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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Paternity leave- how much is your other half taking...?

66 replies

amandine07 · 17/12/2013 10:21

Hello everyone

Currently 36 weeks, expecting our first baby.
Talking about paternity leave with the OH- bit surprised, he's saying that he's going to take 3 days (full paid) PL as the rest of it is statutory and so will have to take salary cut.

I do understand that we need the money, but I feel a bit sad that he'll be back at work a v shirt time after the birth and will miss out on the early days, just enjoying being at home, being a family.

It looks like I'll probably need a CS too although even if I had a 'straightforward' VB I would need help & support at home with the baby.

How much is your other half taking?
Am I being a bit PFB about all this...?!

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Bambamb · 17/12/2013 10:28

No you're not being pfb!

DS my hubby took 4 weeks (2 x pat leave, 2 x hols)
DD he took 3 weeks.

I had straight forward deliveries and I needed him for the first week or so to make me food and drinks while I was constantly breastfeeding, to run the errands that needed doing etc. Would have been lost without him. Plus it means support in the night without worrying about them being at work the next day. With DS it took me tge full four weeks to get my head around being a mum etc, I'm so glad hubby was around.

Not to mention of course the fact that he got to spend some time with our babies and get to know them a bit - surely your DP wants to do that?

Will you have other practical support around? I'd imagine after a section you'd need more help physically than I did.

Hollyjokes · 17/12/2013 10:29

My DH took two weeks statutory paternity leave with DC1 and will probably do the same with this one. Can your DH take some annual leave instead so he can stay at home longer but on full pay?

LittlePeaPod · 17/12/2013 10:30

I would be upset too Amandine. I am looking forward to DH, DD and I spending time getting to know each other. DH is taking 3 weeks hopefully 4 weeks (last week depends on what's happening with his trading markets in the Far East) off paternity leave.

How much time can your DH get paid? I thought most companies whe pretty good with paternity leave now.

I hope you get it sorted.

lilyaldrin · 17/12/2013 10:33

None really as he's self-employed, but he works from home so is still on hand if necessary.

You're going to need more than 3 days of support if you have a c-section. I'd tell him he either needs to take at least 2 weeks OR pay for someone to come and help you for that time period.

Rosebug258 · 17/12/2013 10:41

My dh can take 2 weeks paternity 1 at full wage the other at statuary paternity pay, this time we have saved the shortfall so he can take the 2 weeks and he's having a weeks leave as well so 3 in total, not all places have a good paternity package for dads tho! As we have found out and I'm glad we did early this time so we could save up the money

With dd I had her on the Tuesday was let home from the hospital on the Thursday he was back at work Thursday pm as he didnt quailfy for anything (new job only been working for them for 5 months) had the weekend off and worked odd day the following week - I was furious! A new baby is such hard work and with bf turned into a real nightmare :( I felt we needed family time, his work didnt agree

Hope all goes well for you x

Shellywelly1973 · 17/12/2013 10:46

My exdp told me on Sunday he has cancelled his Paternity Leave.

Im 34 weeks. Baby is breech. Im praying baby will turn!

callamia · 17/12/2013 10:59

My husband took two weeks when our son was born - we were both in hospital for the first five days, so it was so brilliant to have him around when we got home too. He's also looking into taking an extra two months next year when I go back to work.
Will you have other family/friends around to help you out? Good luck to you, and I hope all goes well.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 17/12/2013 11:04

DH took two weeks with both of our first two, so assume he'll do the same again. I found that fine personally, I needed to find my own feet, but three days would have been a shock.

Does he realise that after a section you might only just be getting home and he may have been limited to visiting hours to spend time with you both?

It seems a shame you may have next to no time at home together before he goes back to work.

MrsSpencerReid · 17/12/2013 11:08

DP is taking 2 weeks and a weeks annual leave. With ds we were in hospital for nearly two weeks so he went back to work until we were discharged so he actually got to spend time with us, would that be an option if you do have a section?

randomquicknamechange · 17/12/2013 11:09

My DH took two weeks with DS, unfortunately but actually great in the long run, was made redundant 2 weeks before DD was born and started a new job when she was 6 weeks. We were very lucky that he new he was starting the new job 4 weeks in advance so we could live comfortably on his redundancy payment.

Lamu · 17/12/2013 11:13

I gave birth to Dd early on a Friday morning Dp was back at work on Monday morning. 10 days later I was really poorly with a fever, turned out it was an infection, in hindsight i did too much too quickly. Unfrortunately not all companies are family friendly. With Dc2 I hope he's able to take at least a week off but I'm not counting on it.

Tiredemma · 17/12/2013 11:17

DP took two weeks and was paid full for this.

He did get under my feet after about a week though- but i am grateful that he was able to take this time.

Thegreatunslept · 17/12/2013 11:23

My dp was at home with ds and I for half a day.
He was made redundant 2 weeks before ds was born and got a new job due to start the day ds was born he was obviously not at work that day and took the nxt day off to bring me home from hospital and for us to register ds's birth as his new job was 7am-7pm so not able to register ds birth any other day.
The only good thing about being on my own with ds from such an early time was we were able to get ourselves into a nice routine and I felt ok doing everything with him as I had never known dp being (except weekends but dsd is here also).
I had 3 good friends who organised that one of them would call everyday for the 1st week with lunch so I had a bit of company and something to eat. And most evenings my mum or sister would have called on their way home from work to see ds but also to give me a chance to have a shower do dishes etc if I wanted to.
Do you have friend and or family that can help fill the gap a bit if your dp has to go back to work so soon

YoniMitchell · 17/12/2013 11:30

My DH is taking a week (SPL) then going back to work for a week (my mum is coming to stay that week), then is taking paid holiday for a week. That's the plan, anyway! That way he gets time with us, I get help from mum and we're not taking a big financial hit (my work mat policy is shite so conscious of not losing too much at the moment!).

dobedobedo · 17/12/2013 11:31

DH just gets stat paternity pay and I don't think we can afford for him to take two weeks. He's going to take one week stat paternity pay and one week normal holiday pay. He's saving all his holidays for when the baby is here.

Apparentlychilled · 17/12/2013 11:46

With dc1, he took 3 days (unpaid , as didn't qualify). It was fine as his job meant he was home by 5.30/6 each day. Dc2 he took 2 weeks and as dc2 was re admitted at 2 days so dh looked after dc1 while we were in hospital.

Trinpy · 17/12/2013 12:31

My dh is self-employed so doesn't get any paid paternity leave. He will probably take 2 weeks of unpaid leave though and then cut down on hours for the following 4 weeks. I think he would regret it if he missed out on the early days with ds.

Has your dh read any books or leaflets about the recovery time for c sections? Does he know any new dads who could tell him about their experiences?

lovelilies · 17/12/2013 12:54

Dp and I assumed he'll get full pay for the 2 weeks better check!!!

oscarwilde · 17/12/2013 13:09

Hmm - this was my experience
Saturday - waters broke, labour started around 5pm
Sunday - laboured
Monday - EMCS
Thursday - discharged from hospital

If he can only take 3 days, and you are not having a scheduled section there's a reasonable chance that if you started labour on a Monday morning he will have to be back at work as soon as the baby is born...

Can you ask a sister or a Mum to be your birth partner so that he takes leave when you get home from hospital?
Otherwise he is going to have to use some holiday. If you are 36 weeks though he may not be allowed the time off depending on his job with this late notice.

My H took two weeks but it was fully paid so it's a nice luxury. Lots of people don't get that but I'm surprised you are only discussing it now to be honest.

Felix90 · 17/12/2013 13:14

My OH gets 3 days paid then can take up to two weeks annual leave or unpaid. We have timed it quite well actually as I'm being induced a couple of days after Christmas and he gets Christmas week off anyway (would be back at work on 2nd Jan), then he will take his three days and until 15th Jan as holiday. So all together I think he's having about 3 and a half weeks off

Felix90 · 17/12/2013 13:16

Also you're definitely not wrong to be upset! Paternity leave is shocking, I don't know how companies can justify only giving three days off how can they expect people to cope, especially if you've also taken a pay cut with maternity leave.

Original poster

amandine07 · 17/12/2013 13:39

Wow thanks for the replies!

As it stands, he gets 3 days full pay PL- the rest of the 2 week PL is statutory pay i.e. less than what he earns now.

Currently looking to be planned CS for breech, unless I go into labour before obviously. We had discussed PL briefly a few months ago but now working out final details.

We could afford it perhaps but thinking about how much income I'll lose during ML it's not ideal at all.

It's a tricky one, in an ideal world he'd take the full 2 weeks.
My mum still works plus she does childcare for my younger siblings' children & they are all quite dependent.
Hmmm should have got in there first with the reproducing!

OP posts:

Original poster

amandine07 · 17/12/2013 13:43

On the other hand my father is not working so he is free, however, I don't know whether that would be more stressful than having nobody! (Sorry dad!)

Plus he is there helping out my mum with my niece & nephew.

Re stand- in birth partner no that wouldn't work... I would like my OH there at the birth of our first child, plus I think my mum would just wind me up.

Plus there will then be the comments for years to come about he couldn't tear himself away from work for the birth.
No, definitely more headache than it's worth!!

OP posts:

neversleepagain · 17/12/2013 13:53

DP took 1 week when we had our twins.

theborrower · 17/12/2013 13:58

I know money can be a tricky one but you'll need the help and there's a good chance he'll regret not spending some precious time together at the start. Do you have some savings that might help with the shortfall in income for his leave and your mat leave?

I went into labour on Monday, had an EMCS early Tuesday morning (DH had this day off), then he went back to work until Friday when I was discharged and he started his PL then (we decided that he'd be better using his time when I was out of hospital).

He had to go back to work for 2 weeks, then had 2 weeks holiday (pre booked). I couldn't have done without the help that first fortnight.

I'm expecting again and there's a chance I'll need a CS again. He's going to take 2 weeks PL then hopefully some annual leave too.

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