AIBU to call my baby "they"?

[freakinthespreadsheets]

I am expecting my first baby and we don't know the sex. When talking about baby to family and friends, I might say things like "when they're here" or "I got the cutest little outfit for them".
They always respond shocked, either thinking I'm having multiples or that I'm trying to be "woke". These are people who've seen the scan picture, and know full well I'm not having twins!
I always thought "they" was an acceptable, gender neutral singular pronoun when it's unknown. E.g., "see what the doctor says when they see you".

Can you tell me if this would be normal in your circles or am I the weird one? I don't like constantly going "he or she", and calling my baby "it" feels impersonal. I know i can avoid using pronouns by structuring sentences differently but that feels exhausting to do 24/7 for casual conversation!

'They' sounds impersonal. That may be why people are looking shocked.

I had this when I was pregnant. My step mum couldn’t grasp it and was like ‘are you having 2?’ Every time. It was exhausting.

You are normal don’t worry! (Fun fact when we did accidentally find out the sex we still didn’t tell people because of this issue. It really annoyed us that they had a problem with ‘they’ so we kept it up the whole time 😅)

I much prefer they/them to it. Which is what I was calling mine before we found out what we were having 😂

Perfectly normal to use 'they' in this context surely? 'It' is much more impersonal!

YANBU - 'they' is a perfectly normal way to refer to either a specific individual person whose sex you don't yet know, or to a generic person/role where it could equally refer to somebody of either sex.

I detest it when people refer to a yet-to-be-born baby as 'it', as if they were an inanimate object. I don't like it when people do it to animals or even teddy bears either!

I think that’s a very normal thing to do, for the reason you say - saying “he or she” all the time is tedious, and “it” sounds worse.

Obviously you have to say “the baby” first to make it clear who the “they” or “them” is referencing, but a sentence like “this will be the baby’s room, here are the clothes I’ve got them” is totally normal.

They them is fine and normal for an unborn baby. You could say It (which would be awful) or Baby, (which sounds a bit wet). Take no notice.

From the title I assumed the baby had arrived and thought YABU.

From the post, YANBU - but I'd personally say "the baby", or "baby" depending on how in fit in the conversation.

We actually had nicknames before our babies were born, we didn't know the sex, so this worked perfectly.

This is perfectly fine and loads of people do this.

I think it sounds as though you’re referring to multiple babies and would probably just use baby.

Urgh, if they (ha) don’t like it just tell them they are very welcome to keep their nose out of your business

Wouldn't you also say the baby or our baby?

I've bought a cute outfit for the baby.

When our baby comes...

I used “it” and that shocked people too.

you can’t win!

if the stupid woke brigade hadn’t claimed they/them it wouldn’t be an issue

What alternative would they suggest, though? Not everybody wants to find out the sex of their baby in advance. Nobody is realistically going to keep saying "the baby" multiple times in a sentence.

Surely it's better than just doing the old-fashioned thing of using 'he' as a default for everybody?

Really? That's interesting! Would you feel "he or she" or "it" are more personal?

As long as you call them she or he once they’re born! It’s using ‘they/them’ for people that are clearly male or female that bothers me!

Yes, we'd be in a general conversation about the baby (which they know is singular) so I feel it would be weird to keep saying the baby this the baby that.

They/them when the sex is unknown is fine. It’s when we do know someone’s sex yet they insist on telling us to use they/them pronouns that it’s ridiculous.

When I was pregnant I used to say ‘the baby’ and ‘he or she’ rather than they or it though.

I can't recall struggling with this when I was pregnant and I didn't know the sex of the baby. Unless you give the baby a joke name, I'm not sure there are alternatives to 'he or she' or 'the baby'.

I would always refer to baby as just that, baby. I bought baby a new stroller, I bought the baby some clothes etc.

All the time though?

”We’ve painted the baby’s nursery already even though the baby will probably be in our room until the baby is 6 months” vs “we’ve painted the baby’s nursery already even though they’ll probably be in our room until they’re 6 months”

But what about when you need to refer to the baby multiple times in a sentence?

The whole purpose of actually having pronouns in the first place is so you don't have to say "I spoke to Philippa yesterday, as Philippa has kindly offered to give me a lift to the airport - so I told Philippa that I would call Philippa when I'm all ready to go, so that Philippa won't be left wasting Philippa's time, waiting around for me."

It’s up to youn,but I think referring to the baby as they is a bit odd . Why don’t you just give the baby a nickname or just refer to him/ her as The baby?

X-posted with MellowSubmarine!