Where do i go from here? Desperate advice needed, please!

[flowerfairy]

Began pt dd about a year ago. We've had some ups and plenty of downs. But despite being a bright and articulate little girl, we are still having daily accidents, mostly poos. So in afit of pique last week I threatened nappies. After 2 days of managing to go to the toilet for a poo at my suggestion, she then pooed in her pants so felt I had to follow throughwith the nappy threat. The thing is now i'm not sure where to go from here? DD is 3.5 yrs and we are due to go away in a couple of weeks camping and not sure how I will cope with constant washing if this continues, at home is one thing! Please, please help, dd is extremely strong willed and we have endured constant power struggles over the year to get her to sit on the toilet and some days have been at breaking point by the end. Pt ds with very little trouble so feeling a big failure because she just doesn't seem to get it! TIA

Well she's been dry all day today and then after some face pulling in the bath (which meant she needed a poo) and getting out and having arun around after her bath she took it upon herself to go and sit on the loo and poo! Hurrah! I know it's only once, but feel a bit of glimmer of hope

Flower' my potty training soul sister. I can still feel your pain unfortunately as we have made no progress here.

Firstly... camping?? Are you bonkers? I thought I knew you but clearly I was mistaken because there is no way a grown up person should sleep outside on purpose, willingly. I feel better for having got that off my chest.

Nothing changed here or looked like it was about to so for the past 2 days I have changed tack again. This time I removed all treats and sweet things from the cupboard except the Nutella which I consider necessary and not a treat (does anyone else eat it from the jar with a spoon???). He still will not go to the toilet of his own volition so now I am blatantly bribing / cajoling him every 2 hours. If he goes he can have a sweet treat and only then. I am not sure it is a success because it doesn't feel as if he is training or it certainly is not what I would consider true training but there have been no "accidents" for these 2 days. Having said that I have no idea how to move on from this point if it is not his choice to go and it is fake training and who knows how long it will take for him to realise what I am doing.

Did we ever get an answer to that question about the existence of professional potty trainers? I am still willing to pay some cold hard cash...

I second the camping sentiment, that's what nice hotels were built for.

I would throw everything at it, treats, naughty step punishments (worked for some), sticker charts, you name it....

I have just realised that I have been doing this for 21 months, my youngest is 21 months and I have been doing this for as long as that little monkey has been hatched, these have been the first dry days in that time but I'm not sure if I should rejoice when it feels like trickery that is certain to cotton-on to at any moment.

Northyorksbelle you made me smile thanks. And yes I eat nutella (though tends to be Aldi alternative these days with a spoon from the jar when the kids aren't looking too!, lol)
21 months you are a saint! I am also having to ensure she goes to the loo every couple of hours or before leaving house to go somewhere and refusing to go until she has at least sat on.

I'll have to dream of a hotel for this year, lol! Even if I was in a hotel i'd have a pile of smelly, wet clothes to wash and dry in a small sink. At least there is a laundry on the campsite. Just don't want to make it my second home on holiday .

I could have written this post myself. I started potty training dd this time last year, and we are still battling the almost daily accidents, poos. I threatened nappies a couple of days ago, and following a poo in knickers this morning she is now wearing nappies. She seems quite happy about it, I think she thinks its easier. But I feel like a failure, as I know she can do it. We have whole days with no problems and days out etc...

ticklemonstermummy and We have hd a few days in nappies and at least we didn't feel stressed for those few days in nappies and i'm feeling a little calmer now. Yesterday was agood day and so far, knocks on wood, today has been good too. The thing is she knows all the right things to say to make me think she knows what to do. Just been shopping and she went before we left after some persuasion and while out. We'll see how the rest of the day goes now!

So the "potty training in a week" business is just lies then?

I have to say my son was much easier, but he was almost 3 when we started. I wish we had waited, but she seemed so ready at the time.

Someone suggested to me that I just buy loads of plain white knickers, no patterns, and then if she poos I just chuck them away. Then once she gets it she can have "special" fun knickers. So we are trying this. This afternoon, she stopped having just done a tiny bit of poo and run to the bathroom!

I thought that I had caught mine in the act today - he had just run into the cupboard under the stairs and closed the door when I got the tell-tale whiff (you know the one) and so I shouted through the door that I didn't want him to poo in his pants so if he needed a poo he had to go to he toilet... cue total silence for a few seconds and then he came out of the cupboard and went for a poo in the toilet. When I went to clean him up, I still do this as I have decided to pick my battles carefully now, I took a sneaky look at the undies to see what the damage was and there was nothing, not even a tiny smear. I mean "cinders and ashes"! As it turned out, his brother had dropped a mother load in his nappy and that was where the smell came from. You know those moments when you want to scoop those gangly little devils up and kiss 'em to infinity and beyond???? That was me when I'd finished cleaning both the bottoms!
What do you think? Could there be a flicker of light in this hideous black hole I have been stuck in?

Are you there flowerfairy? How's it going?

Sorry northyorksbelle for long absence. sounds like you have had bit of a break through-hip,hip hooray for you and ds!

Well today has been agood day she has taken herself to the toilet for 2 wees today, but no poos today. Tha seems to be where the problem lies. While we were at the park I think she needed to go, it's only 5 mins from home, so said come on lets go but she was determined to stay so I think she is holding it in. HAve to wait til tomorrow when she will need to go. We're also racing with a teddy to the toilet if I think she may need to go. Still giving stickers, and reward for 10. But not sure how to get over that yet!

We have had progress too. Other than two pooey marks followed by running to the bathroom, we have had no poos in knickers since the threat of throwing knick Knicks away! Shall just have to wait and see how we carry on... We are on hols at the mo, and I dint know if the break is helping her as she is in unfamiliar places...

Well done ticklemonstermummy. Wel we've had a poo in the night time nappy and another in pants this morning, so not so good today

And another in her pants- aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to test whether or not leaving him to his own devices again would bear fruit (instead of coercing him with sweets that is) and... of course it effing hasn't. He simply took the opportunity to diddle where he stood and sat. Sod it all to bloody hell and bloody back.

Hugs

How's today been northyorksbelle? We've been on a mammoth walk all day and i'm shattered! But dd did ok with wees, again. Refused to go before we left thehuse and when we got there and didn't ask to go all of one way, stopped for picnic, ds said he needed a wee so as boys do he di, I sai what about you dd then? She promptly pulled down her pants and did a wee in the grass, was completely shocked as she has always held on if we needed to go al fresco before. She weed when we got home of her own accord , then 5 mis later promptly went and pooed in her pants. Just don't know what to do, am at atotal loss. COsting me a small fortune in little bribes too!

It's the frustration, the frustration and the stupidness of it all. I think I've said it before but I'll say it again for the record shall I? I have obviously made a wrong turn somewhere along the line and it buggered up the journey from there onwards. Today he shocked me by announcing he was going for a poo but then changed his mind and merely left a smear in his undies. His mammoth poo eventually ejected from his bottom just before his bath but not before he had started his wee in the aforementioned undies. I could laugh or I could cry but it wouldn't make any difference so I'll just say blah!

Fully agree. Feel so angry and a failure, she's already pooed in her pants this morning. Feel today like I can't carry on doing this forever!!!
Just remember a girl at a school I worked at used to poo in her pants not tell anyone at age 8. Don't want dd to be like that!
Have you ever been to the dr's or hv for any advice? I haven't for fear they just look at me as if it's normal for it to take so long. Just wondered if you had that's all.

So the "potty training in a week" business is just lies then?

not lies, just luck.

Like any of these parenting things some people are lucky.

I fell for the 'I did it in a week' stuff and thought it was actually possible for most children. It's not.

There should perhaps be some debate about what "trained" means then I think. If it means they know how to do it and or what is expected of them then my boy has been trained for 18 months or so.

I did write a huge post but when I read it back I realised how much of a school marm I sounded so I deleted it. Essentially I simply don't believe that a child can be trained in a week. If anyone would like to argue about this with me then they please feel free to see me after.

I have thought about mentioning it to the HV to see if she could offer any advice but I backed out of it for fear of embarrassing him and I know that's pathetic. Otherwise I have no intention of taking him to the GP about it because there is nothing wrong with him, I feel that any condition that could be attributed here would be constant not intermittent. He can do the deed when it suits him or when wants something. Our issues here are fully my problem and down to my mistakes or mishandling of the situation. I accept that. Hmph!

I feel like I've lapsed into lecture mode again so sorry about that. I am in no position to lecture anyone having cocked this up so royally but I do still have strong feelings about it. I'm shutting up now.

Hugs all round I think. It is very easy to feel like a failure, and I had visions of dd starting school and still not having mastered it. I'm trying to take it 1 day at a time, and relax about it all. I think not having to try and clean pooey pants makes that easier, but that might just be me. Yesterday I suggested she might want to do a poo on toilet, and she did, but a couple of hours later she did another in her knickers. Then today she ran to the bathroom, with no prompting, and did one on toilet! Was over the moon and there were high 5s all round! Hope you have better days tomorrow :-)