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Post-natal clubs

Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

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Original poster

Please help. just had the urge to throw newborn son across room

43 replies

wilhe · 11/01/2008 20:23

I think I must have the most discontented baby ever. He is 5 weeks old now and if he is awake all he does is scream. Either because he is hungry, has wind or is tired ad god knows why else. I feel like he hates me. I am loving towards him, feed him on demand, don't leave him to cry. I interact with him, don't overstimulate him, let him sleep on me, basically give him what he needs. So why is he so unhappy? After a day of non stop feeding and screaming I found myself patting his back rather roughly while winding him. I then put him in his crib (gently after having calmed him) but his screaming just escalated and went on and on. I picked him up roughly then sat down to feed him again and I then got the urge to throw him accross the room. He just wont stop screaming. Im on my own.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

morningpaper · 11/01/2008 20:25

Have you got a sling? When mine were like this I would put them in a sling and go for a walk. JUST DO IT. KEEP WALKING.

chankins · 11/01/2008 20:26

Poor you - Have you contacted your health visitor for advice and support ?
It sounds like colic or wind, thats usually why they cry non stop. Not much help though, I'm sorry. You sound like you are doing a greta job, and trying your best for him. I am sure he does not hate you, he must just be in discomfort and pain, or he wouldn't be crying. Hope someone else comes along with some better advice for you x

chankins · 11/01/2008 20:27

Agree with morning paper - slings are brilliant, you can get really comfy ones now, and just carry him about all day, see if that works ?

cornsilk · 11/01/2008 20:27

Yes use a sling.
Does he need to cry himself to sleep do you think?

Podmog · 11/01/2008 20:27

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 11/01/2008 20:27

Can you talk to your health visitor tomorrow? Is there anyone who will take him for an hour at least tomorrow for you?
He does not hate you and is not crying because of anything you are doing!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 11/01/2008 20:28

If you feel like you can't manage, put him in his cot and leave the room. Crying for a few minutes won't hurt him while you calm down and better than you being rough with him. Try and get some help and support and sleep when the baby does. Leave the chores.

StealthPolarBear · 11/01/2008 20:28

Unless you are making him watch emmerdale in which case he is well within his rights to cry

sophierosie · 11/01/2008 20:29

You need to take 10 mins break. Is there anywhere in the house where you can't hear him crying? How about a garden?

Just put him back in his cot and give yourself a break for a few mins - there is nothing wrong with leaving him when you're feeling like this. Is there anyone you can call just to reassure you you're doing a good job?

CarGirl · 11/01/2008 20:29

please ask to rule out acidic reflux my dd3 was like this at 6 months they finally agreed to try infant gaviscon and it worked miracles, is he sleeping much? My dd only slept about 8-10 hours out of 24.

In the meantime please get some support, I do know that feeling it's is just the worst.

claireybee · 11/01/2008 20:30

Poor you. If it is any consolation he sounds exactly like my 4 week old ds and I know how hard it is not to get frustrated with them. I wear him in the sling most of the day (and night) because it is the only way I get any peace!

ScaryHairy · 11/01/2008 20:32

Sweetheart, everyone feels like this at least once (or at least I did, and so did all of my friends).

Nab3 is right: deep breath, put baby somewhere safe and leave the room.

Alternatively I found it helped to say out loud what I fet like doing. Hearing it made me realise that I never would do whatever awful thing I was thinking of.

You will be fine, go easy on yourself and just bear in mind that the baby crying doesn't mean you are a bad mother or even, necessarily, that the baby is upset (he might just fancy a shout). It will get better, honestly.

PerkinWarbeck · 11/01/2008 20:34

This can be such a hard time. My dd was a real screamer too, and I couldn't always work out how to stop it.

A good coping strategy for me was putting DD in the buggy for a good long walk. I'd plug my ipod in to cover up the crying, and the fresh air also helped me to feel better. An added bonus was that the motion of the buggy would sometimes help DD to drop off.

Keep posting if you need to sound off.

ScaryHairy · 11/01/2008 20:34

Ah yes, another idea is to put him in the pram and go for a walk, preferably along a road with a bit of traffic. Out in the open with a bit of noise it won't grate so much and he may stop crying while you are out.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 11/01/2008 20:35

Sometimes you just need to shut the door and have five minutes. Make yourself a cup of tea, breathe deeply and go back in. It sounds like the other people who've responded are right about the colic, that isn't your fault, and of course he doesn't hate you! You're doing a good job, and even better for posting on here rather than lose your temper. Keep calm, it will pass.

You can call cry-sis on 08451 228 669 7 days a week
9am-10pm if you need support too, but don't stop MNing!

Nooname · 11/01/2008 20:35

Hi wilhe,
Please try not to take it personally - he doesn't hate you, he is probably in a lot of pain and finding the transition from your womb to the outside world really difficult. Rather than hating you, you are the only thing in his life making him feel good.

I really really empathise cos my ds cried ALOT, slept terribly and his first three months were a total nightmare, and I am lucky, I have a partner for support.

Have you got anyone who can give you break? If you feel you might harm him, put him down in a safe place and leave the room.

You are doing a brilliant job btw.

ScaryHairy · 11/01/2008 20:36

X-posted Perkin. Being outside does make it better!

Original poster

wilhe · 11/01/2008 20:37

I have a sling. I wear it all the bloody time. I ache all over and am bloody knackered cos all I do is walk up and down. It does work but I can't keep doing it forever. It's a wrap sling so more comfy than most but wearing him all the time is taking its toll.
He won't cry himself to sleep-he just gets more and more frenzied, believe me I have tried.
I would never actually throw him by the way, but it's bad enough that the thought entered my mind

OP posts:

silkcushion · 11/01/2008 20:38

Wilhe - put him in his cot and walk away to calm down. he will be safe and you need the space ( I have a 9 week old and I totally understand where yr coming from)

Good idea on here about ringing someone/anyone to see if they can come round for 30 mins to give you a break.

Ask hv/gp for advice - there mmay be something undiagnosed. he doesn't hate you, he will automatically love you

It does get easier after a few more weeks
take care

silkcushion · 11/01/2008 20:40

Wilhe - x posts

I stood by my dd's cot one night just thinking over and over " shut the fuck up"

We're not perfect any of us and babies are bloody hard work I've discovered

FairyFay · 11/01/2008 20:40

I agree with the suggestion to put him down in his cot for a few minutes, shut the door and have a few minutes to yourself. He will be safe in his cot and some crying won't hurt him.

Have you considered taking him to a cranial osteopath. It doesn't always work but I have heard some very good reports about them helping unsettled babies.

If you can get someone to take him for an hour tomorrow then please do. Have some time to yourself, sleep, have a bath, go for a walk, whatever.

And finally do keep talking on here, MN is a great source of support.

Original poster

wilhe · 11/01/2008 20:41

Can it be colic if he does it ALL day? Thought colic was an evening thing...

OP posts:

Nooname · 11/01/2008 20:44

With my ds, colic was def an evening thing - cried every evening from about 4/5 til 9pm.

But colic is (as I understand it) stomach/intestinal pain and if you think he is windy during the day, he may just be in constant pain. Def check for reflux. ds had that too and infant gaviscon did help.

Speak to you hv/midwife

DoubleBluff · 11/01/2008 20:44

HAve you tried a dummy?
My two were real grumps. A dummy worjed wonders.

silkcushion · 11/01/2008 20:45

have a friend's baby who has colic and is definitely unsettled all day - she couldn't put her down. Cranial osteopathy seemed to help

My dd had silent reflux which caused her to scream from 11pm til 9am non stop for over a week. hence the situation I mentioned earlier. Hv told me to raise her cot/moses basket so she was on a slope - was like a different child immediately

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