To get signed off for this? **Content warning: TFMR**

That’s not surprising given what you’re going through. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to grieve and begin to mend x

Sorry you are going through this. I had a termination in 2014 as my baby had a condition incompatible with life

I went back over a week later and I wasn't emotionally ready. I often had a cry in the toilet but I can imagine it's really difficult to.do that in a school.

Physically i felt OK but about 5 weeks later I had a huge bleed in my work canteen. It was hugely embarrassing and a ambulance was called. It stopped as soon as it started but it was a shock. My consultant at the FMU said that a drop in hormones from.the pregnancy caused it. It might not happen this way to you but just be aware that it's a slim possibility.

You need to take as long as you need to recover. It's a difficult and upsetting decision but you are making the right one for yourself and your family

Take the time you need….. in 2020 I had surgical management for a missed miscarriage and doctor signed me off for 2 weeks before discharging me hopefully if you need your doctor will be able to extend this
physically I was fine but emotionally I struggled as quite a full on job so definitely go with how you feel at the time
sorry your going through this xx

As an ex secondary school teacher who was in the same boat, I personally wouldn't have felt comfortable taking a month off, nor having colleagues console me on what they think is a miscarriage. Neither would sit comfortably with me.
I'm so sorry for your predicament, OP, and I don't blame you for making the decision you did re the termination of your pregnancy

YANBU big love to you and you're doing what's best for your family 💖

How very sad, you take all the time you need.

I have had two TFMRs for "grey diagnosis".

If you are under 16w then you will, I think, be on gynae. They can be less helpful, from my experience, than being on the maternity side of things.

There should be memory box options available to you (4Louis or others). Hopefully your maternity ward will have a bereavement MW who will be able to guide you and talk you through.

You can deliver or you can have a surgical option. You are entitled to have a funeral, single or as part of the group baby loss service. I know it will feel like I'm bombarding you with information but it can be helpful to know that there are options open to you.

ARC antenatal (they have a forum), SANDS (a lot of places are still having online sessions, you will be welcomed), TfMRdoula, TFfMRmamas, and ZoeClarkCoates are good resources. Tommy's and SANDS Facebook chat pages are also very good for support.

It is a particular kind of horror and I'm so, so sorry that you're at the beginning of your journey with the loss of your precious baby. Take all the time you need. Before I was ready to share I would simply say "baby is poorly, we are going to lose them".

Please do take time off work. You need to protect your heart and be gentle to yourself. Sending love and strength xx

You take off as long as you need, only you will know when you're able to return to work.

I think what I always try to remember and remind people of, when dealing with people who need time off, is that (recognising schools are in a very difficult position re funding):

It is ultimately an organisational (or perhaps governmental for schools) choice to not have adequate staffing that cover etc can be provided. That is a choice they can continue to make, and it's not then an individual's responsibility job to damage their own health to compensate for this by trying to work when they are unwell and unfit for work.

Wise words. Wishing you and your family the very best OP

Don’t go back to work earlier than you feel ready to out of a sense of obligation to work. You are more important than your job and they will manage without you.

Not a teacher so this might not be feasible at all, but perhaps you might be able to have a phased return to work where you start off by not teaching eg marking homework, setting work, marking mock exam papers? Build up to being in front of a class again rather than going straight back to it?

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
Get in touch with your GP today. Your GP will put anything you want (within reason) on the sick note. So it could say gynae procedure, pregnancy loss etc
You can just tell colleagues you've lost the baby/not compatible with survival or some such thing

I was in your shoes years ago and I think I was off for at least six weeks. I told my employer why and they were supportive which I am grateful for. I would say take all the time you need. It's not easy getting over something like this but it will get easier. Sorry for your loss. 💐

You're going to have to take it a day, a week at a time. No one knows how they will take something like this. Just be open with your GP and they will help advise on length of fit note.

If you have told those colleagues that's because you trust them and know that they aren't going to judge. Just speak to them in confidence and ask them not to broadcast. They will respect your wishes.

No need to use the word miscarriage but saying you are losing the baby is fine. People can make their own assumptions- they won't pry anyway. I had a colleague lose a baby and she didn't talk about it or take time off and I was so worried about her- I simply told her I was there to talk if she needed it and left it at that.

I work in a catholic school and not all of the staff are even catholic themselves and only a few of them are strongly so. People are not going to be judging anyway, especially so if they don't know the details. Please don't worry about school. Your year 11s will be better off if you get signed off for a month as school can arrange cover. This would be better than you forcing yourself to go in and just not being to cope.

I just accepted a new job and my contract gives time off for pregnancy loss. Yours will probably be the same. And remember -If the baby had been due around now you would have had to go off on maternity leave right now anyway. Your year 11s will be fine.

You aren’t being unreasonable at all OP.

I grew up with a disabled sister and it’s not all Instagram cute photos that some people make it out. My sister is in her 40s now and suffers all day every day.

when I had my daughter a few years ago I said if there even the slightest chance my baby had Down Syndrome that I would terminate because it wouldn’t be fair to me or the baby.

Take all the time you need and wishing you well for the future.

I should say- I have also suffered miscarriage and know perfectly well that what you are going through is far more difficult because of the feelings of guilt. I spotted that post you refer to above and that poster is the reason you don't want to broadcast the real cause. Here with a handhold

Yanbu.💐

OP, do not feel guilty at all.

You are doing the right thing for you, taking time off for you, not for anyone else. You are looking out for yourself which is the right thing to do.