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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

help me here I have a serious dillema - well serious to me.

27 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 09:40

DS2 is due to start nursery in January.
I have not even looked at achools.

Now my dilemma is I want him to go to a multi cultural school - unlike the school DS1 went to. This is not racism before anyone says it is, just DS1 went through hell at school for being the only white child in his class and only one of 5 in the entire school.

The problem I have is the area I live in is a predominantly black area, which doesn't bother me in itself iyswim?

Would it be worth it if I were to try and H.E a 3yr old?
Or should I look at schools?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Teacher401 · 03/09/2010 09:45

Look at the schools before making a decision, phone up and ask for visits during the school day so that you can see what the catchement is like. Children don't legally have to be in school until age 5, so home education wouldn't officially need to start until then.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/09/2010 09:59

I would look at schools but keep HE as a fall back. Your DS2 doesn't have to be in formal education of any kind until he is 5.

I agree that schools that are largely monocultural are difficult for children that are not of that culture and not necessarily a good thing for those who are of that culture. I decided against trying for the very good church school near where we live because there was a real risk that DS1 would be the only Muslim in his year and possibly the school. I rejected some other schools where the dominant culture was a combination of bengali and north african despite the fact that DS1 is half north african and speaks arabic as I could see DS1 becoming part of an arabic speaking playground enclave. I had the luxury of chosing private education and picked a school in a diverse area of London so it is an ethnically and religiously mixed school.

One option might be to find a school (or even more than one) you like a bit further away that is a bit more diverse and accept that you may need to HE for a bit whilst you wait for DS2 to move up to the top of the waiting list (I think if you can get on the waiting lists of more than one school it shorten the wait).

PYT · 03/09/2010 10:02

You want to HE your child purely because he will be in an ethnic minority at school?

Or do you have other, sensible reasons for wanting to HE?

I think I will have to hide this thread before I say something I regret.

bumpybecky · 03/09/2010 10:08

Look at the schools and see what the reality is rather than your assumption of the situation.

I think you'd be daft for starting to HE for the reason you've given before you'd even tried the school. Give the school a chance and see how it works out.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 10:11

Thanks, will look at some schools. I just don't want DS2 going through what DS1 did.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 10:16

PYT, Yes that is the reason. Because I know the hell my eldest went through being the minority. I heard other pupils saying "Don't play with him he's white" along with a load of other things - do I want that, similar, same or worse for DS2? YOU CAN BET YOUR LIFE I DON'T

You know what I find bizarre is the people I know are of mixed opinions as the whether to agree or not with what I say - but the ones who do are either parents of mixed race children or of black children. It is white people who have an issue with what I have said.

I want DS2 to experience multi cultures not one or two and to be in the minority.

OP posts:

bumpybecky · 03/09/2010 10:18

But your ds1 is quite a bit older isn't he? I'm thinking there must be an 8 or so year gap. Schools change, the teachers and head might be different now. Give them a chance and see how it goes :)

BTW, I do understand a bit - dd1 started school where she was in a minority. I found it very difficult as the other mother's would not (in some cases could not due to language barrier) talk in the playground. We moved in the end to a totally new area (mostly to be near DH's family).

PYT · 03/09/2010 10:25

I just think that if your child is suffering racial prejudice, you take it up with the school, you stand up to it - you don't decide to hide your child away at home.

I am all for HE, but I think your reasons are misguided. That is my honest opinion.

I have mixed race children, by the way.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 10:48

There is 9yrs between the DC. DS1 was bullied right up until he left primary in 2009. Even the last week of his schooling there he was subject to bullying.

It had gone on for years and I always stood up for him and went to the school about it. Things never improved.

He then went to secondary and after a month I had to pull him out for the same reasons.

He started a different Secondary in November last year and has not been bullied - the difference is that the first 2 he was in the minority and in this current school he is part of a multi cultural school.

I am not hiding either DS away I just don't want to go through it all again.

OP posts:

hocuspontas · 03/09/2010 12:42

You have, as you see it, a problem. WHY have you not looked at schools yet? If my first child had had a miserable time at primary I would've made it a priority to look around at suitable primaries for my next child. GET LOOKING!!!

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2010 13:00

Hocus - hmm why haven't I looked at schools...well I was planning on moving out of london halfway through next year so was thinking it would be unfair on DS2 to move him iyswim?

BUT now I am worrying.

I just need someone to help me find him a school....there is a school literally 2 houses away with a nursery but i have read the offstead report and was not impressed with it tbh.

OP posts:

Smithagain · 03/09/2010 22:37

Go and see the school that is 2 houses away. I was not impressed with my daughters' school's Ofsted report, but now that DD1 has been there for four years, I don't know what planet Ofsted were on when they wrote it!

oldinboden · 03/09/2010 23:42

I thought if a child was subjected to racial abuse then it had to be reported to the LEA, parents involved etc.
Why aren't the schools doing that?

rainbowinthesky · 04/09/2010 07:45

I dont think you have described your situation clearly enough hence some of the comments here. I take it that your concern is not that your ds goes to a multicultural school - you want this- but that he doesnt go to a monocultural school where there is one majority culture and your ds is not part of this.
Totally understandable and I speak as a mother of mixed dc. Both mine go to very multi cultural schools and ds is now 14 and there has been very little serious racism that I've heard of.

You do need to go and see the schools to see if any are multicultural.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/09/2010 10:17

Rainbow - The school which is local to me doesn't have a very good offsted report either so I have ruled that one out. The outdoor area for nursery and reception is too small for their to be any useful activities for the children - this is what the offsted says and having walked past I have to agree!!!

But I have found one which I like am going to call on Monday to see if I can go and look round.

OP posts:

edam · 04/09/2010 10:24

There's nothing wrong with wanting a multicultural school rather than one where your child will be in a tiny minority and possibly subject to bullying.

Dru77 · 04/09/2010 11:40

OP - I have just removed my child from his primary school for this very reason. At the start of the year there were maybe 5 white kids in reception. Over the year they all left leaving just mine and 1 other. The other 1 (best friend) declared they were leaving in the last week of term due to relocation which would have meant my child was the only white person in year 1.

I am not aware of any racism in the school but there was most definitely a social divide in that my child was not invited to any parties/playdates by the non-white kids. I'm not aware that they even had parties. A lot of the parents didn't speak English which made it nigh on impossible to forge friendships out of school as they never understood that we were inviting their kids round.

This is not in London btw but Leeds. We have now chosen to go private to a lovely school which is still very multi-cultural but where my dc will not be the lone white person in his year.

I agree with you that people can be very shocked that we have taken this view but the reason that the old school was filled with muslim kids is that families from far and wide selected that school so that their kids could mix with people from their culture. Why is it therefore frowned upon when we want the same thing?

mamatomany · 04/09/2010 12:03

Ofstead reports are generally bollox.
Who do you know, local teachers, other parents, you need opinions from the ranks, people who's opinions you trust to tell you about schools not random people off the internet.

mamatomany · 04/09/2010 12:05

Ps My DS is 12 weeks and i am taking steps to sort his schooling out now, you need to get your arse into gear as I am far from alone and if I and 29 others find the best schools your not going to get in.

Curiousmama · 04/09/2010 12:17

TLE good luck I hope it goes well for you and DS. It's good that you're taking the time to make sure ds2 will be ok. I'm still waiting to see if ds2 has got into a 'good' primary (we just moved) and he should be starting Tue!! He has a place in the not so good one so am on tenderhooks.

edam · 04/09/2010 15:05

Nice attitude, Mamatomany. Think you've bought into some middle class hysteria there, 12 weeks is far too soon to start panicking. You've got at least 2.5 years to move house if that's your idea (think I had to apply for state primaries when ds was three) and if you are looking at private, putting a name down very early is no guarantee - not at academic schools, anyway.

Teacher401 · 04/09/2010 15:16

Mamatomany you're actually wrong, it make no difference whether you apply when your child is 12 weeks or when they are 3/4 all applications are considered at exactly the same time.

DiscoDaisy · 04/09/2010 15:16

My friend moved house when her LO was 6 months old because she didn't want the child to attend the local "bad" school. By the time her LO reached school age the school where she had moved to had gone downhill and the old "bad" school had vastly improved due to a new headteacher. My friend was mortified because they couldn't afford to move back to the original area.

mamatomany · 04/09/2010 17:42

I am far from panicking, I am researching, having been done this road three times already I am aware that for church schools you need your name on the waiting list from birth, Christenings need to take place, you need to live in certain streets to within catchment. All of this takes time to organise, years in fact.
The good schools rarely go bad but of course the so called bad schools do improve.

But you need to know at least roughly which ones you are considering early IME.

Teacher401 · 04/09/2010 18:51

No for church schools you don't need your name on the waiting list from birth there isn't a waiting list for the class until the application deadline. I teach in one and have been part of admissions panels. Your application will be kept in a folder until the time of review for that year group places. The only thing you may need to organise is baptism. However if you apply 3 years in advance with a baptised child and another child applies 2 days before deadline in the same situation then it will be down to the other criteria such as address.

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