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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Shes only 9 help!

45 replies

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 00:52

My DD1 was 9 in April. Shes the second tallest in her year and has been a bit "hormonal" for a few months. Today i noticed that she's growing underarm hair, its already over a cm long. I didn't start developing till i was 12 and am a bit unsure of how to help her. Shes a redhead and the hair is orange, should I encourage her to remove it as i don't want her bullied and the only other girl in her class going through this was waxed by her mum
I use a mooncup so have no sanitary products in the house.
What do I need to buy for when her time comes? Its been a while since I started and there must be better products out there for teens than there were when I was young

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freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 01:03

Hi my DD is nearly 11 but been hormonal since she was 8. She has some under arm hair and a small amount of pubic hair too! Her breasts are budding and she is very moody..it's hard because she's still only 10 and I must admit I thought it would all happen in secondary school but she's only just going into year 6 this year! Anyway personally I would not even suggest hair removal at this age, I'm waiting for her to decide what to do. None of her friends have even noticed yet and she doesn't seem embarrassed. If you suggest getting rid of it she may think it's wrong or become ashamed of whats happening to her body?

freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 01:04

Oh and I've bought her some sanitary towels and left them in the bathroom. She knows about periods and what they're for so fingers crossed is well prepared!

D0oinMeCleanin · 09/08/2014 01:05

My dd1 is also 10 and is as Freya describes. I'm waiting until she asks, upon which Veet have a young teens version. Until it's an issue for her, I don't want to make it an issue at all, iyswim?

thornrose · 09/08/2014 01:12

My dd started developing about the same age as yours. It never occurred to me to mention hair removal at that early stage. Dd was a bit proud of hers luckily.

Dd had her first period at 10 and we tried lots of different pads. It was tricky as the slim fitting ones lacked absorbency but the thicker ones were too big to fit on her knickers.

I was amazed that her blood loss was so heavy, naïve of me I suppose!

The Li-lets pads have pretty packaging but to be honest there aren't any products that really stand out.

The important thing will be making sure she has access to a sanitary disposal bin at school. Often they're only in the Year 6 toilets and my dd was still in Year 5.

I'd say lots of talking and preparation. Oh and my dd had the most horrendous PMT!

Hulababy · 09/08/2014 01:15

Dd started developing around the same age.
She started her periods at 10y9m.
She didn't start removing underarm hair til summer before secondary school - so 11y and only because she asked.

Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:16

Thanks both! I'm trying to keep it low key but was worried after the other mum mentioned waxing. Has anyone got any recommendations for first period products? I think she's going to be earlier than I was, it's so young. How do we deal with the school thing? If she starts her periods they don't have the sanitary bins in juniors.

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Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:19

Ahh. Xposts!
Thanks for the help. I'm just so worried that I will scare her, she knows some bits of what's coming but was not expecting it so soon and m a little unsure of how to proceed without making it a big deal.

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Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:27

Thanks Thornrose. I have idea of what facilities the school has for the toilets. I will be peed off if they say use the teachers loos. I just want to be prepared. She's so young

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D0oinMeCleanin · 09/08/2014 01:29

I bought Dd1 the Osbourne "What's Happening To Me?" girls edition. She seems very well informed after reading and re-reading it and repeating the bits on masturbation to her great grandfather (it is all very age appropriate, if a little detailed)

We keep some pads in the bathroom, just in case. I bought Always, because that's what I used when I first started. She knows to let her personal liaison at school know if she first comes on at school and we live mere seconds away from school.

Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:31

Thanks Dooin. I will take a look at that!

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Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:34

What worries me is that all junior girls share a loo and there is no bin for any products that I have seen. I've heard of girls having to use the teachers loos but that makes them stand out and can be daunting. Bloomin eck thought I had longer before I had to think about this

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WaffleWiffle · 09/08/2014 01:39

My DD has been developing from 8 years old, she is 9 (nearly 10) now. She has fully hairy bits down below, almost to adult proportions. She has breasts, needs a bra, has hormonal acne and has to use deodorant. I fully expect her periods to start this school year (she'll be in Y5).

I bought the Osbourne book mentioned above. Struck me as very grown up for her when I first bought it (she was 8) but came to realise that I cannot change the fact that she is developing so she does need to know this stuff even if I consider it grown up. She's quite savvy about the whole puberty thing now.

I have some pads ready in the bathroom. She has asked me about hair removal (leg shaving in particular, hers are dark hairs) but I am putting her off it and trying to delay getting into shaving. I keep trying to explain that once you start shaving, you will always be shaving and the novelty soon wears off!

thornrose · 09/08/2014 01:39

Dd had this book.

D0oinMeCleanin · 09/08/2014 01:40

I've been thinking dd1 would start any day now since she was 8 (pubic and underarm hair, breast buds etc)

She hasn't. She'll be 11 in December. You might still have time.

Have a chat with the school and ask them what would be in place, just in case.

FWIW, dd1 is a drama llama and loves using the teachers anything, she's often found in the staff room sobbing into their biscuit tin about how hard done to she is (seriously we almost had SS at our door once because I refused to allow her to eat for weeks -read slightly over cooked the pop tarts once-) Your dd might not mind using the teachers loos.

When I was young being the first to start your period was worth major kudos.

WaffleWiffle · 09/08/2014 01:40

Fanjango - she will not be the only one going through this at school. And the school will already be experienced with girls starting puberty and their periods while at primary school.

BOFster · 09/08/2014 01:47

Just leave her be- she'll let you know or remove the hair herself if she feels the need. Let her enjoy the little time she's got left free from performing femininity.

Original poster

Fanjango · 09/08/2014 01:52

Thanks all. I know she's not the first to go through this so young but I was so much older it's hard to help, I was short and underdeveloped do I was bullied as I was without boobs at 12.
I was shocked about the waxing of her friend but I rennet the shame of being hairy and how it took ages to be brave enough to tell my mum how I felt. I'm being open but she's so young

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Dotty342kids · 10/08/2014 17:15

My DD is 9.5 and has had hair down below for a few months now. My DH is from an Indian family so body hair (judging by her legs) was always going to be an issue. She's had some teasing about her hairy legs and although she knows about shaving and waxing, doesn't seem bothered enough at the moment to want to do it, though she does talk a lot about not wanting to "change", bless her
I think it's really hard for them when they develop early as they still feel like children but their bodies are starting to say something entirely different!
The only hair removal we have tried was on her quite visible moustache. We tried facial hair removal cream but she didn't like the stinging sensation so doesn't want to do that again. I've told her the other option is waxing and next time I get my eyebrows waxed she'll come and watch, so that she can see what's involved and choose whether or not to do it.
I just can't believe how early all this starts. She was needing deodorant just before her 9th birthday, and developing "buds" and yet she's only tiny / very slim, it's not like she'd had a major growth spurt.
All you can do is talk to them about the options if they seem bothered by the changes, let them know that it's ok to be how they are and ensure they see that you're ok with your body, it's shape, size, wobbly bits etc, before the dieting paranoias all kick in at secondary school!

Original poster

Fanjango · 11/08/2014 00:26

It is hard isn't it Dotty. Her elder brother was big for his age, I kept trying to scrub his face when it looked constantly grubby aged ten. Turned out it was the start of his moustache
She doesn't take after me in body shape at all, she's tall and sturdy and I was small and skinny at her age, so the whole puberty but is nothing like mine. I was still going without a bra at 13 having only just started periods before my 13th birthday. You have to tread a fine line. They need the information but also not to be upset by yhexegole thing, especially when most of their friends are years from going through it. I'm going to get the book mentioned by several posters, thanks for that, it looks like it should be just what she needs.

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MmeLindor · 11/08/2014 17:11

My dd hasn't started her period yet, but I bought a little first period set from Tesco, nicely packaged in a small toilet bag here.

She's had the Osborne book for a few years now and is pretty well prepared, I think.

Isn't it odd, that schools don't have bins in primary school loos? Some of DD's friends have already started their period, and you'd think that it would be much better to manage this discretely.

morethanpotatoprints · 11/08/2014 17:18

My dd had a little show around 9, she shot up has pubic and underarm hair, boobs, and has had nothing since.
I agree, you may have some time yet.
it's good to be prepared though and we had the talk when she was about just 9.
If you are happy discussing it you don't necessarily need books, I didn't want to make it into a big issue and she hasn't mentioned about hair removal at all.

ilovepowerhoop · 11/08/2014 17:22

I have that starter pack too from Tesco. DD is 10.9 yrs old and has pubic hair but no underarm hair. She is also developing breasts but hasnt had a period yet.

I started my periods when I was 11 so she may start soon too...scary thought

Theas18 · 12/08/2014 12:41

Only just found this.

Deep breath OP then in the nicest possible way, head out of sand and man up ! ( I like to mix my metaphors!)

In year 5 I believe 1 girl per class on average has periods so your DD is unlikely to be the most developed and unlikely to be the only one with a bit of armpit fluff.

The girls only and the usbourne " what's happening to my body" books are good.

My DD had hormone issues and had hair and boobs early. There was surprisingly little problem with it. At 8 she'd still stand chatting in the swimming changing room without at stitch on and her mates didn't bat an eyelid. We gave her a battery ladyshave at 9 " just in case you feel like shaving under your arms" .

Make a little pack up of towels etc and you'll be all prepared.
Generally periods don't start till significant breast development is in place though.

Original poster

Fanjango · 14/08/2014 01:24

Theas I know you are right. I'm not a feeble idealist really . It came as a shock when I realised that she is further through puberty than I thought. I have been matter of fact about it and totally open in my approach with her it's just taken me aback how fast the changes have come. I actually worry that I'm too blasé about things which is why I asked for advice, it's the first time I've been so stunned and unsure. My eldest started puberty early but it's different with boys, not such extreme changes.

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Original poster

Fanjango · 14/08/2014 01:29

Sorry pressed too soon. Thankyou for your advice can anyone recommend a type of towel for a young girl? I mean knickers aren't really designed for this at that age are they . What sanitary products are a) acceptable to a young girl and b) suitable for smaller size?
I used bodyform when I started but at the tone they felt like a housebrick and I hated them. I have used a mooncup for that long I'm a bit out if touch with the products out there

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