Responses to third pregnancy…

[Notunplanned]

I’m 10 weeks into my third pregnancy and have two children aged 3 and 1.

My husband and I have hoped to have three children since our eldest was born. We both have decent and stable jobs (he is full-time and I’m part-time), own a four-bed house and do not rely on family for childcare. We absolutely love being parents and I like to think we are good parents.

I know that my family will not react positively to this news - they are great in many ways but can be judgmental of people who make different life choices to them, and they have repeatedly said things like “you won’t see much of us if you have another”. So I’m anticipating that.

My husband’s family are more open-minded and I thought they would be less negative. I’ve told my mother- and sister-in-law this morning and they couldn’t have been less impressed.

I wasn’t expecting anyone to be excited about baby three, but I really don’t want to tell anyone else if everyone is going to be openly negative.

Not sure why I’m posting. Maybe I’ll just keep the whole thing a secret and let them know if the baby arrives safely.

@Patty101 aww congratulations, we’re in a very similar boat then as I’m 11 weeks with 2 boys 💙

we have our 12 week scan next week. We will definitely wait until after that. How old are your boys?

When we told people about our 3rd my mum said "really? Again?" My husbands gran said "no 3 is too many, you don't want that"

Granted number 3 was a surprise after trying for nearly 6 years for dc2 we didn't expect to be having another in less than two years. But we were all very happy and excited so I couldn't really understand why family didn't just say "how lovely" when we excitedly told them, they could see we were happy.

So yes I understand and remember how it felt. We've sort of turned it into a joke now and I guess it just showed me that really... I don't care what they think.

(Dc1 was a surprise baby at a youngish age, so I guess lacklustre acceptance for dc3 was better than the lectures and screaming demands for an abortion that we had previously dealt with)

Also my friend is currently expecting a 3rd and I'm very excited, I don't see how each baby isn't worth the same excitement, joy and love as the last.

@8weekscrossed yes, family have been told and were obviously thrilled after two boys but I did feel this sort of pressure before I found out that if it's a boy people wouldn't have the same reaction. Before the sonographer started the scan she asked if we knew the sex of the baby and I told her that we had a NIPT and she said 'oh that's pretty much guaranteed then'!

@8weekscrossed oh how exciting! My boys are 6 and 3. I think they'll be pleased, although when I've been slipping in random 'do you like babies?' or 'do you think mummy should have another baby?' over the last few weeks, it's been a very firm no every single time. Oh dear!

When do you plan to tell your 2?

Also waiting for all the 'are you hoping for a girl' comments when we tell the rest of our friends and family 🙄

We got comments of "why? You've already got a boy and a girl" like we already had all the poker on so why carry on playing the game.

I think a lot of people take different decisions as an attack on theirs. They wanted a boy and a girl so us wanting more children (regardless of existing children's sex) was us sending a message that we knew better. Very much not the case but kind of the vibe I was getting.

@Notunplanned tbh before I was even pregnant by Nan said in passing comment one day 'I don't understand why people bother having more than two, what do you get out of three or more that you don't out of one or two'.
But when I told her she was really happy for us and it's so excited to have her first great granddaughter. I think people just say things without even thinking.

💯 agree!!

Some people are just plain stupid so I suppose we can't expect sensible or non-offensive comments to come out of their mouths.

It’s lovely to have others in the same boat though, so exiting to become a family of 5!

Expecting baby number 3 here, and currently 8 weeks pregnant. I'm very grateful to have found this thread, as we are waiting until after the first scan to let family know, and whilst I know DM will be very happy, I'm not so sure about my Dad.

We've told two friends already and both were delighted for us, which made us feel much better!

@ElsaLion congratulations on your pregnancy 💜 how are you feeling?

what age are your 2 children? Xx

@8weekscrossed Thank you, and all the best for your scan next week! 😊

My son is almost 3.5 and my daughter is 18 months old, so it's going to be great fun having 3 under 4! I'm an only child too, so really excited to see them to grow up together!

Congratulations @ElsaLion! Mine are very similar ages to yours, so will also be three under four for a while!

It’s so nice to hear from so many others in the same boat. ❤️

@Notunplanned I am already prepping myself for what will be a wonderful but chaotic decade 😂

😂😂😂

The birth rate in the UK is in serious decline and we're not having enough babies to maintain the number of older people over the next few years. Many couples can't afford the childcare costs and housing is so expensive. Plus a fair proportion of men are poor husbands and fathers.

So interesting reading this thread as I’m 5 weeks pregnant with number 3 and freaking out - I think mostly because of what people might say. we’ve always wanted 3 but would have chosen a bigger gap (my youngest is only 9 months). But getting pregnant a second time was a struggle so didn’t think we needed to be careful.
just getting my head around the shock but it feels daunting

@Notunplanned Wow your in laws sound delightful! What is wrong with people?! Congratulations on your 3rd, we want 3! I’m 7 weeks pregnant with our second and will definitely be going for a 3rd and who knows we may want a 4th?!! People feel so entitled to say what they think and believe it’s ok. I’d keep my distance from now on. And deffo text your parents if they’ve already said you’d see less of them. Very very strange. I could never talk to my children like that! Xx

Do you think your family or friends would appreciate you saying that or do you just not care?

Congratulations to you OP and sorry for your relations' attitudes. They should be excited along with you , how disappointing. We have 4 and people seem to be waiting for the next announcement. I think after 3 people expect that you'll never stop lol. We are definitely done now though! Best of luck

Could not agree more. So selfish to have more than 2 children and yet 3 seems to be the new trend.

Just hope in the future all the 3 or more children families don't need benefits because then they will moan they can't manage because they only get benefits for 2 of the children.

@mydogisthebest

"Could not agree more. So selfish to have more than 2 children and yet 3 seems to be the new trend.

Just hope in the future all the 3 or more children families don't need benefits because then they will moan they can't manage because they only get benefits for 2 of the children."

Absolutely not selfish to have 3 children. It's highly self-centred to come on a thread about having 3 children and claim some sort of misplaced moral superiority.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 you're a fruit loop. People can have as many kids as they choose to have wth has it got to do with you 🤦‍♀️

Congratulations OP.

Having one child is selfish, we have them for our own joy first and foremost.

I can’t imagine my parents being anything other than utterly delighted to hear about a new DGC. I’m sorry you aren’t expecting the same response.

I think if you are able to have 3 children then you are very blessed.
It's certainly not correct, but I believe that as a society we have been conditioned to consider more than 2 children as selfish (the benefit cap).
Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.