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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

To get signed off for this? **Content warning: TFMR**

204 replies

Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:05

I found out today that our much wanted baby has Down’s syndrome. I am going to have a termination after considering the impact on our existing children and our ages- 42 and 40. I’m heartbroken and I think I’m going to need quite a while off work to recover emotionally and from the procedure. AIBU? Title edited by MNHQ

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Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 15/02/2023 13:37

Just waiting in the hospital for my appointment today. I’ve booked some relaxing beauty treatments over the next week to try and make myself feel a little better, assuming I’m up to it. Four weeks will probably be enough time off for me as I’m having the surgery done so quickly. Then I can focus on recovery.
I have been doing the geography quizzes on sporcle and I’m going to buy some good books.

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countrypunk · 15/02/2023 13:49

It sounds like you're focusing on doing things that make you feel rested and relaxed. That's great. Glad you're on sporcle - watch out, it's addictive!

Hope your appointment goes well.

Sparklesandsunshine1 · 15/02/2023 15:20

Hope your appointment goes as well as it can today

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 15/02/2023 16:16

Thank you. I’m booked in for the surgery on Friday under a general anaesthetic.

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AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 15/02/2023 17:31

OP, another thing that you might find is that you actually feel ok once you have had the surgery. It is very sensible to have secured time off work and to prepare for how you might be feeling but don't be surprised if you feel 'better' than you might be expecting. You know you are doing the right thing soot 'might' be that you feel more relief that you expect.
The main thing is to try and not feel guilty however is you end up feeling. I think it's best not to second-guess how you might feel after the surgery.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 15/02/2023 17:42

Thank you - hopefully that will be the case. It’s half term next week anyway and then I have another two weeks off to completely emotionally recuperate. I do feel more positive now I’ve been booked in.

I'm addicted to sporcle and can now name all of the countries in Africa, so that’s been a good diversion.

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countrypunk · 15/02/2023 17:45

😆 I'm so glad I've passed on the sporcle addiction to someone else! I love the US states one. I've played it about 100 times and still never got 100%. It's maddening.

Really glad you're feeling more positive OP. You have a plan and I'm sure that helps. Sending lots of love.

Robostripes · 15/02/2023 19:55

Best of luck for Friday OP. I also had surgical under general and physically it was a very quick recovery. I was on my way home about 90 minutes after coming round I think.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 16/02/2023 10:06

It sounds like it’s physically quite straightforward and less traumatic than medical - which is why I’ve not had the CVS done. I didn’t want to wait.

Part of me still wants to TTC again but the other part, the sensible part, knows that my body and mind have been through hell. I’ve put weight on, I feel awful and the anxiety has been huge. Do I really want to put myself through that again when I already have three lovely teens and two step dc? I know the answer is no. I can’t replace what I’ve lost and it’s time to move on and get better.

A silly part of me feels sad that DH and I didn’t meet earlier. My first DH was unsupportive and it wasn’t a good relationship so I didn’t enjoy the early years with my dc. I was a single parent by the time ds was 3. DH now is amazing and he says that we are already a proper family and he wouldn’t love me any more or less whether we had children together or not. It’s sad that I never got the experience of raising a child with someone loving and supportive. But then I should be thankful for what I do have and in a way, we are raising a family together.

Like I said, it’s irrational.

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Iusedtobedontcall · 16/02/2023 10:11

Ps @countrypunk I still haven’t managed to name all the countries in Africa on Sporcle! I forget a different one each time. I will do it though 😂

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countrypunk · 16/02/2023 10:34

I think everything you say is completely understandable. Of course you wanted to raise a child with your loving and supportive husband, especially after not having that experience first time round. You need to let yourself grieve that.

It sounds like you have some wonderful things in your life, which will help you get through this.

I'm well impressed with your sporcle prowess! I've played the African countries one and it's fiendish. I don't think I ever even got half of them!

huji · 16/02/2023 15:35

Hi Dontcall I've been thinking about you so much these last couple of days

I have had anxiety off the scale of late for a multitude of reasons and I have really struggled to turn my mind off. I have found watching things on Netflix has allowed me to concentrate on something (anything!) else. Random things I wouldn't have expected to enjoy have become really addictive- I watched both series of the Bear Grylls survival, love is blind, both of which were completely mindless but for some reason I was just hooked on them, then I ended up watching the six part series of ancient apocalypse which was fascinating. Glad you'r enjoying Sporcle, just thought I'd share what has worked for me

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 16/02/2023 18:25

Thank you - I’ll try love is blind. Think I’m going to watch Last Tango in Halifax too. Having some pizza tonight in front of the TV.
Hoping tomorrow will feel ok.

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Robostripes · 17/02/2023 07:58

Thinking of you today @Iusedtobedontcall. I hope it goes alright. The waiting is the worst part in a way and if you’re like me you may feel a sense of relief when it’s over and done with Flowers

huji · 17/02/2023 08:34

Thinking of you today

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 17/02/2023 09:06

Thank you. I have to wait in the ward on my own so I’ve brought Spare so that Harry can entertain me. I’m hungry already but I do need to sort my weight out so fasting today will do me good.

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countrypunk · 17/02/2023 10:06

Thinking of you today @Iusedtobedontcall
Spare sounds like an excellent choice of reading material.

Let us know how you are later if you're up to it.

Xx

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 17/02/2023 18:06

I’m in recovery and have just had some tea and toast. I feel ok. The misoprostol made me quite sick earlier and I was waiting all day with nil by mouth - but once I was done, I felt much better. Everyone has been so kind.

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countrypunk · 17/02/2023 18:41

So glad to hear it, and that everyone has been kind. It makes such a difference at times like this.

AWaferThinMint · 17/02/2023 18:52

I'm glad you're ok. Keep taking care of yourself

AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 17/02/2023 19:01

Glad everything went ok. It good that everyone has been kind. It makes such a difference.

Augend23 · 17/02/2023 21:17

My thoughts are with you OP. I hope you can get some sleep tonight, and I'm glad to hear you are feeling better than before the OP. It makes such a difference when people are good and kind.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 17/02/2023 21:22

I got to wear some lovely surgical stockings and a fetching hat going into theatre.

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Iusedtobedontcall · 17/02/2023 21:22

Meant to add my pic!

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Iusedtobedontcall · 17/02/2023 21:23

My mum bought me the slippers. I a
just resting up now. Feel ok but expect it to hit me at some point.

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