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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

Well...I kno wfor a fact that you're all going to scowl at me for this but TBH I don't care.....

47 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 10:02

it's about ds3 and nursery.

He's not especially enjoying it, well he does if I stay which I'm not going to do.

I've been called to collect him early each time he's been.

Today I have switched my phone off and won't be answering the phone until he's been there for a long enough time for them to work with him and bring him round to playing.

I know thats shite parenting but ds1 did the same and we never had to go and collect him, I think they are taking the piss by phoning after 50 minutes to say they can't do anything.

Too bad...it's your job...encourage him...don'[t just sit him on your knee and ignore all the paints, playdoh, sand, water etc etc all around...encourage him to play.

There...so shoot me.

OP posts:

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KBear · 21/09/2006 10:04

sounds like you need to find another nursery!

nutcracker · 21/09/2006 10:04

I think thats fine, at the end of the day he has to get used to it, what about when he starts school ??

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 10:05

Actually, the thought had crossed my mind Kbear.

OP posts:

Pinotmum · 21/09/2006 10:05

They have his interests at heart not yours I'm afraid. A few sessions of easing him in would pay off. I work in one before you attack me

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 10:08

That it's nutty.

I was amazed when the called the first time, Ds1 caused merry hell until yr1 and I was never called.
I know he'll just expect me to be there before all the other mum's all the time otherwise, He's not silly...infcat he's a probably the smartest of all three for working out how to get his own way, especially at almost 3 yr old( b'day on sunday)

OP posts:

oliveoil · 21/09/2006 10:08

How long has he been going?

Dd1 started in the September and took till about Christmas to stop crying on the way in!!! She is super sensitive though. I never ever had to go and collect her though, they just distracted her and told me she was ok after about 30 mins and played ok.

Loves it now.

threebob · 21/09/2006 10:09

I wouldn't switch my phone off - too much like tempting fate. I would however say "so, there isn't actually anything wrong with him? He's not ill? Oh, okay then get him off your knee and get him painting and I'll call in an hour to see how he's going."

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 10:12

this is about his 5th session Pinot.....I'm comparing this to the other nurseries Ds1+2 went too.

they both went to different ones, ds2 never cried. EVER, not once so he's not really a factor but friends with children at the same nursey were never called either.
DS1 was a nightmare, cried almost every time from playgroup-nursery-recption-yr1 and to be quite hinest it drove me insane.

I'm not going to go through it again.

it[s been 40 mins now so where coming up to the maximum time he's stayed.....

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 21/09/2006 10:13

Not sure I'd turn my phone off either but I think I'd refuse to go and get him.

nutcracker · 21/09/2006 10:13

TBH it sounds like they just aren't trying hard enough with him.

Mum2FunkyDude · 21/09/2006 10:15

Agree with Threebob,

Tell them to try harder, if you switch off they can't contact you in case of an emergency either!

Carmenere · 21/09/2006 10:16

Well I wouldn't turn my phone off and I would allow at least a couple of weeks for the child to settle in and I would hate to think of her very upset and upsetting the rest of the class for the best part of an hour.
But that's just what I would do and probably will be doing next week when dd starts pre-school. She is my first and I may well feel differently if I was in your position.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 21/09/2006 10:16

ohhh, your suggestions to keep my phone on sound better than my hiding behind it switch off....

I'm at home anyway so do I ignore th landline and answer the mobile then??

God, I can't do anything without MN

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 21/09/2006 10:19

I would be astounded if dd's nursery called me (to collect her) for any reason other than illness. DD used to take up to an hour to really settle properly in the mornings. IMO they need to try harder and he needs to have a proper session so he can start to get into the routine and get to know people. If the staff are not making the effort maybe a change of nursery is your best bet as KBear says?

doggiesayswoof · 21/09/2006 10:20

Sorry x-posted. I would answer the phone but just refuse to come and get him unless he's ill.

TheRealCam · 21/09/2006 10:24

at the nursery for being such wimps

spinach · 21/09/2006 10:26

i realise this is frustrating for you, but its not that unusual for a nursery to call after 50 mins if a child cannot be calmed. Also, they do have to consider other children there, espwcially the ones starting new this term... its unsetling for them to see other children so upset for prolonged periods. It also takes staff time away from the other children. I know it must be difficult for you but they do have a whole range of things to consider which mught be what makes them call you.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2006 10:27

Next time you go to the nursery say you need to have a chat to them about DS3. Tell them in no uncertain terms that he needs to beactively encouraged to play and settle in and that calling you to pick him up afer 50 minutes us not going to help him at all.

HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 10:27

this should be bread & butter stuff for a nursery - I'd make an appt. to see the manager or find another nursery frankly.

Am not sure I would refuse to go and get him either - they clearly have no idea how to deal with him or they wouldn't be calling you. It would worry me how they might handle the situation if I didn't collect. I'd ask for a refund and go elsewhere.

Pinotmum · 21/09/2006 10:29

When we returned for this term we were told to encourage parent/carer to remain for whole of first session and gradually ease off. This is completely the opposite of last year which was unless parent wants to stay let them leave. I think there has been new advice from the Pre-school Learning Alliance or some other "childcare" body. I know when both of mine when to pre-school/nursery you were practically chucked out of the door. I know children can "work" their parents as my ds is the best at it. We have one boy who cries his heart out when mum takes him but skips in when brought by Grandad - I hope yr ds3 has a good day today

Bramshott · 21/09/2006 10:30

Some nurseries tend to be a bit more like this than others in my experience. My DD goes to a nursery and a pre-school, and the pre-school will call on the slightest pretext: "she's not quite herself today, can you come and get her"? I think because they assume we are all sitting at home just twiddling our thumbs until it's time to pick them up again! The nursery on the other hand is very much more "she's a bit under the weather so shall we give her calpol?"!

daisy1999 · 21/09/2006 10:30

you need to talk to the nursery about how they can try to settle him but tbh I would want them to call me if my child was upset constantly for more than half an hour

NAB3 · 21/09/2006 10:32

I think you are completely wrong to turn your phone off. I think your child has learnt that you pick him up early if he doesn't settle. Most kids would rather be at home with Mummy. I also don't think it is the right nursery as ringing to ask you to take him home early doesn't help him settle. I took my child out of playschool as soon as there was a problem and it took half the time to settle her in to a nursery as we all worked together.

HuwEdwards · 21/09/2006 10:33

I'd be worried about how the nursery would cope if it had a serious situation on their hands...

Pinotmum · 21/09/2006 10:34

Bramshott - a pre-school would not give calpol or any medication to children with or without parental permission. They offer sessional care of a max of 2.5 hrs so medication shouldn't be needed as it should of been administered before.

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