your OP suggested, Madandbad. That is a shame. Friendships where you have to make all the running are not real friendships.

You need to think very hard. You say, "I'm hoping DC BFF parents will see how much this friendship means to their child and relax a little". But is it possible that you and your DC both have more invested in this friendship than the BFF and her parents? If the BFF is not positively raving about your DC, then the parents may be wondering how to let you and your DC down kindly - and by making you do all the running, they may be hoping that you will eventually stop (I have been guilty of doing this myself). Alternatively, they are just so busy that they are hopeless about issuing or responding to invitations (I have done this too).

If their DC were really, really keen on yours, she would surely be badgering her parents to let them play together, and if they are reasonable parents, they would be responding. It does seem odd that they accompany her on playdates (unless you know for a fact that she's anxious in someone else's home - many children are).

Whatever the case, I think you're right to encourage your DC to make other friends. Your DC is presumably at the younger end of primary school? If so, having one best friend isn't necessarily a good idea anyway. How about inviting a couple of others to play for variety? If you have lots of friends yourself, that also helps to give your DC the idea that you don't just have to have one special friend, and that different people are fun for different reasons.

MAD....I know where you are coming from and I disagree wth Aoline that it doesn't mean the child isn' really keen on yours.

My DD had a very god friend in her last school (she's 7) and I had this child over a lot but it was NEVER reciprocted..well once...we hadto do ALL the running...and I did it for my DD......we have now moved schools and they didn't even respond to my open invitation to have some pladates so the girls could remain friends, so I let them go....in my mind and told DD they were busy....until.....4 weeks after term began I got a sheepish call about how they never knew what good mates the girls are....never reaalised howmuch their DD would miss mine.
Some parents are lazy.....t doesn't mean th kids aren't good mates.

dd1 is one of those children who doesn't want to sleepover, but loves having friends to sleepover at our house. She's always had a hard time with getting to sleep, and just gets homesick and sad after lights out....especially as friends tend to go to sleep faster than her. She's 7.5. I would let her have a sleep over if she wanted one, and I know she'll tell me when she's ready - as she has done with everything else.

Her friends' mums have no problem whatsoever in letting their dds stay with us, meanwhile!

With a group of 4, I would say probably 9ish...or more....but with just one friend, or possibly two, younger is fine if I trust the parents.

Sorry, missed last few posts - if the issue is the parents not letting their child come to your house, thats different. In our case, its dd who isn't keen on sleeping over at others' houses - I would happily let her

DD had her first sleepover at a friends house. Total number of girls = 4. They were all around their 4th birthday.

I totally trust the mum, we stayed until they were changed into their pyjamas and were watching Tangled.

At 9pm we got a text = all asleep.

This will be repeated next month and in January it will be our turn to host it.

I think it gets more tricky when they got older.