To get signed off for this? **Content warning: TFMR**

You're entitled to all the time off you need. There's a physical and emotional side to deal with here. Everyone grieves differently, so don't let anyone make you feel bad about doing what you need to do.

OP I really feel for you. I had amnio 3 times, first 2 couldn't get a clear sample and then had an irritable uterus. We'd decided before I was pregnant to not continue 'if'.
If you self cert could you say a threatened miscarriage? Not untrue.
Take care and I hope you don't have to go the medical route.

I had a TFMR 5 years ago and did not feel able to take a single day off work, to process it and grieve. I still feel resentful of that. So take the time you need.

On my 6th IUI/IVF I finally got pregnant, but at 12 weeks, the NIPT test showed a chromosomal issue incompatible with life. NIPT is only a screening test, not diagnostic, so I had to wait for a CVS and then wait for the results. In parallel I also made arrangements for the termination (complicated since I'm in Ireland and it was illegal then). At 15 weeks, I went to the UK on the Fri night, TFMR on Saturday, home on Sunday and back to work on Monday, traumatised.
I felt I couldn't take any time off, since I needed to keep my leave for the next rounds of IVF (work didn't know I was doing IVF).
3 years and 4 IVFs later I finally had my twins. My story has a happy ending, but I'll never forget how awful it was trying to work as normal as my baby was dying inside me. And I feel guilty that the foetus was just left behind in the UK.

That's great OP. That gives you some breathing space and you don't have to think about work at all. I hope that provides a little bit of relief for you today. Xx

That's good your GP has given you what you need.

What would help you most today? Daft film? Wee walk outside? Crawl into bed with a book? Chocolate? Make a little plan for your day (including 'rage cry at 1030am if that's what you need) and rest up.

I second this.

Sending love to you op..ignore the one horribly insensitive poster.

Take as long as you need op, and you are absolutely right to tell people you've lost the baby, you will be grieving and you need to recover physically and mentally.

I'm a teacher too and have been off since we returned to work after Christmas following a sudden and unexpected bereavement. My colleagues have been nothing but supportive and it's made me value my school so much more.

Sending .

Be kind to yourself op.

Me too. I don't feel that what I went through was an abortion.

I'm pleased your GP was good, OP. Wishing you all the best. Also if you ever want to chat to someone who has been in the same situation, my inbox is always open.

Absolutely agree op! I think mumsnet have been incredibly insensitive here and I'm quite appalled!

@Iusedtobedontcall How far along are you?

It's such a tough situation to be in. I was where you are now exactly 1 year ago. We had a high NT and 1:7 chance for T21, then a high result NIPT by then I was too far along for a CVS so had to have an Amnio. Amnio confirmed T21 and other serious issues including heart problems. Baby was given a very low chance of surviving past 24weeks and if she did she would probably be in pain. Even with all this information we found it so hard to make a decision. However I saw it as I would take the pain of loosing my baby so she would never ever have to experience any pain or suffering. I still feel guilt and miss my baby every day. I gave birth at 18weeks through TFMR.

@Iusedtobedontcall You will be feeling up and down for a long time to come unfortunately. Even though I know we made the best decision for our little girl I still feel guilty and wish it could have been different every single day.

Are you having a CVS? Just be aware some hospitals don't give you a choice between medical and surgical. I had to have medical but not sure if it was due to how far along I was.

Also my husband is a teacher. He had about 3weeks off after the TFMR and then had a phased return when he went back for a week.

I am currently 10wks and am having a NIPT through the NHS tomorrow. The stress of it happening again is huge.

YANBU OP. It would have been a heartbreaking decision to make and not one you would have had to make lightly. You are thinking of your existing children and that is not selfish one bit. I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this after Miscarrying last year too.

You are so much stronger than you believe. Take time for yourself and spend with family 💛

One of my closest friends went through two TFMR due to what turned out to be a genetic condition. I know it was so so hard, but also she knew it was the right decision. We still remember her two boys each year.

Sending you love and strength.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s a truly awful time. I made the same heartbreaking decision to TFMR for T21 in September last year. Me and DH were both 41 and we have 3 children already - two with SEN and sadly we couldn’t take the risk if it had been severe.

You were not greedy in any way, just very unlucky. I had similar thoughts that I should have been happy with what I had but there is no way of knowing it could happen to you.

I’m glad you are signed off for a month, I also took a month off post TFMR but I have an office based job. You made need longer and you should take what time you need. I felt like I needed some routine back and to get back to some kind of normal but definitely needed those few weeks.

I hope you aren’t waiting around too long for the next stage. Unfortunately due to delays in having an amnio and awaiting results I was over 17 weeks when I had medical management at hospital.

Be kind to yourself, thinking of you xx