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Premature birth

Connect with others and find premature birth support.

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Original poster

Just need a rant about women wanting early babies

49 replies

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 10/05/2015 17:36

I had DS at 36 weeks and currently pregnant with DC2 and all the anxiety that goes with it after a bad time the first time round. If I see one more post on mumsnet such as "I'm so unlucky, I'm 37 weeks and fed up" or "hoping for an early labour" then you read on and see the poster is 35 weeks or something I think I'm going to scream.
I know I should stay away from the pregnancy board but it's quite hard to do when I'm actually pregnant.
I'm hoping to be 40 weeks and delighted about it!

OP posts:

EeyorePigletAndPoohToo · 12/05/2015 18:05

"Not a single bloody balloon".

Oh gosh that sounds far too familiar. DS1 was born at 24 weeks and we received no congratulations at all, though we did get quite a few sympathy cards!!! I do understand that people just didn't know what to say and had no idea if it was appropriate to celebrate his birth, but having friends telling us they were "sorry to hear our news" was like a knife in my heart.

One of the silliest comments I received, on hearing that DS spent 120 days in NNU, was "oh good - you missed out on all the sleepless nights then!"

Congrats on your second pregnancy and I hope it's dull, uneventful and loooong. X

sunflowered · 12/05/2015 21:29

I agree mintchoc - at 33+5 DD was intubated then on cpap even though I'd had the steroid injections, but if I tell people she was premature and 6 weeks early they say "oh not too bad then". I knew that she was likely to be ok in the long run and we were lucky that she improved quickly, but I couldn't just nod and smile and agree so it's led to some awkward moments. The other thing that really upsets me is people saying "oh she just couldn't wait to get out". I had to have a c section due to pre eclampsia so every time someone says it it reminds me that I gave consent for her to be born early (I know this is irrational as there really wasn't a choice about it but for some reason it still feels raw).

No balloons here either, and no 'get well soon' cards even though I spent several days in hdu. None of our friends offered to visit in nearly 5 weeks in hospital. I think many people just don't know how to react and in our case avoided the issue. and I'm covered in stretch marks.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 13/05/2015 11:54

sunflowered same here with the 'he just wanted to meet you' and 'he wanted to come out' remarks. I was being monitored and he was totally fine in there, similar to you I had to have a c section for my benefit as I had a large bleed from placenta praevia.

I'm trying to avoid Facebook at the moment. I know it's not aimed at me but when people are on about their pink or blue scan it makes me feel really weird. I know the anomaly found at mine wasn't as bad as many (my placenta) but I was nervous last time and even more so this time. Although I know I'm lucky in that in a month I'll know if I have the same condition or not, so a lot less uncertainty than many prem mums

OP posts:

Dildals · 15/05/2015 16:23

Oh, can I have a little rant as well?

I had 29 weeker twins, of which only one survived labour. So, you know, not feeling my best. My surviving twin was in NICU at the time, a couple of days (max 5-7 days) after birth, and my SIL texted me that her DD and DS really wanted to meet their new cousin and whether they could come in to hospital to visit?!?! Now, apart from the fact that visiting children are not allowed in a neonatal unit, would you really want to take your 8 and 10 yo to a neonatal intensive care unit? Would that not give them a few nightmares? Also, do I really want to interact with her children, put on a brave face etc, just so her kids can have a nice time 'meeting their cousin'. I am probably overreacting, but seriously, it still infuriates me after almost 2 years.

The other one that gets my goat of course is the 'at least you have one'. Ah yes.

Pregnant now again (eek) and secretly hoping for a baby shower.

Dildals · 15/05/2015 16:25

And to add to the FB point. I did point out to one of my FB friends, who was fed up with being pregnant, that if her twins were to come out now she would be spending about 6 weeks in neonatal, which is not much fun either. She agreed. (And her babies did actually came early in the end). Oh FB, so much fun.

WinterIsGoing · 15/05/2015 16:27

Is full duration still thought to be 40weeks +/-14days?

I think i read that in France they think its 42weeks?

Dildals · 15/05/2015 16:30

Term is not a particular point in time, it is anything between 37 and 42 weeks. Some babies are ready to come out earlier than others.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 16/05/2015 13:39

There's been some research recently, as a few 37 weekers can be in special care, that 37-38 is going to be classed as 'early term' that's why they now do planned c sections at 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason, and give steroids injections to 37-38 weeker mums too. So although 37-42 is term it's now thought 39+ is a lot better
Of course most 37 weekers have no problems and if I get that far I'll be very happy!

OP posts:

plentyofshoes · 16/05/2015 16:00

Dildals I am sorry for your loss. Some people do not think. After ds was born my sil put photos of him on Facebook. They were private pics I had sent fil and ds was in his incubator and this still upsets me years later. When you need support some people can make the situation worse.

Dildals · 16/05/2015 21:56

Thanks plentyofshoes shall we organise a joint spa day/baby shower?

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 16/05/2015 22:44

Sorry for your loss Dildals

I'm determined to have a spa day this pregnancy, even if it means having one very soon!

OP posts:

plentyofshoes · 16/05/2015 22:46

Only if there are balloons there

RueDeWakening · 16/05/2015 23:12

Dildals, I can totally relate to that - my DS1 is a 31-weeker surviving triplet. I was told (by a midwife on the maternity ward, where they'd stuck me in a bay alongside women with actual babies next to them ) that I should think myself lucky, I still had a baby so there was no need to be so upset.

We were lucky in that a good friend of mine is the sister in charge of our local NICU, it helped so much knowing that when I wasn't there, she was looking after him, with his TPN, longlines, CPAP, antibiotics, NG tube, bells, whistles and monitors attached to every visible bit of skin, and the smallest nappy available in shops which was massive and came down to his knees...

Good luck to all of you who are currently pregnant, and here's to a nice, long (but not too long) and uneventful pregnancy and birth :o

littleostrich · 19/05/2015 09:00

I think a lot of people genuinely don't understand the realities of a premature baby. DS was born at 34 weeks, and about three days later someone wrote to me on Facebook asking why we were still in hospital. I hardly even know her (friend of DH's family) so in my emotional and overwhelmed state I really didn't appreciate her saying "my DS was three days early and only a couple of lbs heavier, why can't you come home yet?" - um, probably because there's a big difference between three days early and six weeks early, and a lot more to it than just his size?

DidThatJustHappen · 27/05/2015 00:07

Dildals - so sorry for your loss. I'm going to join in with the SIL rant. When I was in HDU and our ds (also a 29 weeker) was in NICU my dh rang his sister for some support and she hung up on him because she couldn't come and visit with her two kids! Just bizarre. She is still cross with us about the whole thing (a year down the line and ds was in NICU for 6 weeks so you think she'd have got it??)...

Good luck with the spa day. I doubt I'll have another shot at it but if I do I am having a very very big fancy spa day, baby shower and balloons.

elliejjtiny · 24/06/2015 21:01

Some people are so thoughtless. My 4th son was born at 35+3 and my 5th at 36+6. So many people when I was pregnant with DS5 said "I expect you'll be hoping for another early one". One dr when my waters broke with DS5 at 35 weeks asked why I was stressed. Then looked at me like I was an idiot and said "35 weeks is nearly term you know". DS4 was in neonatal for 28 days, DS5 for 5 days. Both needed CPAP and feeding tubes. DS5 had to be resuscitated and narrowly escaped being on a ventilator.

elliejjtiny · 24/06/2015 21:04

PS when DS4 was born my MIL asked me if there was anything I wanted and within reason they would get it for me. I asked for a foil helium balloon. DH thought I was nuts and said I should have asked for something more expensive!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 24/06/2015 21:08

I'm actually really glad I read this thread. Currently 38+1 (which I know isn't particularly early) and desperately willing baby out for various reasons but having read this I'm happy to let her cook as long as she needs.
to you all for everything you've been through.

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 25/06/2015 10:10

That's lovely Grotbag I hope everything goes well.

I had my 20 week scan a few weeks ago and all is well, so should be on course for a term baby this time. I'm still anxious though!

OP posts:

Dildals · 29/06/2015 15:56

I know I shouldn't care but my friends are organising a baby shower for second pregnancy because I didn't get to have one last time round.

secretly :-)

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 29/06/2015 16:04

That's nice Dildals - if you want one that is! I think I'd secretly like one this time even though they aren't quite my kind of thing. We were going for afternoon tea the day DS was born and I texted everyone a few days before (I was in on bedrest) but one friend got the arse I didn't show up !

OP posts:

Dildals · 30/06/2015 09:14

I know baby showers are a bit naff, but like you I am still secretly pleased.

I even bought a book on pregnancy and birth the other day - I am doing things the 'normal' way this time round!

Beetleandbug · 07/07/2015 13:59

Just crashing to say Congratulations to Dildals on being preggers again! Also very sad not to get a baby shower. Waters went at 30 weeks and baby arrived at 34+1 after hospital bedrest. A friend tried to plan a 'due date shower' but none of my other friends could make it :/ After the x3 ivf's and miscarriage it was gutting not to get to enjoy the normal, fun side of pregnancy.

So, we're going big for first birthday instead :-)

Rant over!

Dildals · 07/07/2015 14:27

Thank you beetlebug!

I do admire your friend's attempt at a 'due date shower'!

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