really need help form late potty training mums and please no nasty comments

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OK have posted a bit before on this and was accused by several mumsnet folk that i was totally incompetent basically because a 2 1/2- 2 3/4 year old back then was not potty trained

well one month to go to 3 and not potty trained

story

MIL had been secretly putting him on potty and then not telling me till i rang her and said he did pee pee on potty and she said oy yes he has been doing it with me! ok i thoguht ..leave it at that still not ideal as i should be teaching these things not mil..but little one sometimes sat and played on potty and peed and couple of times did poo

i was leaving it all to play by ear and letting my little one lead the way

one night MIL babysits and he poos a lot in nappy during sleep - they smell it i think and then mayhem

she screams at me when i return crying her eyes out saying lo has big psychological problem as not potty trained and angrily threateningly said i must train hin two weeks and etc etc and went tottaly bonkers on me

i was stunned ...i have no issue with lo pooing at night and don't know what potty training has to do with having a big poo at night

he also weed on my mil and i think because he was woken up and scare..never ever has happened wiht mne since was a newborn

i was told to ring health visitor and that this was a serious problem

i have no issue with potty training being late as mil and a lot of mumsnetters say

health visitor actually said i was being bullioed and laughed and said i was doing right thing to let little lead way

yes little one is now refusing to go in potty whereas was sometimes going before - only wants nappy

advice from mums who have had late potty trainers..how did you go about about it??

thanks for any advice

I tried my ds1 at 2.8 when I was fairly heavily pregnant, we tried for four days, he wasn't all that keen and he had lots of accidents, on day 4 he went to nursery and had got through all his ten pairs of pants by 10am, that was when we decided to wait a while longer! It was a nice three days though as we spent lots of time together reading stories and just taking it easy.

I tried again at 3.1 in the easter hols so that my dh could help if I was in the middle of a breastfeed or something. Ds1 suddenly took off his nappy and put on a pair of pants about a week before we were going to start. There were many accidents the first few days, maybe one or two potty wees, but suddenly he seemed to get the hang of it and on day 3 and 4 had few accidents. It was really encouraging. He did all of his poos in his pants for the first 3 weeks as well. Anyway three months later, he is doing all his poos in the toilet but he regularly wets himself, he just can't be bothered to stop what he is doing and go to the loo. It is driving me nuts, but thinking about it I would rather give him another pair of pants and shorts than change a nappy and at least the poos are in the right place. So glad I didn't just give up after day one or two, as I was sorely tempted.

DD was 3 and a half before she even consented to sit on the loo! And then she just decided and did it. We've had two accidents since and that's it. Stop worrying. They all get there in the end.