Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

11 yr old Birthday present how much is too much?

29 replies

Smurfy1 · 28/04/2012 21:00

DSD turns 11 in July and we have bought her a laptop, but I am having second thoughts mainly due past posts and not wanting her to think she is getting spoilt as she came from having truthfully nothing at her mums to a (what we think) is a normal bedroom, possessions for her age ie she has a tv, wii, ds, phone that she has aquired in a short space of time

So if we keep the lappyu till xmas as her main present and get her what ? or am i being silly

OP posts:

squashedbanana · 28/04/2012 21:02

My daughter got a cheap phone (I cashed in my phone fund as well which covered the cost) some books, new shoes (£9.99 from shoezone), and clothes from ebay and lunch at Wagamama's for her 11th if this gives you an idea

foxinsocks · 28/04/2012 21:03

I got dd a laptop for her 11th (hers was in August last year just before she started secondary school). Has been so so so useful for school homework. Some of the stud they submit online etc.

I think it's a great present.

I don't know what your relationship is with her mum - are you worried that you are outdoing her in terms of presents? Could you say it was a joint one if you are worried?

foxinsocks · 28/04/2012 21:03

Stud = stuff

foxinsocks · 28/04/2012 21:04

Ps laptops these days don't have to be enormously expensive. There are lots of v good deals

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 28/04/2012 21:05

DSD phone is my old one

unfortunately everything else is really new still due to having only wkend clothes, shoes etc upto January

If she grows again before her birthday I could do a shopping spree

The lappy was my free gift for my new contract (hence why we have it atm) free is my fav price rofl

OP posts:

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 28/04/2012 21:57

Thanks

Fox, thats not an issue the BM gave DSD up in January due to her new BF not liking kids but thats on a completely different thread!

OP posts:

CeliaFate · 29/04/2012 13:13

That poor little girl. Her BM must be a right cow. I would gove her the laptop. If she shows signs of being spoiled or ungrateful then you can impose sanctions, but it would be a very useful gift for her.

judithann · 29/04/2012 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

startail · 29/04/2012 22:58

DD got a new lap top for Xmas and a £60 phone for her birthday.

But the lap top doesn't really count because it was to replace one that Sony had designed with faults. Not one she hadn't looked after.

Sony customer service stinks!

NatashaBee · 29/04/2012 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 29/04/2012 23:50

Judithann

Why would i even think of telling the cost of any present I was just explaining the reason why I had it 3 months before her actual birthday? It doesnt matter I got it for free to her it is worth £459 and I choose a crappy phone just to get it

I think I was just thinking it would be too big a present for her birthday as I was brought up with say £30 spent on birthday but a massive xmas and she is getting a party aswell

OP posts:

BackforGood · 30/04/2012 00:00

I think that's a massive amount, but, on any thread on here about money... pocket money to what you spend at christmas, what you pay your babysitter or hairdresser, or what you spend on your weekly shop..... you'll always find there is a huge variety.
If you'd like her to have the laptop, but don't want to set a precedent, then perhaps you could talk about it being a symbolic present to recognise she's starting secondary... blah, blah, homework, etc.,... and not to expect anything like that as a matter of course in the future ?

btw, my dcs don't have that list of things you consider to be standard in their bedrooms or even in the house, between them. So it's a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' question.

BloooCowWonders · 30/04/2012 05:49

Going back to the op, I don't think that tv and wii are 'normal' in a dc's bedroom.
Neither would I let my 11yr old have a laptop. In my family, all computers stay out of bedrooms and in living/ dining rooms.
I really like the idea from the poster above about some outdoor equipment.

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 30/04/2012 06:05

Sorry she only has a 14 inch TV which is linked to a DVD player only in her room, sorry i didnt type that very well everything else is in the living room and the laptop would be staying in the livingroom with her dad's. Outdoor stuff would be great but we live in a flat with no garden and nowhere to store it either.

believe me atm all we are getting is that xyz has a xbox, ps3 etc and the latest blah and what the hell is Paul's boutique?

The TV was off freecycle and the dvd player was given to us from my sister who was upgrading, her phone is my old 1, the DS wasn't new either and the wii was ours from before she moved in, we can't afford brand new most of the time but i need my contract phone so thought why not get the freebie we could use to save money for her birthday party, as she has never had one we tried last yr and the mother forbade it.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 30/04/2012 09:11

Ah! That post sounds a bit more like our house

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 30/04/2012 17:07

On 5th nightshift brain starts dribbling out of ear

OP posts:

CointreauVersial · 30/04/2012 17:13

I think it's a perfect present for an 11yo, in preparation for secondary school/homework etc, maybe also a bit of a reward for working hard at SATs and recognition that she might be having a hard time family-wise.

If I ever get my DCs something larger than usual for Birthday (like DS's X-Box) I tell them that their Xmas present will be smaller. They have always been fine with that. DS, for example, just had a hoody and an X-Box game for the following Christmas.

cory · 01/05/2012 09:27

There is absolutely no rule that says a Christmas present has to be more expensive than a birthday present. In my family we tend to do it the other way round.

Original poster

Smurfy1 · 01/05/2012 20:35

very true i think we all tend to base presents and preceived value/ amount of presents by what we got by our parents to a certain extent

OP posts:

FernieB · 02/05/2012 10:40

I think a laptop is perfectly reasonable. My DD twins had a laptop each for their 11th and it's been so useful. A lot of their homework is computer based now and they spend ages making/editing movies themselves. They already have phones and do have their own TV/DVD but I don't allow it in their bedrooms - it lives in the spare room which they use as their living room when they don't want to be with the old people (us). Most kids, I know have all the things you listed, albeit they've acquired them over a long period, and your DSD has got them quite quickly but I can understand you not wanting her to feel left out.

BTW I'd never heard of Paul's Boutique either until a recent shopping trip with my girls and their friends. Fortunately, none of them like it, unfortunately they all want to shop at Hollister.

rosettes · 02/05/2012 10:43

I think it is too much for an 11 year old and I would buy her either something outdoorsy or a trip out with theatre tickets. My 12 year old doesn't have a laptop and doesn't really need one as she can use the home pc for homework. I MIGHT get her one for xmas, when she'll be 13.

Hulababy · 02/05/2012 16:49

I think a laptop is fine. It's not like she always has to have such a big, expensive gift.

DD is younger and has her own computer, having upgraded it from a netbook - the latter she got age 6y. Having possessions doesn't make a child spoilt. That is to do with attitude, expectations and behaviour. If she starts to display unpleasant tenancies in this way - deal with them separately, have sanctions, remove the use of said items, etc.

A child can be "spoilt" in terms of how they behaviour regardless of how much money there is a round.

Hulababy · 02/05/2012 16:52

rossettes - my DD is still in primary but is still expected to use a computer for much of her homework. Her homework includes producing presentations and a great deal of research, much of which we need access to a computer for. We do have a laptop, but that is mine. I have work to do also, and tbh, I prefer not to share mine much as I have stuff on here that I don't want to risk losing or whatever. So, DD having he own computer made much more sense.

Having a computer doesn't stop her doing other stuff either.

BackforGood · 02/05/2012 23:30

Depends as well on how much other members of the family want to need the computer for important things like their jobs, others doing homework, MNing, their hobbies, e-mails, skype, banking, shopping, etc. Being "able to use the PC for homework" is easier if you are an only child and neither parent wants to use it, than if you have several siblings and 2 parents needing to use it.

PoohBearsHole · 02/05/2012 23:43

I think it sounds a nice thing to do, a sort of welcome home/birthday/growing up present. I agree that spoit is not necessarily a monetry thing (unless you happen to have a father who is formula 1) it can also be an attitude and it is how you present these things.

If it helps dh and I are considering getting dd a computer (she is 4) now this sounds mad I appreciate however dh's work sell them off for £50 (screen/etc etc so desk top) and she is learning all sorts of things and is using a computer all the time at preschool. We also are very aware that our computers both belong to our places of work so we would like to have somewhere to keep the family photo's! But I know that it sounds bonkers to say we would be buying it for her - when actually we wouldn't be!

Flip

1 2