Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anybody's child start school knowing nobody?

28 replies

muffinflop · 28/06/2011 12:48

I'm starting to worry about DD starting school in September. We've gone against the grain and are the only ones not sending our child to the feeder school from nursery (long story as to why). The thing I'm worrying most about is that she obviously wont know anybody. She's really happy, sociable and bright and I'm hoping that follows her to the new school rather than completely knocks her confidence

I need some positive stories to make me realise I'm not going to ruin DD's life!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ComeWhineWithMe · 28/06/2011 12:51

My child changed school 4 months into her reception year due to a housemove.
She was 4 and I was really worried about her but she was fine, reception is much like nursery they will play with anyone and then proper friendships start forming towards the end of reception. I'm sure she will be fine, my dd is thriving and very happy.

eversoslightlytired · 28/06/2011 12:52

DS is starting with one other boy from his preschool but he is not one of his friends and doesnt really know him that well. Also he will be doing the different start times to him so really wont know anyone when he starts. I'm not worried about it as hope it will be good for him to make some new friends.

cubscout · 28/06/2011 13:22

My ds started Reception not knowing anyone. It was fine and he soon made friends. Their friendship groups change a lot over infants and juniors. If your dd is bright and sociable, she will be absolutely fine.

dyzzidi · 28/06/2011 13:25

My DD didn't know anyone and she was fine. The teachers allow for children not to know anyone and encourage them all to make friends.

AuntieMonica · 28/06/2011 13:28

our DD is in the same position, OP

her pre-school nursery is attached to a primary, she's not going there, but to a totally different school. she is also a bit of a social butterfly, so we've told her well in advance that she will be going to a different school, and she will wear a different uniform etc to her 'old' friends.

she is taking it all in her stride so far, says she's looking forwards to playing on the new stuff at her new school - and looking forwards to meeting new friends.

we still have doubts though - all we can do is hope we've got it right for her

aries12 · 28/06/2011 13:28

No need to worry, the child is still young enough to play with everybody. I had to change school with a 6 year old in Y2. It was not a problem. She knew absolutely nobody and she settled very quickly. I firmly believe the younger they are the easier it is..!

qwerky · 28/06/2011 13:51

My eldest didn't know anybody but hooked up with a girl on the first day and they are still great friends 5 years later.

Youngest in same position is coming to the end of reception without having made close friends. 3 girls in her class came from same nursery and the one gobby one won't let her play with them.
She has made friends with boys, they seem to be less complicated :).

Pagwatch · 28/06/2011 13:54

None of my children have ever started at school knowing anyone.
Ds1
moved into new area for pre prep
Moved county to new prep
Then another prep school with children he had only known 3 months
Moved area to senior school with no other boys from his prep

Dd started at prep school. None of her nursery went with her

ragged · 28/06/2011 13:56

DS (now y6) did that; ran in without looking back on the first day. Was totally happy about it, too. Actually, he had briefly met 2 of the other boys in his year by the actual first day.

I didn't set foot in his classroom until a few weeks after he started -- really I just went in out of curiousity, not that he needed me to.

Riveninside · 28/06/2011 13:58

All my kids have started school not knowing anyone, and secondary too. They muddle along

goinggetstough · 28/06/2011 14:02

We have moved lots to our transient lifestyle and the children have always settled and have never known anyone in their new schools. Does your school have a visit day. It is a great chance to meet some of your DD's new class mates and maybe you can exchange some phone numbers with the other mothers and then meet up in the holidays prior to starting. So at least she could recognise some faces.

roadkillbunny · 28/06/2011 14:10

In my dd's year out of the 25 children 22 of them (including my dd) had come from the village pre-school but there where 3 children who came not knowing a single person, one of them not speaking a word of English. On the first day my dd who has some tight friendship bonds with those she went to toddler group and then pre-school with came out of school with 2 new best friends, the two girls who came not knowing anyone, one of then had only been in the country for a month and knew no English (we think they bonded well as dd has speech problems so is very good at non verbal communication) and the other is blind and has some physical problems to, my dd is a carer by nature which attracted her to these children but there bond grew and grew and they are still tight friends going into Y2 (although the non English speaker is returning to her home country this summer, a sad loss to dd, the school and the village, fab family) but dd and the other girl are best friends in the world. The boy who knew nobody also settled in and made good friends really quickly. We also had a new boy start this January knowing nobody, he also has settled in wonderfully, if you were to look at the class together you would have no idea who knew who before they came to school. I don't think this is a unique thing either, at the ages of 4/5/6 friendship groups are really quite fluid and new children are a source of interest and everybody wants to be their friend, I think it is a positive to go in not knowing anybody to be honest.

GooseyLoosey · 28/06/2011 14:14

Yes - if she's sociable, she will be fine even if the rest all know each other. It's such a different environment that existing friendship groups do not necessarily last and new ones are made.

SKYTVADDICT · 28/06/2011 14:16

DD2 new no-one. We moved in the school holidays prior to her starting reception. She went to one hour settling session before we moved and came out and said "but I didn't know anyone mummy!". Broke my heart. But when she started she was fine and didn't look back.

deepfriedcupcake · 28/06/2011 14:17

She'll be fine - DS started Reception when we moved in January knwoing no-one - has made loads of friends even though most of the rest already knew each other.

Asinine · 28/06/2011 14:18

My daughter knew nearly all of the kids in the class fro nursery, but latched on to the only new girl on the first day and they have been inseparable since.

So I hope your daughter will make friends straight away, at least she will have novelty value

deepfriedcupcake · 28/06/2011 14:19

We did have the occasional "I miss all my old friends, can I go to school with them" which was heartbreaking but hasn't lasted.

LittleBoxes · 28/06/2011 14:22

Mine didn't. She started just after Christmas and settled in within weeks. She's quite a sociable girl (despite being an only child) which helped. I'm sure your DD will be absolutely fine.

Original poster

muffinflop · 28/06/2011 14:22

Thanks everyone. In my heart I know I'm doing the right thing but I keep getting butterflies thinking of her first day away from all the friends she's already made and worry she wont be able to crack any friendship groups already formed.

I'm sure this time next year I'll be wondering what all the fuss was about (fingers crossed!)

OP posts:

pinwick71 · 28/06/2011 14:27

My DS was in exactly the same position - class of 20, all of whom had gone to pre-school together. As I work part time, my DS had gone to a private day nursery some distance from home so none of his friends from that setting were going on to his school. He was a January starter too so only joined with a small group of children, all of whom already knew each other.

I was the same as you, worried about how he would cope etc - I have to say that he was a bit shy and nervous in the first week or two but by the end of term he had made good friends with a couple of the boys in the class. Now he is in Y3 and has a wide group of friends in his class and also from the other class groups.

My DD starts school in September - she went to the same nursery initially, but I then decided to enrol her at the pre-school and use a childminder. This was partly so that she would know some of those going on to the school but mainly because the pre-school is excellent and the nursery had changed ownership and was not IMO as good as before.

However, I agree with the other posters that children soon make new friends at reception age and as your DD has been to nursery she is likely to be well socialised and adaptable to new situations, which is also a bonus.

deepfriedcupcake · 28/06/2011 14:33

Thinking about it, DS was very shy because he didn't know the other children's names - pointing out that his teacher knows everyone's names and he just had to ask helped.

SybilBeddows · 28/06/2011 14:38

my dd was in a class full of children who had been at preschool together, she knew no-one.
It was fine, the school really works at forming a class identity and teaching the children about friendships.
It helped that it was a mixed age class (reception & year 1) and she was taken under the wing of one or two of the older girls and had her first party invitation within a couple of weeks.
She did find the first weeks a bit hard, she talked about not having any friends, but I am talking about literally the first few weeks.

nokissymum · 28/06/2011 14:42

ds joined non feeder school shortly after he turned four in august, he was fine, made friends and was a very shy boy. Im sure yours will be fine too.

Elibean · 28/06/2011 15:55

dd1 knew no one in her primary school, until the second term when ONE little girl she knew vaguely joined her class.

She was fine within a week of starting - and she was shy

FionaJT · 28/06/2011 18:42

I haven't read the whole thread, but I ended up wishing my dd had gone in knowing no-one. Another little girl from her nursery who she hadn't really been friends went into the same class, they clung together at the start of reception and now have rather a stormy relationship - not much in common but sort of afraid to let go of each other. Maybe would have been better to start with a clean slate.

Flip

1 2