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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Need some more help with this decision!

37 replies

gracebf · 29/11/2010 20:24

Hi, I have posted on here a few weeks ago as we need to make a decision whether to change dd's school. However, as we still havent decided Ihoped to get a few more opinions/advice.

DD is in Reception at a single sex private school and is very happy there. A place has just become available at the Outstanding state school and we have to decide whether or not to move her!

The fees are not a problem as relatives pay these and they wish dd to stay at the private school and want to carry on paying the fees. This would just be for Primary as we have the 11+ here so hopefully she would go to Grammar school for secondary.

I know it makes sense to leave her at Private with small class sizes, more opportunities etc and she is so happy. But, there is something about the state school that appeals to us and it is co-ed. Is the more balanced surrouding of state school worth losing the smaller class sizes etc of private school?

What would you do?

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whomovedmychocolate · 29/11/2010 20:26

Leave her there if she's thriving. She'll have a greater chance of getting into a grammar school.

nowwearefour · 29/11/2010 20:27

For me stability is everything. If she was miserable i would move her. As she is happy and there is no necessity to move her i would definitley keep her there. i would move heaven and earth to give my kids stability at school as i think it is so worthwhile so to move them for no definite requirement is not something i would do for my dd's.

Original poster

gracebf · 29/11/2010 20:33

Do you think that a childhood in single sex education is ok though? I am worried that the moere balanced co-ed state school may be better for her and give more rounded life experience and is worth the initial upheaval.

But then, 30 in a class means not much attention and at the she moment is in class of 12 with 1 teacher and 1 TA.

Its a hard choice as both schools are good. I am aware that she will get more opportunities in private education, but will get a very narrow view of life and wealth. She is thriving though.

If a place in the state school had come up in September we would probably have moved her, but now we have seen the opportunities available at private school, it makes the decision harder.

OP posts:

Deelle · 29/11/2010 20:56

I would not move her.
She is happy and that is so important - what if you moved her and she became unhappy?
I am currently moving my daughter (yr 3) from state school to private - but she is not particularly happy at the state school - the behaviour of some of the other children is awful and there is a bullying issue.
The lessons are regularly disrupted by a particular child.
I would think that your DD will have a much better start with her education spending primary in private school.

whomovedmychocolate · 29/11/2010 21:18

I was educated in a single sex school - with no distracting boys I did very well indeed.

sarahfreck · 30/11/2010 13:58

Make sure that your dd has some out of school opportunity to mix with boys as well as girls. Find an activity that she likes (drama, riding, art?) that is mixed sex and make sure you have playdates with families where there are boys as well as girls.

MollieO · 30/11/2010 14:07

Ds is at a single sex school and says he doesn't like girls. Complete rubbish as he goes to after school care (shared with the girls school) and enjoys playing with the girls there and at holiday club. Also does plenty of mixed activities where there are more girls than boys (riding, performing arts, tennis etc).

Single sex education works for him as the school seem to realise that small boys take longer to learn to sit still, aren't great at writing and take a while with reading. Of course there are exceptions both ways but the average boy is less able at these at an earlier age compared to the average girl. I like the fact that the school acknowledge this and teach appropriately.

howtoapproach · 30/11/2010 14:16

I would keep her there. Class size is so important.

Original poster

gracebf · 30/11/2010 14:34

She is having a taster day at state school today and I just felt so bad leaving her there. The back door was open and no one was watching the class when I wanted to leave. If she was the sort to do a runner, she could easily have done so. I had to wait for the adult to stop talking and then tell them I was leaving so they were at least half watching her.

It will be interesting to see how she got on when I pick her up..bet the snow has sweetened the deal!

She and I are used to her being greeted when she arrives at school with a small class size and then chatted to and encouraged. I'm sure its different when I've gone but I hope she has been encouraged.

I would like to have the confidence to move her to the state school but they are just so nurtured at private school, which is what children need, especially at 4!

OP posts:

MollieO · 30/11/2010 15:05

If you are so keen for her to have a co-ed education why don't you move her to a co-ed private school?

Deelle · 30/11/2010 19:54

How did the taster day at state school go?

lisacol · 30/11/2010 19:56

Issue will probably sort itself by secondary anyway. Children will thrive when they are happy, seems a risk to take her out of somewhere she is settled in. Sounds like you want to move her regardless, but there are pros and cons of both.

Would love to be able to afford to send my children privately - they are both happy at the state school, but could do with much more 1-1 time than they are able to get in a class of 30, and know that they would be achieving more elsewhere

MumInBeds · 30/11/2010 19:57

Leave her where she is but keep her out of school activities mixed where possible - that's as close as I can see you could get the best of both worlds.

Original poster

gracebf · 30/11/2010 20:22

She absolutely loved the taster day! But then I expected her to as she is quite sociable and confident.

I really want to leave her in private school and think she will do so well there.

My niggle is that finanacially she will be among more peers at state school. Also as we are not paying, will we feel more relaxed at state school?

I cant work out whether I am being narrow minded thinking she will achieve more academically at private, as on balanced she may thrive more socially in more mixed and relaxed atmospere of state school?

If I thought she would not be happy at state school, I would not risk moving her. I think she will be though, so its just working out whats best for her and balancing that will feeling guiltly about someone else paying out the fees.

She will achieve more at private but is it worth the cost?

OP posts:

Original poster

gracebf · 30/11/2010 20:23

Sorry meant 'without' feeling guilty about someone else paying the fees.

Long day!

OP posts:

Lydwatt · 30/11/2010 20:30

"She will achieve more at private but is it worth the cost?"

Why do you believe that this is the case? You seem to have definate ideas about the difference between state and private education.

Personally, it seems to me that you need to decide what you want for the education of your daughter...make the decision based on this and then stick to it. You seem sure she will be happy in either, so this come down to your philosophy and only you can decide this....

Good luck!

Deelle · 30/11/2010 20:34

At the end of the day children do better academically at private school.
Lots of people would love to send their children there - but cannot afford it.
It doesnt actually mean that all families at private school are wealthy - some just manage to scrape by to pay the fees - but see it as an important thing to manage.
You have the opportunity for your daughter - I personally would definately leave her where she is.
If your family members want to pay for your daughter to have a better education then that is lovely of them.

Lydwatt · 30/11/2010 20:58

I personally believe very much in the State system...so the decision for us was easy, even with the means to go private.

I also respect that others have a very different view of it.

This is why I think it does come down to what you want in the end.

I hope this helps....

Deelle · 30/11/2010 21:05

Lydwatt - can I ask why you believe so much in the state system?
Our experience of it has not been an enjoyable one - hence the decision to change to private in Jan.

Lydwatt · 30/11/2010 21:15

Many, very personal reasons really. my parents' bad experience of private...my sister and brother in law's equally bad experience. My good experience growing up in state education (and my brother's)...my twenty years of working alongside excellent teachers in very fine state schools. And finally, the wonderful experince my children are having.

This sits alongside my husband's very happy experience of private education.

To me, it shows that the distinction is not between 'State' and 'Private' but between 'good' and 'bad'. Sometimes its easy to assume these mean the same.

The Op can read what the likes of you and I have to say but, in the end, it comes down to what she wants from the schools she picks and what they have to offer...regardless of the money.

lovecheese · 30/11/2010 21:15

Deelle at the risk of sounding argumentative I find your comments quite offensive.

Lydwatt · 30/11/2010 21:17

lovecheese

Deelle · 01/12/2010 16:30

Im sorry Lovecheese - certainly didnt mean to offend anyone, although to be honest I cant understand which comment is offensive?!

sue52 · 01/12/2010 16:43

If your daughter failed the 11plus would you still be able to keep her in private education? The switch from a small single sex prep to a large state comprehensive could be challenging.

Lydwatt · 01/12/2010 17:36

without putting words into lovecheeses mouth...probably this one:

At the end of the day children do better academically at private school.
Lots of people would love to send their children there - but cannot afford it.

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