To get signed off for this? **Content warning: TFMR**

I imagine guilt is a natural feeling to be experiencing. Please be kind to yourself though. You can only make the best decision at one particular point in time.

I'm sorry that you're going through this op. In similar circumstances I took 6 weeks off. I was physically fine , but I needed time to recover emotionally as I worked with children at the time too and knew that being around them (and pregnant colleagues) would take strength.

Just reported to MN:

I am reporting that the advert for "Living with Downs Syndrome" that appears on every page of this thread is inappropriate and upsetting.
The thread is about termination of pregnancy due to fetus having Downs Syndrome. I am not reporting the post or thread, just the adverts.

Yes definitely.

Ignore her. I'm a teacher too and have also lost a baby. Take a month off. Take 2 months off. Take the rest of the academic year if you need to.

I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I can understand why this could feel worse than a miscarriage, having to make a decision that noone want to make. I've found the miscarriage board here really helpful, I'm sure you would be more than welcome. We're all in the same boat, we've all lost babies we desperately wanted to keep. Sending love ❤️

Firstly I want to say so sorry you are going through this, it must be heartbreaking 💐 Please take care of yourself as this must be one of the most traumatic experiences you've been through.

Secondly, remember a TFMR is going to take a lot of physical and emotional healing, it is a certainty you will need time off. Please take as many weeks as you need. In a full on job like teaching, I imagine you'd need at least four weeks off.

Please do not return whilst still pregnant and waiting for surgery- think very few people would and unecessarily traumatic .

I would also speak to your GP today to get clarification regarding what will be put on your fit note; most GP's would record this as either "pregnancy loss" or "gynelogical issue/procedure."

As for colleagues who know you are pregnant, all they need to know is you lost the pregnancy and are taking time off for recovery. That is true.

You certainly should not be guilted into sharing your personal medical information at times like this. If it was the other way round and a colleague had to have a TFMR , would you be in any way annoyed they just told you they lost the baby and didn't go into full details ? Of course not. So treat yourself with the sama compassion and understanding .

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have lost babies and although this is a safe space there will alway be emotionally dysfunctional people who come along and post stuff that is upsetting.
I am truly sorry that you are in this situation.
It is a loss, nor more no less. Do not feel guilty and you must take as much time as you need to grieve for your child. DO not be pressed otherwise.

Also it is totally reasonable to not discuss it with the school. It is not their business.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's extremely difficult but it's obviously the right decision.
I don't think it's easy to guess how long you will need to take off. For some people it's better to stay home but for many it can be better to go back to work. It's hard to predict which one you will be.
I had a miscarriage which I know is very very different from what you are going though but I went back to work are soon as I could. I liked to be be busy and I found my colleagues very supportive in a reassuringly relaxing way. I liked the normality of returning to work. I also wouldn't have liked just sitting around at home. For me that would have been more difficult. Sitting around at home would have made me feel worse.
Obviously what you are going through is very different but I still wouldn't rule out going back to work fairly quickly.

You need to wait and see how you feel. You can't predict how you are going to feel so it's pointless trying to.
You are going through a extremely difficult and heartbreaking time so you need to try and do whatever is best for you.

💐

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I think it’s hard to tell how long you’ll need off. You may be ready and need the distraction after a couple of weeks, you may need two months if you’re still struggling. As you’ve told some colleagues what’s happening then you may end up telling management more than you might like, but try not to worry about it in advance.

This happened to me fifteen years ago, my baby had all sorts of developmental problems which were incompatible with life.

I think I had a few weeks off but when I got back my concentration was shot and was pretty much on a short fuse, it’s the one and only time I sacked a client rather than managing them. So being a teacher I’d try to get as long off as possible.

It’s a really big thing, really don’t feel like you should be back, it’s devastating. You feel like the future you thought you had is snatched away.

I got pregnant literally a month later and didn’t tell anyone, as I felt pregnancies were so unlikely to work out. It did though, and now have a strapping fourteen year old. That did make a huge difference to my grief as did getting a puppy just after the termination, who had so much love poured into her I’m sure that’s why she’s still alive now at 15.

Really do feel for you and if you need someone who’s been through the same please DM me. Although you’ll find it’s far more common than you think, there will probably be people you know.

Probably shouldn’t say this or MN will be angry with me, but download a pop up blocker and you won’t see any. I use Adblocker.

Please ignore that one upsetting post above. I am just over 6 weeks post TFMR for a different diagnosis, and that post would have upset me too. You will be dealing with enough guilt and emotions yourself without someone else making you feel guilty. (Not saying you should feel guilty as I firmly believe we make these extremely hard decisions for the good of our families, but as I've been there I know the guilt is inevitable)

Speak to your consultants/screening midwives on surgical vs. Medical if you havent already. Depending how many weeks you are, your local hospital may not be able to provide the surgical procedure - meaning you will need to go through the likes of BPAS. But there tends to be a waiting list of a few weeks - just to manage your expectations. I know a lot of ladies might have initially wanted surgical, but opt for medical due to being able to have a medical within a few days - myself included.

Look after yourself in the coming weeks. I'm MUCH stronger now, but I'm still recovering both physically and emotionally. The emotional side is much more of a rollercoaster - the grief hits when I least expect it sometimes.

Please lean on people, and use forums like arc, babycentre, MN etc. It can feel very isolating, but finding communities of ladies who have been through the same thing is hands down the best support I've found. My husband and family are great, but none of them really know exactly how you will be feeling.

Sending love and strength ❤️

Are you in the state or independent sector?

Knowing that you are off for a set period will be easier for both you and the school to cope with

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, op. All anyone needs to know is that you lost your baby. Take as long as you need. Sending love. ❤️💐

Oh, and that advert can fuck right off! 🤬

I agree with this. I was signed off for four weeks after the sudden and completely unexpected death of my mum and one of the things my manager said to me was it was easier for them to have the fit note in place and know I was not expected back immediately.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Take all the time you need to recover, physically and emotionally. I'm sending you my love and support.

That's really good news OP , hope that's one less thing to worry about. x

Sending a virtual hug 💐

That's really good to hear @Iusedtobedontcall . I hope she has agreed sensitive wording on the note do you have no issues with your employer?

Also , I noticed in your post you have other children . If they are under school age, is there anyone who could take them today to give you some time to rest/ process things ?