Where do i go from here? Desperate advice needed, please!

[flowerfairy]

Began pt dd about a year ago. We've had some ups and plenty of downs. But despite being a bright and articulate little girl, we are still having daily accidents, mostly poos. So in afit of pique last week I threatened nappies. After 2 days of managing to go to the toilet for a poo at my suggestion, she then pooed in her pants so felt I had to follow throughwith the nappy threat. The thing is now i'm not sure where to go from here? DD is 3.5 yrs and we are due to go away in a couple of weeks camping and not sure how I will cope with constant washing if this continues, at home is one thing! Please, please help, dd is extremely strong willed and we have endured constant power struggles over the year to get her to sit on the toilet and some days have been at breaking point by the end. Pt ds with very little trouble so feeling a big failure because she just doesn't seem to get it! TIA

Although she has been dry all day today, no poo. Am fed up of cleaning up puddles and pooey pants. It's soul destroying. I end up having a major stand off about her going to the toilet, which today resulted in dh kicking me out the house and then within the time it took me to close the door he says she went and sat on the loo and did a huge wee.

Feeling at a total loss. I know her personality lends itself to not being forced to do things unless it is of her own choice, but it is driving me slowly mad.

Oh flower it's spooky how similar our situations are.

Isn't it marvellous when they perform so easily for someone else? The smugness the husband displays when this happens in our house is unbearable and he looks at me as if saying "I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, you just have to ask him to go and he goes". Well, if only I had come up with such a simple plan. It is so obvious... I think I want to murder death kill the husband.

Need to scream, desperately. Am determined not to nag her today as I know that results in a stand off. Then SHE POOS AGAIN, aaaahhhhhhh!!! Did manage to remain calm and say very little, other than lets get changed, flush the toilet, wash your hands, next time in the toilet. But I lose patience after a few days, when there seems to be no improvement. Just don't know what to do!

Hello, may I join you? I can't offer any solutions I'm afraid, but it looks as though I have found some kindred spirits .

DD is 3.5 and still. isn't. getting. it.

We started potty training a year or so ago. Did everything by the book - bought a potty, put it in the living room, no pressure etc. Bought Princess Polly's sodding potty book. Talked to her loads about weeing/pooing. She sees me go to toilet pretty much every day. She role-plays with her teddies and dollies about going to the toilet. She sees her friends (same age and slightly younger) going to the toilet and she talks about them being big girls and boys. She even sits on the toilet sometimes, but has never done anything whilst there.

After a few admittedly half-hearted attempts (we were in the process selling/buying and moving house, so didn't want to go full-on whilst all that was going on) we went cold-turkey a month ago once we'd been settled in our new house for a few months. Over 6 days we maybe had 3 wees on the potty, but that was with her sitting there for half an hour and eventually producing something. We cheered, we danced, we gave her Cadbury's chocolate fingers, but by the end of day 6 she still preferred to wee/poo wherever she happened to be sitting or standing so we admitted defeat . (We gave her the choice of potty or toilet).

I think the main problem is that she had never, ever told us that she needs a wee/poo or has just done one. She doesn't have a special "poo corner" nor does she pull a face; the first I know about a poo coming is the smell afterwards. Also, she just doesn't care about wearing a wet or soiled pull-up or knickers. Yesterday she was lying on the sofa for ages. When I sat down in the same place a bit later I realised that the sofa was soaked. Goodness knows how long she'd been laying in her own urine. Soul-destroying it certainly is and my house stinks of wee (carpet and fabric sofa).

She so desperately wants to be a big girl and wear knickers like her friends, but I can't cope with the cleaning up.

Sorry for the essay - had a lot to get off my chest!

Yes join in. Am also beginning tothink my house smells like a public toilet. ugh

So now he has a sore bottom because we were playing outside yesterday and he didn't tell me had done a poo. There are red welt type things on his bum. Really, though how can they stand it? I don't know what else could possibly be done here. He know's what to do - I haven't been for a poo alone in almost 5 years (since I became a chuffing momma) so it's not a bloody mystery.

Never mind difficult sleep patterns, difficult potty training is the scourge of our parenting times. Discuss.

Yes remember saying it was the hardest thing I did after learning breastfeed ds, that was 10 yrs ago, now. And this is still the hardest thing I have done since having 2 children.
I don't know how they stand it northyorksbelle either, dd did a poo yesterday came bringing us little messages on paper and still didn't tell us she had done one, until I noticed the tell-tale lump from her bum!

I'm kind of relieved to read this thread. Especially about other 3.5 year old girls just not getting it. DD is currently downstairs bottomless after having 4 changes of clothes today. We've been trying on and off for over a year but in that time have had 2 wees in the potty and one or two at nursery. Like others mentioned up thread she just doesn't seem to care about being in a dirty nappy. She does hate being wet but that just means a change of clothes.

I was using re-usable nappies until she grew out of what I've got about a year ago. I didn't see any point in buying the next size because "she'll be out of them soon" (ha ha). I was sucked in by the re-usable nappies = potty trained earlier.
My friend told me earlier this week that it's too late by the time they're over 3 . I might just give up and start with the 1 year old!...

Erm, may I ask what your friend means by "it's too late by the time they're over 3" please?
My boy is 4 and a half. I'm not sure where to source those giant nappies that pensioners in care homes wear.

She was talking about something she'd been reading on a cloth nappy forum - I think it meant that by the time they were over 3 it would be harder because they have much more of their own mind by that age.

We have had some wee and poo in the potty today but only through luck and managing to catch it at the right time. She was horrified by it both times, nearly crying when she saw what she'd done. But no worries about weeing on chairs, or the carpet, or on some Mr Men books .

She's at nursery every morning. I hope that they have more luck. I hope some leggings have dried by the morning so we've got some spare clothes to put in her bag!

Not a good day. Not a good day at all. So many wetting accidents I've just lost count.

20 minutes before bedtime I saw him doing the knee clenching hop so I suggested firmly that he should go to the toilet because he needed a wee. He said he didn't need a wee. What does mummy know anyway? So bedtime came and shock-horror he had a massive wet patch on the front of his pyjamas. I only found this out when he walked past the bathroom door (he goes for a final wee of the day before story and sleeping pull-ups are applied) and toddled into the spare room to deposit the wet pyjamas in the laundry basket. Then he ran his naked ass back into the bathroom to finish his wee as if everything was fine.

This is just the perfect example. I'm frustrated and disappointed at the same time. How do you handle this? You can't forcibly take him to the toilet even in the face of the hoppy dance - I've read about such things having a huge negative impact psychologically. You can't scream at them, however much you want to so you're left in this crappy limbo, no-mans land. What about MY psychological we'll being? I'm close to the edge right here right now!

Hmm, my initial thought about the "too late by the time they're over three" comment was that they'll get there eventually. None of our children will be in nappies in senior school!

But, I think that is a very good point about training being harder as they get older as they know their own mind. It's simply impossible to sit a willful three/four year old on the toilet or potty at regular intervals. I'm not even sure my DD would have stood for that when she was two, so maybe it's down to personality.

I was considering buying some absorbent pants like these. DH reckons it might just endorse that it's OK to wee in knickers, so we should stick to pull-ups for now.

hi good to see we're all in the same boat, still, lol.
Yesterday was abit of a bizarre day as i have a new development- DD swallowed a coin yesterday that lodged at the bottom of her throat, a&e visit, had gas a local anaesthetic, but couldn't find the darn thing as it has now popped into her tummy, so I will be poo watching for some time I feel, ugh, ugh!!
Am exhausted today though she has been dry -though that's the lack of fluid intake since 12.30 yesterday. And still hasn't been for a wee. Just suggested sitting on the potty while I sit on the loo, but flat refusal. Ladder to themoon I think it is very much down to personality. Ds was a placid boy who you could suggest going to the loo and he would. He mastered poo before wees and could not be more different to dd who is a force of nature. Though think my dealing with the whole toilet training with her has probably caused some of her to dig her heels in.

Oh no flower, much sympathy your way. I remember our coin swallowing incident and the subsequent horror that was a week of poo checking. I've still got that horribly discoloured £ coin in his memories box.

I decided to post as I have hit my limited after 8 months so to know there are longer stretches of this is sort of encouraging/worrying at the same time. ds3 started the whole potty training thing at Xmas and starts 5 mornings a week at nursery in a month still not dry. The galling bit is he just doesn't seem to care no matter what, tried stickers, bribery (chocolate buttons,) everything I can think of to no avail. If I get a whiff or know what time he generally goes I can head it off but no concept of telling anyone he needs to go. Am I wasting my time? After training the oldest 2 in less than 6 weeks each it's clearly not something I am going to get away with so easily this time and doing nothing different! Frustrated....

Ok dry all day, have got the potty out again in a vain hope that she is more confident at getting on there and that going on the toilet is the cause of some of the poo problems.

But no poo today, so will be on high alert tomorrow looking for signs of a poo and if the pesky coin will be outed, lol

How about everyone else?

Flower just pump that girl full of water, that will get the poo going. It's what we did.

As for me, today I am deflated. We had a fairly good morning on the wee front with my delicate coercion tactics but all that was to change.

Just after lunch we got a meek little phonecall from The MIL asking if we could run her the district hospital because she had fallen and her ankle had swollen. We dropped the magnetic trains and went to collect her. As she was being x-rayed upstairs I took the likely lads outside to a walled garden type thing so they could run around without disturbing anyone. What I thought was a cute game turned out to be anything but, we were both crouching down behind bushes at either end of the garden but it seemed I was the only one of us listening to instructions, making myself invisible and actually playing the game of hide and sodding seek. Little man was simply turning out a giant turd in his corner. When Grandma was trundled out in a wheelchair having had her broken ankle set in plaster the smell was tremendous. It was raining but I had to open all the car windows because I thought the poor woman didn't need gassing as well.

So yeah, I'm deflated and fed up. Lord have some mercy on me please. I don't deserve this do I? I'm good people me.

Oh northyorksbelle, my sympathies, though you do manage to make me smile too, lol!
And no you don't deserve it. We're doing the best we can at the hardest job in the world and some days it's just sh**, and I mean that literally as well!!

Put your feet up and enjoy and or , whatever your poison is! Chin up tomorrow is another day.

No flower! It's not funny, it's just not funny at all.

I know. I'm sorry.

offers more and runs for cover

Hope tomorrow is better for you, hugs!

What is funny though is that even as the woman was turning a funny grey colour from breathing in the noxious fumes she was still trying to suggest it might be her fault for having disturbed us and our routines! Can you stand it? Grandparents are a strange breed.

Your lucky my MIL thinks that DD isn't trained by now is all my fault!! Though she does have ds's halo polished regularly too!

No energy today so have just left the fight and lived. We've been out on his bike and then somehow I found the oomph to go to the park with him and his brother. Without encouragement or coercion however, there has been a large number of changes to undies and trousers. In a way it was good to leave it and get with things but with each change I was getting more and more annoyed. What's the best course of action? He isn't going to have the reminders and or encouragement or bribery at school and I sense trouble is brewing.

I wish I could offer some helpful words northyorksbelle. I wish someone wiser would come along and give the magic answer.

All I know is I too find it harder after each change of clothes to grit your teeth and repeat the same things.

DD weed on the floor in the kitchen as I told her she couldn't have anything to snack on as we were about to eat lunch, sometimes she seems to do it out of temper. A little more success with the potty.

We did have a poo yay! (in pants) yesterday (boo) but no coin. Can you remember how long it took for the coin to make a reappearance?