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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

DD aged 9 asks silly and untimely questions at most difficult and inappropriate time. Is this attention seeking or something else?

32 replies

nilly1306 · 21/06/2016 22:56

I have always patiently answered my DD aged 9 questions, to the best of my knowledge and appropriate to her age. However, recently I have noticed that she asks silly (to me) questions, like "what sort of clothes would you have on your fairy" just as I'm struggling to get her toddler sister to put her shoes on, or getting her ready to leave.

Whitest at the G.P. and trying to talk to the G.P. she asks questions which not only irrelevant but also cannot be answered in a short way, then again in the queue at the chemists, while her sister is playing up and needs my attention. Is this a cry for attention? If so how do I deal with it, when clearly I cannot give her the attention she requires at that time.

Any advise please.

OP posts:
ThornyBird · 21/06/2016 22:57

Watching with interest as I have similar with dc3...

Original poster
nilly1306 · 22/06/2016 21:28

Any advice anyone Sad

OP posts:
ThisIsNotARealAvo · 22/06/2016 21:37

Watching also as my DS aged 8 does this, especially in the doctors. I now try to pre empt it by reminding him I will need to listen to the doctor and will answer questions afterwards. That helps a bit. Then I try to distract him during the conversation with an activity of his, and I have resorted to my phone. It's really annoying but of course he knows that. It's definitely attention seeking with him, caused by anxiety. He is adopted and had lots of scary meetings in his life so wants to be in control I think.

Lucked · 22/06/2016 21:48

Mine is only 4 so not quite the same.

I do think they should know that interrupting on a whim is rude, especially if it is to change the subject rather than join in - (yes I need the toilet or someone is bleeding are exceptions). Often if I am trying to get out the door I defer it until we are walking or in the car and then bring it up again.

Original poster
nilly1306 · 27/06/2016 19:42

Thank you for your comments. In hind sight I think it is a nerves thing, nevertheless at age 9 she should know not to interrupt. I think another chat with her on this is in order.

OP posts:
Shallishanti · 27/06/2016 19:49

'if you really want to know, can you ask me later/when we are finished here/and we'll talk about it then'

vickibear · 01/07/2016 07:09

Just let her be a kid. Kids will be kids. Don't be so strict like that.

lenibose · 01/07/2016 07:16

No, she may be a kid but she isn't a baby. She is old enough to know not to interrupt at the doctor's. Just say, 'I will explain later. Please be patient.' Repeat ad nauseum.

SavoyCabbage · 01/07/2016 07:17

If you aren't talking to another person I think I'd say 'are you joking asking me that now when you can see I'm having a bit of trouble with your sister! Can you do an funny face to see if you can get her to stop or get her duck out of my bag. We will talk about what clothes my fairy would wear when we get in the car' I'd try to bring her in on to your side. You and her are the ones with the crying toddler, trying to get her to stop.

If I was talking to someone I'd say 'don't interrupt me when I'm talking Lucy, it's rude'.

TrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous · 01/07/2016 07:18

I wonder if she's just trying to engage / join in the conversation?
I haven't experienced your situation (I think - not quite sure I get it) but my dcs often want to discuss crazy things and if it's not appropriate I just tell them we'll have this discussion later as I'm busy doing X.

TrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous · 01/07/2016 07:20

Oh, savoy sounds like a good technique.

Shakey15000 · 01/07/2016 07:22

You could say things like "hmm, interesting question, let me have a good think then we'll talk about it when we're finished here"

Gives the short attention, you've taken an interest and there's an answer on the way?

vickibear · 01/07/2016 07:23

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 01/07/2016 07:25

I'd go along the ' don't interrupt ' line personally. At 9 she should know better,she wouldn't do it at school!

lulucappuccino · 01/07/2016 07:26

vickibear, that sounds like the crap lazy parents come out with.

vickibear · 01/07/2016 07:34

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crystalgall · 01/07/2016 07:36

Woah what just happened?!

QOD · 01/07/2016 07:37

vicki your crazy is showing, you might want to tuck it back in

DropYourSword · 01/07/2016 07:39

What just happened!!

LimitedSedition · 01/07/2016 07:40

Oooh, vicki, it's too early in the morning for that, love- did you mean to be so rude???

crystalgall · 01/07/2016 07:40

Erm back to question my DS can be like this (4.5). I just keep repeating I don't know darling ask me later etc etc.

The worst is interrupting. I do the whole I'm talking don't interrupt me please. But since we explained that when you want to talk to someone you say 'excuse me please?' He just interrupts with that instead!
So I'll say I'm talking please wait hell just say excuse me pls a million times until I answer.
Sometimes it's easier just to listen so I can get on with the conversation.

SeemsLegit · 01/07/2016 07:41

Woah!

Believeitornot · 01/07/2016 07:43

I suspect it is a bit of attention seeking and nerves. Sounds like she does it when you're dealing with your younger one

In which case can you involve her?

And give her a special time for talking just you and her.

maxeffort0satisfaction · 01/07/2016 07:44

I sympathise. I know it can be awkward as hell. But I don't think she does it on purpose. just say: ask me later because I need to listen/to sort this out etc and then try and remember to answer or that she asked a question and say what did you want to ask me?
the thing is she is coming to puberty and teen years and you don't want to make her feel like an inconvenience when she comes to you with a question because though they are trivial now they may have more serious ones later like being bullied or body issues or sexuality or whatever. you want her to feel like she can come to you to talk anytime and that your door is always open for her.
one I use sometimes is: I'm not sure what do you think about it?
as said the I need to think about it a bit is also good but make an effort to actually answer.
She wont be like this forever and as I said you want her not to be afraid
to ask you or approach you if there is something going on with her.

when I'm trying to get my children to school one of them likes to chat about anything and everything which stalls them and makes it awkward so I say lets get ready first, save the chat for later. and we talk about it on the way to school.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 01/07/2016 07:48

Ignoring vicki for a second...

My 4 yo does this. I've found that if I set aside time for her questions she does it less. I also 'brief' her, eg. We're going in the doctors now, if you think of any questions can you remember them til we're back in the car?

We have one to one time in an evening and I make sure I turn off the radio in the car so she can chat and ask away.

I agree that I think it is linked to anxiety, if I need her to be quiet I make sure she's chosen an activity (phone, story, toy) to take with her. At 9 could she take a pencil and notebook and write down her questions? Or a story with her answers? It sound like she has a fantastic imagination Smile

I also think pp's suggestion of getting her onside getting the toddler ready is a good one. Even at 4 my dd will get ds' snuggle or find his shoes for him etc.