AIBU to call my baby "they"?

[freakinthespreadsheets]

I am expecting my first baby and we don't know the sex. When talking about baby to family and friends, I might say things like "when they're here" or "I got the cutest little outfit for them".
They always respond shocked, either thinking I'm having multiples or that I'm trying to be "woke". These are people who've seen the scan picture, and know full well I'm not having twins!
I always thought "they" was an acceptable, gender neutral singular pronoun when it's unknown. E.g., "see what the doctor says when they see you".

Can you tell me if this would be normal in your circles or am I the weird one? I don't like constantly going "he or she", and calling my baby "it" feels impersonal. I know i can avoid using pronouns by structuring sentences differently but that feels exhausting to do 24/7 for casual conversation!

No, but in this context maybe the term ‘baby’ would work. If you said ‘they’ I’d ask if you were having multiples.

Noting some people also use twee terms such as ‘jellybean’ but you know what they mean.

We actually do have a nickname, or we'll say baby, but it's when I need to refer to them again in the same or next sentence it feels very odd to keep repeating as other posters have said.
"I can't wait to meet little bean, I wonder whether they'll look like me or their dad"
"They? Are you having twins"
Sigh

its no one’s business but yours. We knew the sex but I felt uncomfortable using ‘her’ due to having lost a baby before. I used to say ‘the baby’ or ‘it’!

Im sorry for your loss @peonies12 ❤️

All this ‘they is woke/confusing’ madness when singular they has been used for centuries (and people use it in this exact context every single day without realising they are doing it.) Totally normal.

I hate it when people just say baby, like ‘when baby is here’ ‘I have got the room ready for baby’ and miss out the ‘the’.

They're either a bit thick or extremely tiresome and using your unborn baby to make some anti-trans point. Maybe both. Hopefully not close friends and family?

I’d just say ‘baby’. I notice that’s how midwives refer to them.

Of course it’s normal - what else would you possibly call it?

I knew the sex of mine but I still said they/them quite often.

Your family seem like idiots.

I think that’s so they can’t get the sex wrong and offend/upset anyone.

They deal with multiple babies a day and are likely to forget what sex each person is having so just say baby for everyone.

The use of ‘they’ in the singular when you don’t know the name/sex is both normal and perfectly acceptable. It’s ridiculous to use ‘the baby’ multiple times in a sentence, and using ‘baby’ without the definite article is both grammatically nonsense and, to me, comes across as twee and common at the same time. It just reminds me of those terrible Facebook posts trying to dispose of junk. Baby needs gone 😂😂

Just refer to the baby as it

Whats wrong with it. Always used to be acceptable. Even after birth folk had to get used to saying he/she. But that was the good old days.

I just said “baby.”

This.
wth they are the weird ones.

would they rather you refer to it as IT???

YANBU in the fact that you don’t know the gender. I just used to say baby.

Better than “the parasite” which I’ve heard a few times.

I has my babies 20 years ago and wasn’t told their sex at scans (it was much less common then, and I didn’t want to know anyway) so it was really normal for pregnant women to talk about their baby as ‘they’- I can’t remember anyone batting an eyelid. I also used ‘it’ and no one minded that either.

Nowadays almost everyone seems to find out the sex in advance, and of course we’ve had the they/them pronoun stuff in recent years so that’s obviously why people are reacting to it.

I thought you were goign to say baby had been born and therefore unreasonable . But that's fine. I always referrred to mine as he but only cos I was convinced he was indeed a he. (I was right) .

Mine was It until he was at least 6 months old. Your friends are weird

Welcome to an interesting journey that will last a lifetime. As long as both parents are on the same page, don’t soak up other peoples opinions. Between now & the birth, find your sense of self worth. That in itself can be a challenge but you’ve got this x

I had this when pregnant both times and it was fucking infuriating. It is grammatically correct to use 'they' where you do not know the gender of a person, or when referring to a singular person. Referring to a baby as 'it' is just insulting and gramatically incorrect, as they are not an object.

I took great joy in correcting a Karen about this, who is known by her peers for correcting people's grammar online.

I used they and still do even though we know know it's a girl. The only down side is when I said they to my mum for the first time she assumed twins!