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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Help around house....12 and 10 year olds

35 replies

hypermum1 · 22/12/2015 20:55

Hi all. How much do your children help
Out around the house? Mine are driving me crazy! All they want to do is sit around on the x box. When I ask them to do the smallest of jobs all hell breaks lose! They are both quite mature and more than capable but they are lazy! So, do other peoples kids help out??!!

OP posts:

Morifarty · 22/12/2015 21:18

I have a 10 year old. They get computer time, but only on the understanding that when I ask for help, they help. 10 year old manages:

vacuuming
steam clean floors
can load and unload dishwasher
can wash up and dry up
load the washing machine, fold and put away clean clothes
sort pets.

they also have to keep their room tidy and if it's a tip in the morning, no computer time all day.

You have to use whats important to them, and take it away if they abuse it.

At first I made mine do all the jobs before computer time (not the whole list above, just what needed doing!), but they are better at it now, and will leave computer to do what is asked. My 10 y/o will also do some stuff off their own back (not all the time though!)

Dotty342kids · 23/12/2015 09:57

Mine are the same age. One boy, one girl (and it's my son who's more helpful!).
They will, when asked (and often after a bit of groaning and whinging), load washing machine, put their ironed clothes away, empty dishwasher, set the table, clear the table, hoover and mop. Trying to get them to keep their bedrooms tidy is an ongoing mission however....
Also trying to train them to wash up / dry up though whenever we leave them to it they just argue and squabble with one another!

BoboChic · 23/12/2015 10:01

At 12 and 10 you can and should expect DC to take care of their own rooms and to tidy up after themselves (bathroom, kitchen) and not leave a trail.

However DC are not servants and should not be asked to do general chores.

maybebabybee · 23/12/2015 10:05

Why not bobo? They live in the house same as everyone else. Why shouldn't they contribute?

BoboChic · 23/12/2015 10:08

Because they are children. They aren't allowed to work for money to contribute to the household budget and making them do general chores is merely a way of getting round child labour laws.

Pigwitch · 23/12/2015 10:14

That's hilarious Bobo. What a load of crap.

youngestisapsycho · 23/12/2015 10:14

Ha ha... child labour! Mine are chained to the sink till the kitchen is spotless!

TheWoollybacksWife · 23/12/2015 10:29

I have had success this week with writing a list of chores that need to be done by noon on Christmas Eve. So instead of (IMO) vague jobs like tidy your room I have written "empty all the upstairs bins", "put on a dark wash", "clean the bathroom sink and toilet". Everyone saw the list and had to sign up for at least three jobs. Everyone has done what they signed up for and if a job wasn't done I knew who to nag blame chase. Nobody felt hard done by and there was a good combination of small and longer jobs. It was a fairly long list though but the only things left are a bit of food shopping and some wrapping - both of which are actually things I signed up for

Dotty342kids · 23/12/2015 11:04

Well, that's an interesting point of view Bobo
As far as I'm concerned, all members of the household contribute to general mess and dirt and as such, should help to keep on top of it! It's the start of teaching them to be all round responsible members of society , not child labour!!!

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 23/12/2015 11:07

There's a bit of a difference between child labour and helping out around the house Bobo!

maybebabybee · 23/12/2015 14:29

My mum used to make me empty the dishwasher and hoover the living room. Is better contact the police immediately - had no idea she was using me as child labour!

Thanks for enlightening me, bobo.

Samantha28 · 23/12/2015 14:32

Children are not servants , they should not be asked to do general household chores

So what if you are not rich enough to have servants , who does the aforementioned household chores ?

wonderpants · 23/12/2015 14:41

I was trying to explain to my pre-teen kids that if they get to 16 and are unable to manage basic life skills like washing, ironing, cooking and taking care of oneself, I have failed as a parent. They have a few years to learn and practice.
They grunted back at me!

5madthings · 23/12/2015 15:12

Madthing2 is 13 and madthing3 is 11 today. Like their siblings they are expected to pitch in as and when asked. So stuff like setting abd clearing table, sorting laundry, hoovering etc all age appropriate stuff. Washing up, drying up and basic cooking. They get their own bfast in yhe mornings and will get their own lunch.

General stuff like picking up after themselves, emptying lunch boxes, sorting uniforms and pe kits and keeping bedrooms tidy is expected then other stuff is as an when required, we don't have a set job routine but they are expected to help when asked.

The rule in this house is we all make the mess so we all have to help tidy up.

Pmsl at the child labour comment.

I have four boys and a daughter. They are all learning general household organisation, cooking etc as they are life skills. I am their parent not their servant so we all help each other.

Tinseleverywhere · 23/12/2015 15:24

I think kids should help, it's good for them to have responsibilities. I don't do strict lists of chores though. I like my dd to do her own room and I try to give her the more fun and easy jobs. She likes to do a bit of cooking. I'm not the world's best housewife though so things do get procrastinated by me and I don't feel I can tell dd off for what I do myself.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 23/12/2015 17:07

I genuinely believed I was raising two children to be capable adults but now I realise, thanks to Bobo that I am in fact raising servants

So in Bobo's house, when exactly do the children begin to learn how to do these chores?

Headmelt · 23/12/2015 17:09

Bobo, that's both hilarious and ridiculous. I can imagine all the tribunals around the world . How will children fend for themselves if you don't teach them until they start earning a wage? What if they don't work in paid work until after university, is that still slave labour?

BoboChic · 23/12/2015 21:49

Both my DSSs are at university and have absolutely no difficulties at all taking care of themselves . It's hardly rocket science to cook, clean and do laundry - it doesn't require years of laborious training, but rather clear standard setting.

Dancergirl · 30/12/2015 18:46

Personally I disagree with the notion that if you don't teach them young they'll turn into lazy feckless adults.

I didn't do much around the house when I was young, yet I managed to cook, clean and look after myself when it was necessary.

I'm not saying children should do nothing, I teach my dc that we're a family and we all muck in together. However I think children work much harder at school than they used to and are under more pressure. And I also believe that there should be plenty of time for children to mill around and daydream etc.

It's about balance. Of course children should help out a bit but some are doing too much.

Warmworm · 04/01/2016 11:14

Mine keep their rooms clean, make their sandwiches for school, and empty the dishwasher. They also do instrument practice every night. If they do all that they get £5 pocket money each.

It's great, it really helps me and its part of their routine now so no moaning or anything.

Mamamoose1 · 11/01/2016 21:34

My 9 year old is responsible for keeping his room tidy and his bed made, he puts his empty lunch box and water bottle on the kitchen every day after school and school related letters for me to read. He brings down his dirty washing/cups every morning, sets the table, feeds the cats some mornings and also helps out a fair bit with his baby sister and younger brother, in all honesty he chooses to do that without me asking. He doesn't do a lot compared to a lot of children on this thread, but as he gets a bit older, I will add other responsibilities for him. I think it's important to strike a balance!

Mamamoose1 · 11/01/2016 21:35

Dancergirl-I agree!

Moln · 11/01/2016 21:41

They can do everything. Empty bins, wash up, put a wash on, vacuum, clean the bathroom, cook and so on. The 12 year old can iron. I've shown them all things. They might not do them that well but there's time for improvement; they also don't do them as a set chore but will if asked.

worriedmumred · 11/01/2016 21:44

11, 8, 6

All help load/unload dishwasher
Unload/load washing machine
Feed cat
Put away their own washing
Help clean out car and wash outside
11 yr old has a go at cutting grass and hoovering
Things like putting loo roll on when needed
Laying table
Putting shopping away
General help tidying up their own crap
Not much really!

No whinging allowed

Soooosie · 11/01/2016 21:45

13 and 11 year old here.

Daily One unloads and loads dishwasher

Other sticks the Hoover/brushes round the living areas and wipes the dining table/kitchen surfaces daily

No screen time until jobs complete

They also make their beds, hang towels after showers, tidy toys away daily.

Big job on weekend. Washing car together, cooking family meal together or sorting the garden out together. Maybe an hour and a half for which they get £5 pocket money

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