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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

dd1s bully has come over, how do I get rid of her

29 replies

disneyspendingmoney · 03/01/2019 17:22

DD1's bully has come over, dd2 let her in by accident. Dd1 is 12 btw.

It turns out this girl has been encouraging dd1 to self harm and is pretty much a cause of her school misery.

I've only just found this out.

I could do with a straight forward, not cruel phrase to ask her to go.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/01/2019 17:23

Hi, Bully, I'm afraid it's time for you to go now. We're going to have dinner/go swimming/do homework now.

Then a long hard look at her.

Polly99 · 03/01/2019 17:23

“Sarah, we are having some family time this evening, so you’ll need to head home now please.” Said briskly and without fuss.

bsc · 03/01/2019 17:24

"Please leave now, we have things to do."
She is a child. Just show her to the door Confused

potatoscone · 03/01/2019 17:24

Don’t be fannying about trying to be nice, just tell her it’s time she left.

HollowTalk · 03/01/2019 17:25

Or why not tackle it: Hi Bully, you'll have to go now as Daughter has a doctor's appointment.

Shame on her for encouraging your daughter to self-harm.

Soubriquet · 03/01/2019 17:25

Ok Lucyfer you need to go. I’m about to do tea

Singlenotsingle · 03/01/2019 17:26

We only have friends in this house. Time to go!

bsc · 03/01/2019 17:26

And I'd be teaching DD2 a bit more about safety and not opening the door by herself. How old is she that you let her do that? or maybe where you live is very safe? I don't let my 12yo open the door even

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 03/01/2019 17:26

Sorry madam you aren't a nice friend so can you please leave now?

Justmuddlingalong · 03/01/2019 17:26

"Right, coat on, time to go."

Original poster
disneyspendingmoney · 03/01/2019 17:37

I have go no idea why dd2 did the door, she knows not to answer the door and could see who it was through the video screen. But she has a thing for dd1's "friends" wanting to hang around with them all the time.

Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:
SawnUpLooRoll · 03/01/2019 17:57

Is she gone?

Original poster
disneyspendingmoney · 03/01/2019 18:03

yep, I used a straight forward it's time to go.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 03/01/2019 19:00

Hope you said, "and don't come back!"?

potatoscone · 03/01/2019 19:13

And I'd be teaching DD2 a bit more about safety and not opening the door by herself

It's not normal to be scared to open a door.

OPDD is 12. It's totally age appropriate.

SawnUpLooRoll · 03/01/2019 19:25

How on earth did this girl act while she was there? I can't imagine my high school bullies in my home...

Original poster
disneyspendingmoney · 03/01/2019 19:56

How she acted?, she spent time with dd2 drawing and watching TV, while dd1 was in her bedroom avoiding her. She was nice and pleasant to dd2. I had a chat with dd2 afterwards as to why she opened the door, it was because she recognised her on the video screen, so pressed the door lock button.

OP posts:
Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme · 03/01/2019 20:08

You need to make sure your bullied child is ok - her bully just physically invaded her home. She needs to know you have her back. Make sure the other child knows this girl is a bully and that she isn’t someone to trust or be friends with.
Be tough about this - I’d make her apologise to her sister for allowing her bully in.

shpoot · 03/01/2019 20:25

I'd have a long hard word with DD2. She likely doesn't want to get bullied herself but joining them is not the answer. Hope DD1 is ok

bsc · 03/01/2019 20:27

Potato- dd1 is 12, dd2 could be any age! It was dd2 that let the bully in, hence me asking her age.

Slightlycoddled · 03/01/2019 20:31

I think I would have said words to the effect of

"Hello X, I'm glad you 've come over, I was hoping to have a word with your parents, let me take you home and see if they are in shall we?"

Surely you are not letting encouragement of self harm to go undiscussed/unacknowledged? Or are the school dealing with it?

Slightlycoddled · 03/01/2019 20:33

Sorry, that came out a bit more bluntly than intended, very sorry your dd1 is going through this Flowers

EnolaAlone · 03/01/2019 20:39

This situation happened with my DH, who was bullied at school. The bullies would often come round to his house to hang out with his younger DB, purely to intimidate DH and invade what should have been a safe space for him. Of course, DB thought it was really cool that these older boys wanted to befriend him, and didn't see it for what it was. DH moved nearly 200 miles away as soon as he could, and sees DB as little as possible.

Original poster
disneyspendingmoney · 03/01/2019 20:55

Well I've spoken to both of them, dd2 now knows not to let this girl in. dd1 and I have had a chat and I found out last week that this girl was "encouraging" self harm. She's on the periphery of dd1 friends group. So it'll be a tricky one to manage. School know about dd1 self harm but I'll be telling them about this girls influence.

EnolaAlone what you said really bothers me, I'm an only child do I have no idea about siblings and I would want the dds to be a support network for each other. And I'm a bit concerned about how they are going in different directions. dd1 already thinks dd2 is favoured over her. One problem us the size difference between the two. There is only 18 months between them but dd1 is over 32cm taller (I just mesured) and dd2 is very slight.

I think it's sorted for the time being

OP posts:
potatoscone · 03/01/2019 21:00

Sorry misread that

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