Please help. just had the urge to throw newborn son across room

[wilhe]

I think I must have the most discontented baby ever. He is 5 weeks old now and if he is awake all he does is scream. Either because he is hungry, has wind or is tired ad god knows why else. I feel like he hates me. I am loving towards him, feed him on demand, don't leave him to cry. I interact with him, don't overstimulate him, let him sleep on me, basically give him what he needs. So why is he so unhappy? After a day of non stop feeding and screaming I found myself patting his back rather roughly while winding him. I then put him in his crib (gently after having calmed him) but his screaming just escalated and went on and on. I picked him up roughly then sat down to feed him again and I then got the urge to throw him accross the room. He just wont stop screaming. Im on my own.

It's such hard work when you have a baby who cries. I remember when I was pregnant and my sister told me that she understood how people managed to hurt their babies (this prob sounds awful...she never hurt her kids but had a DS who could not be put down..) I thought that I would never feel that way but when they cry they get right under your skin. If you feel like you are starting to become stressed, put him down and let him cry. Walk out of the room and find somewhere where you cannot hear him. Have you tried putting him in his car seat and picking it up and swinging it or taking all his clothes off and letting him lay on his changing mat? These were the only things I could do to calm my DD. I'm wishing you so much luck. I know what it's like to have a crier. If it's any consilation...my toddler is now the easiest I know so I think we all get our easy points at different times. XxX

I had a similar urge when my DS1 was about 4 days old. I was exhausted and sore after a very difficult birth. I visualised chucking him out of the bedroom window. I never wanted to or intended to do so, it was just a picture that flashed across my mind for a split second, and it frightened me. I didn't tell anyone this, not even my DP, for a long time.

I never had that feeling again, and 2 years later have a strong & close bond with DS1. I have since read (but I can't remember where) that it is quite common for people to have these sorts of moments - it is a way for the mind to cope with the extreme stress you are under as a new parent. Clearly if you were fantasising about hurting your child on a regular basis, I would seek some help - but if this was a one-off, and only a thought (and one which possibly horrified you and made you feel really guilty for thinking it) - then you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

It sounds like your DS is colicky. Perhaps you had a difficult birth (forceps? ventouse?) - in which case he could have some residual pain or discomfort. If you can afford to take him to a cranial osteopath, you might find this helps him settle.

Otherwise, have faith that this really difficult time will pass. Nothing can prepare a woman for the shock and exhaustion of having a child. Anyone who makes it sound easy is either lying or in denial. It sounds like you are doing a really good job. At those moments where it gets too much, step back, leave the room, take a few minutes out. Your child will be fine crying for a moment, then you can go back with the calmness you need to see to his needs.

Good luck

I agree with putting him down in his cot and closing the door while you calm down. It's important to talk to someone if you can about this. Others have given great about advice about getting him checked for reflux etc. so I'll just tell you about my DS. For his first six weeks my DS cried if put down during the day - I carried him around all day for six weeks (this was in the days before slings were popular) and I still remember the first time I sat on the loo and it was quiet. I felt so relieved it was unbelievable. He then turned into the happiest, sunniest baby I could have wished for - so hang in there it won't last for ever.

Might be worth a trip to the GP to discount an ear infection too.

Hi there, pats on the back to you, it seems like you are coping really well, despite having a tough time with a crying baby.

I have sooo been there with my firstborn. I was beside myself with tiredness, he cried and cried, would never sleep in the day, he made grizzzly noises all the time when he wasnt crying.

Do you breastfeed? If so, have you tried to lie down in bed, and let baby feed laying on his side? That way you can both rest, baby may fall asleep that way, and you can just drift off too. That is what my Health visitor adviced me. I am not usually one to advocate falling asleep at the breast, but sometimes, needs must for mum to get a well earned break. If you bottle feed, I am sure this can be adjusted to just relax together.

Otherwise, it can be really usefull to just put baby well wrapped in the pram and take a short stroll around the block. Good to get some fresh air and blow those cobwebs out of your frazzled mind.

Quin, I totally agree with you about falling asleep together. You just have to do whatever you can to survive!!

You poor thing. I've been there too. DD spent a LOT of time in the sling. Second (/third/fourth) the lying down breastfeeding. I promise it will get better. Do try the cranial osteopathy thing - my DD was forceps (after failed ventouse) and just like this and I don't know why I never managed to get round to it. Regret it now. Reflux another good suggestion (does he arch a lot?). Our colic was all day too. I think (don't take my word for it) some people define a colicky baby as one that cries more than two hours a day. God, what I would have done for her to cry for only two hours a day!

It may help to know she is a gorgeous 21 month old, totally devoted to me (even though she can read my mind, seriously, so must have been a party to all my... uncharitable? thoughts), and an incredibly happy, bright, charming, gregarious little kid. (and yes, I am completely objective!)

sorry if I missed this (havent read all thread just skimmed it) are you bottle or breat feeding, if bottle what formula is he on (my dd2 couldnt handle sma chnaged ger to aptamil and different baby!)

Actually, my sons crying improved dramatically around 3 months, when my health visitor suggested I try a craneosteopath for him. Basically, his birth was rather traumatic, with two failed attempts with the ventouse and then a foreceps delivery. HV and GP thought he might be suffering headaches, and his skull might need aligning by a craneosteopath. It was nearly a miracle, he only needed 2 treatments. How could I have forgotten?

I have a Miserabelle. Or on some days, Missy Izzy. A dummy helps. As does a sling. As do naps and trying to get her to sleep, generally. Just got a bumbo for her which is also helping. Now we have 4 options when up, lie on floor. Sit in bouncer. Sit in Bumbo or be held. Between the four I'm feeling slightly more sane!! Also she is just starting (at 15 weeks) to take an interest in her brother. She is still very much a mummy's girl though - cries if anyone other than DP or I hold her, can usually only be settled by me when upset. I'm a bit concerned about my return to work to be honest. So different from DS. As it is often said on here repeat the mantra 'it is just a phase' All day every day if required. It will get easier at some point in the future - when they leave home or hopefully before.

I second the craneosteopath idea. I have seen dramatic improvements in crying babies after treatment.

It is very very difficult, and well done you for talking about it. When I felt like this (more than once) I felt like I couldn't tell anyone, especially not the HV.
Two things strike me: 1) reflux / colic as others have mentioned (also agree with cranial ost. - can really help some babes
and 2) I would get these feelings when I felt trapped and suffocated by having to sacrifice myself totally and constantly to this child. What helped me feel a bit more sane and gain some perspective on it was getting out and about and making contact with other mums, even just to have 2 crying babies together seemed a bit easier, and also starting a routine. This eventually settled my dd a bit, she was a bit happier and I felt more in control and also like I had a little bit of space earmarked where I could be just me, not 'mum of xx'.
Keep talking about it. I don't mean it in a trite way, but it will get better!

Just remember that the first few months is all about settling them and them getting used to you. Babies are not always enjoyable until a few months after they are born. And you are normal in the way you think towards him. It will pass it will get better. The advice to take time out, where you can't hear him is the best. He will not suffer.

Colic can def be all day - my DD2 was like that yelled all day, would not sleep much at all (but at least was not too bad at night). Hang in there and leave the room if you have had enough - he will be okay but he needs you to keep sane. Sounds like you are doing an incredible job so hang in there as it will get better and take each day at a time. I found gripe water useful/infacol okay but not so good. Walks outside really help as well except this weather is so grim oh and also I drank loads of camomile tea (as BF thought it might help and and least it kept me calm !)

wilhe I would strongly recommend reading the book "the happiest baby on the block" by harvey karp.
It's the most helpful thing I have come across and has really helped me with my "colicky" baby.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to you all for your support, it really helped me. Was my first post on mumsnet (although I read from time to time) and I was scared you would all judge me but you were brilliant with the advice and encouragement.

Hope things are getting better.

I agree about the acid reflux, my baby had it and all she did was cry constantly for the first 4 months of her life, i took her to the doctors 5 times before someone took notice, gaviscon didn't work so she had rantidine which worked wonders and also took her to a cranial osteopath which also helped. hope it gets easier for you and that you start enjoying this time. xxxxx