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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

To get signed off for this? **Content warning: TFMR**

204 replies

Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:05

I found out today that our much wanted baby has Down’s syndrome. I am going to have a termination after considering the impact on our existing children and our ages- 42 and 40. I’m heartbroken and I think I’m going to need quite a while off work to recover emotionally and from the procedure. AIBU? Title edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
Hesma · 13/02/2023 22:07

YANBU, you will need time to grieve. So sorry for your loss.

nalabae · 13/02/2023 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nsky62 · 13/02/2023 22:08

No one can give you a level of Down’s syndrome

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:08

Thank you. I’m devastated but really feel I have to make this decision. I’m a teacher and can’t see myself in front of a class at the moment.

OP posts:
shangelawasrobbed · 13/02/2023 22:09

YANBU, that's a heartbreaking decision for you to have to make and it's perfectly reasonable for you to need some time to recover.

Daisy4569 · 13/02/2023 22:09

Not even slightly unreasonable. How heartbreaking. Sorry op 💐I was off for three weeks after a miscarriage, work were very understanding. Take care of yourself.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:09

I know that there’s no way to know the severity. It’s a gamble and not one I can take - for them or my existing children.

OP posts:
ThisGirlNever · 13/02/2023 22:10

You'll be recovering from a traumatic medical procedure, so I don't think time off is at all unreasonable.

I guess the only issue is whether your workplace has any pro life nutters that think you should be forced to have a disabled child.

Do your colleagues know you're pregnant? Are you being open regarding the abortion?

BankOfDave · 13/02/2023 22:11

💐

OP can I suggest you get MNHQ to add a trigger to the title or change it. There is a lot of sick note posts on AIBU for spurious things and people may click not expecting this.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:11

My school is Catholic which is a worry. I wasn’t planning on being completely open about the termination- but saying it was for health reasons.

OP posts:
Daisy4569 · 13/02/2023 22:11

Also a teacher btw, i know it’s hard in our jobs to take time off but it’s also not a job where you can take a moment when you need to. Give yourself time.

LolaSmiles · 13/02/2023 22:12

Not unreasonable at all. You have to look after yourself.

Unfortunately teaching is one of those careers where it's easy for staff to feel like they have more of an obligation to the job than themselves, but it is just a job and your health and wellbeing come first

Emmamoo89 · 13/02/2023 22:12

YANBU X

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:13

I’ve reported - sorry if I’ve caused distress to anyone.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 13/02/2023 22:13

So not unreasonable- in your shoes I’d all the time I needed, probably more than you realise just now.

rootsandwings89 · 13/02/2023 22:14

YANBU, sorry to hear what your going through 💐 I hope you take care of yourself

BankOfDave · 13/02/2023 22:14

You haven’t to me, sorry for flagging I am just thinking others.

💐

skyofdiamonds · 13/02/2023 22:14

Absolutely not unreasonable. Take all the time you need.
Your workplace will understand and you wouldn’t be doing anyone a service coming in whilst raw from this.
Not to mention the physical part of things which may end up with retained products/infection and possible surgery if that does happen.
I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible and your hospital provide good support.
I would recommend speaking to ARC who are really supportive.

skyofdiamonds · 13/02/2023 22:16

With regards to your workplace, they don’t need to know how/why the pregnancy ended.

Augend23 · 13/02/2023 22:17

I think it would be very sensible to take some time off - I wouldn't be able to hold myself together after something like that, and that's one thing if you're in an office but quite another I'm front of a whole class.

What a total nightmare OP, you must be devastated.

PinkFrogss · 13/02/2023 22:19

You are absolutely not being unreasonable OP, and the doctors will understand Flowers

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 13/02/2023 22:19

I am devastated. I left today and a few colleagues knew why but I will just say I lost the baby, which is true really.

OP posts:
FlappyValley · 13/02/2023 22:20

YANBU at all. I’d hope your colleagues would be supportive but don’t feel you have to tell them any more than you feel comfortable sharing. Health and healing comes before work 💐

BirdyPig · 13/02/2023 22:21

YANBU op. Flowers

BadlydoneHelen · 13/02/2023 22:22

It's nobody's business but yours what has happened unless you choose to share the information with them. I'm so sorry for what you're going through