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Premature birth

Connect with others and find premature birth support.

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Original poster

Just need a rant about women wanting early babies

49 replies

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 17:36

I had DS at 36 weeks and currently pregnant with DC2 and all the anxiety that goes with it after a bad time the first time round. If I see one more post on mumsnet such as "I'm so unlucky, I'm 37 weeks and fed up" or "hoping for an early labour" then you read on and see the poster is 35 weeks or something I think I'm going to scream.
I know I should stay away from the pregnancy board but it's quite hard to do when I'm actually pregnant.
I'm hoping to be 40 weeks and delighted about it!

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ShadowFire · 10/05/2015 17:52

I hope your pregnancy with DC2 goes well and you have a lovely healthy full term baby.

DS1 was born at 34+1 weeks, and one thing that became apparent fairly quickly, was that people with no personal experience of premature babies are often pretty ignorant about the extra risks and health concerns that can cause problems for premature babies.
We even had one doctor acquaintance tell DH that 34 weeks gestation wasn't really premature, which was bloody annoying given that at the time, DS1 was still on CPAP because his lungs weren't developed enough for him to maintain his breathing unaided.

Try to ignore the silly comments. They're clearly uninformed about prematurity and wrongly think that premature babies are mostly just like full term ones, except maybe a bit smaller.

DS2 was born at 37+2 weeks, which is short of the full 40 weeks, but I was really happy that we made it to (just) full term.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 18:00

Thanks ShadowFire I think you're right and people just don't realise. I don't think I realised exactly what it would be like, but still I knew enough to realise that a term baby would be better - I was terrified when I went in at 35 weeks, being one of the naïve people might've been nice!
I get the 'not really premature' thing a lot too, and I know compared with much earlier babies he's not in a way as health wise we've been lucky and size wise he's caught up. But we still have a few difficulties with winter bugs and developmental delay - took him 4 months to smile and 7 months to laugh, that was a looooong 4 months
I'm glad I have this area of mn to rant on

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croon979 · 10/05/2015 20:25

I have just had a baby at 33 weeks. He is currently in neonatal and doing really well but the whole thing has been very traumatic, terrifying and I have been very ill. I agree that people do not think and I constantly have to stop myself from commenting on posts.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 20:42

croon it's hard when you're going through it, glad your son is doing well and hoping you'll both be home soon

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AwfulBeryl · 10/05/2015 21:00

I do know what you mean, it used to really annoy me, although I am less bothered by it as time goes by. NICU is a long distant memory for me now.

Tbh I wonder if I would have been among the people who "want this baby out now" if I hadn't had prem babies. I certainly don't think they want the NICU experience - who would. They're just venting.

Good luck croon, hope it's not too long before you get your baby home. The day I found out I could take my dts home was the happiest of my entire life.

AwfulBeryl · 10/05/2015 21:34

And I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well Abbey.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 21:51

Thanks Beryl. All good so far but early days (15 weeks) although I'd had placenta bleeds by this time last pregnancy so glad it's nice and boring so far.

I don't mind the moaning from the overdue or term as much as I'm guessing it's pretty uncomfortable towards the end. More the ones that want the baby earlier than 37. I guess it's just something people say though without meaning it

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AwfulBeryl · 10/05/2015 22:23

You're right they just don't think about what could happen, if they knew they would think differently.
How old is your ds ?

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 22:28

He's almost 8 months actual, 7 months corrected. After the emcs and some complications we were told it would be very difficult to conceive again, so this is my not unplanned but also a surprise baby! DS will be 13 months hopefully if this one arrives on time

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AwfulBeryl · 10/05/2015 22:42

Oh it's still very early days for you then, I found the whole premature experience a lot easier to deal with as time went on. The first year was very tough, especially coming up to their first birthday, which was really emotional.

13 months will be a lovely age gap, my dts have friends with similar gaps and they're all so close.

We decided not have anymore after having the dts, they were 30 weekers, I don't think I could go through another twin pregnancy not knowing what might happen. Plus I'm not too sure I could cope with another set of twins - as much as I love them

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 11/05/2015 09:30

How did you cope with the 1st birthdays if you don't mind me asking? I found his due date very hard although things were quite raw then.
I think our age gap will be very hard work but hopefully it will pay off when they're older and they might like the same days out etc (they'll probably like completely different things now I've said that!)

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AwfulBeryl · 11/05/2015 13:53

I cried and are a lot of chocolate tbh I just embraced what ever I felt at the time, even if it was wallowing a bit. I spoke to other people online who helped. Things really have got easier as time goes on

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 11/05/2015 14:07

I'm glad things have got better as time has passed for you. I can hopefully use the excuse of being heavily pregnant for not having a massive fuss on his birthday and hopefully keep it small. In later years when he'll remember and have an opinion we can have a big party if he likes

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Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 11/05/2015 16:09

Birthdays were hard for the first few years. Dd was 27 weeks, was very sick for her first year (100 days in hospital, 60 outpatient appts with her five consultants, home on 16 meds a day). Her first birthday I was so sad. By her third it was lovely, although I suspect separating from xh helped! Prior to having her I've been overdue with ds and tbh pregnancy after 37 weeks was awful, even though I'd luffed being pregnant up to then, Prob as he was a 9lb monster. Sooo I kind of get the whinging (after 37 weeks) but know which cause of distress I prefer. People don't really get what prematurity can mean, possibly because it's a spectrum from small but basically fine to lifelong disabilities.

AwfulBeryl · 11/05/2015 16:13

I think it's a bit pointless having a huge first Birthday celebration, most first birthdays I know just involved close friends, relatives and a baby rubbing cake in to its hair.
My 2 are 5 next birthday and they can't even really remember last years, I wish I hadn't bothered spending all that money now.

plentyofshoes · 11/05/2015 21:21

I have been told on more than one occasion that I am lucky to have never gone over 33 weeks. Both times.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 11/05/2015 21:31

Beryl I too thought a big 1st birthday party was a bit unnecessary seeing as DS won't care or remember but wasn't sure if it was my birth trauma thoughts clouding my judgement, so thanks for that.

plenty I get that one too. And lucky not to have got stretch marks, got my figure back quicker etc as if I was bothered about those things at the time

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plentyofshoes · 11/05/2015 21:47

Yes lucky us! No stretch marks! It does get easier over the years, but people do not think at times and this is hurtful. I have said it before on here, but I get upset about never having a pregnancy spa day. It is not the spa day as such but what it represented. I never had it with my first as baby was prem. Then had to cancel it with my second as I threatened early labour.

Both times when I left the hospital all I got was "so small" comments and not one bloody balloon.

plentyofshoes · 11/05/2015 21:51

Rant over, sorry

Hobbes8 · 11/05/2015 21:53

If it helps, I had my first at 36 weeks, 8 day stay in SCBU, fed through a tube, etc.

My 2nd pregnancy went to 40+3, easy birth and home same day. I was delighted!

I wasn't particularly upset on my prem child's first birthday, so I surprised myself by being really shaky and emotional when I went back to the hospital for my booking in appointment for my second.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 11/05/2015 22:01

It's the place for ranting plenty and I'm with you on the spa day! Although clearing my desk and getting my presents would also have been good.

Glad your second pregnancy was good Hobbes I felt sick going for my booking but the midwife was really nice and I'm at a different hospital too which really helps.

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MintChocAddict · 11/05/2015 22:21

Ah, people just don't think I reckon. No way would they want the whole pre-term experience. They just don't get it and ignorance in their case is bliss!

I was told on a number of occasions after my 33 weeker was born how lucky I was not to have had a long pregnancy. Didn't feel like that when I was sitting beside his incubator or when he was having blood transfusions and brain scans. But you know what I've mellowed to it over time and come to the realisation that people just say stuff. It's like the you've had a boy you must want a girl next and vice versa. Just people talking shite!

I ended up going well overdue with my next one funnily enough and was willing him to hurry up. Never thought I'd be doing that!

croon Hope you get your wee guy home soon.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 11/05/2015 22:36

I suspect it's one of those things that, unless you've really experienced it, you just make flippant remarks about. Which doesn't excuse it.

I can't understand anyone saying you're better off having a baby at 33 weeks than going to full term That sounds spectacularly ignorant!

I'm currently 36 weeks and uncomfortable and fed up... I'm definitely looking forward to being on the other side. However, I'm not wishing the baby here just yet!! It needs at least another 2 weeks cooking!

MintChocAddict · 11/05/2015 22:43

I agree. I don't think your average Joe is aware of how much help a 30+ weeker might still need. People associate prematurity with tiny babies of 24 + weeks due to what they read in the media and don't realise that at 33 weeks babies will often still need help to breathe, be unable to suck and may have a range of other health problems.
My DS was very unwell when he was born and took a while to rally round, but I still got a fair few lucky you / short pregnancy comments once he was home and well.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 12/05/2015 09:53

I guess I knew it was best to have a term baby because I'd signed up to emails saying 'this week your baby is developing lungs' etc but I guess a lot of people don't and think they're just smaller. That's another one I get as DS was a good weight for gestation (so probably would've been a 10lber at 40wks) that I didn't have to squeeze a whopper out!

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