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Post-natal clubs

Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

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Original poster

friend has had an emerg c section , please tell me she will b ok??

50 replies

muma3 · 21/06/2006 15:38

i have had 3 normal deliveries and im worried for my friend as she has had to have an emerg c/s . we talked loads about having a vaginally delivery and although she wasnt niave to the fact that a c/s may be necerssary we never discussed it as such .

im worried that she was scared and that she will not bond with baby after and be so pooorly recovering that she wont enjoy the whole experieance as much as i did .

please help me to understand that she could of had a reasonabably positive experience and that i shouldnt feel so sorry for her .

she was in labour for 16 hours had forceps episiotomy and the baby was just too high up she was rushed to theatre.

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Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 16:27

bump im worried for her but should i be? she wil be ok wont she ?

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KBear · 21/06/2006 16:30

she will be fine. I had no problems bonding with the baby and breastfed. It's a bit scarey when it's an emergency but it's all over now and with a good friend like you I'm sure she'll have lots of help and be fine.

BROWNY · 21/06/2006 16:31

muma3, thought I'd just tell you about when I had an emergency c-section with my first daughter, due to pre-eclampsia and not dilating. I was rushed to theatre and had to have a general anesthetic. Cutting a long story short, I suffered with postnatal depression for a long time afterwards and needed a lot of company and support - I felt I needed the hospital to explain to me what had happened fully, so I could completly understand. I hope your friend recovers fully and bonds with her baby, but in all honestly she is bound to feel exhausted and maybe a little upset that she didn't have a vaginal delivery. HTH

waterfalls · 21/06/2006 16:32

She should be fine, at worst a bit traumatised for a few days, I think most emergency c sections are very calm and organised, mine was when twin 2 had to be delivered by emergency c section ten minutes after delivering twin one vaginaly.

Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 16:32

think she will be so out of it though that she might just let them give baby a bottle too?

think it was such a shock too

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KristinaM · 21/06/2006 16:35

Please give her lots of support. She will be very sore as she will have stiches in both places IYSWIM.Obviously lots of women who have an emergency c section still manage to escape this!!!

Racers · 21/06/2006 16:35

I also had no probs bonding and breastfeeding, but I did feel the need to talk about it and most people were a bit unwilling to let me do that - 'oh the main thing is you are both ok'. mmmm yes, but please let me feel a bit sorry for myself and, frankly, recognize that I'm in shock - I'd wanted a home birth!! With your shoulder to cry on, I'm sure she'll be ok.

bamboo · 21/06/2006 16:42

I agree it doesn't necessarily follow that she'll have trouble bonding or breastfeeding. I didn't like many here - so many other factors come into play with that, I guess. She will need big pants though so make sure someone has thought of that. I didn't have anything like that in my hospital bag so mum was dispatched forthwith to buy some.

waterfalls · 21/06/2006 16:45

Oh and warn her not to drink anything fizzy, absolute agony on the stomach.

Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 16:52

thanks for all your support i have no idea about c/s and am so worried for her .
my dp has just told me to stop going on . i told b/f dp that i am sorry for bugging him all day to find out what has happened . when i explained this to my dp he said
"you probably have done his head in but he wont tell you will he "

im now left not knowing what to do or say . whether to back off completely or carry on being there for them . should i just leave them to contact us or make an effort to check they are ok ? he has made me feel really paranoid and when i told him it has upset me he told me to "stop going on " argh!!

what should i do now?

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Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 16:56

i would love to have any other tips from you guys to pass on
(have informed her of MN but she hasnt had time so far to register )
not sure if it is a good idea to pass them on though as dp has made me feel like crap about it all . i was well excited last night but he told me i was acting like a pysho and they will think i want to klidnap baby. ffs she is my best friend and i want to be there for her and help as much as i can . i have had 3 babies myself so i know you sometimes feel smoothered by guests and need time to settle home but everything i do he says is wrong .
please tell me where i should draw the line???

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chubbleigh · 21/06/2006 17:11

Know the score, was 18 hours in labour, then suddenly all hell broke lose, you know things could be bad when consul. gyno starts screaming at his staff. At first was so consumed with baby that did not think about it too much, only later shed tears over it all. Mostly felt dissappointed and also do not appreciate the fact that if I have another it too could be a section. It did not matter that I was not awake when he was born, I had bonded with him well before that. Like any other birth, the details fade with time. Practical help is best, she won't be able to drive for 6 weeks and also housework like heaving dyson up and downstairs is out. Go and clean her house and do her washing and she will love you forever.

UniSarah · 21/06/2006 17:13

muma3- a positive C-section tale for you.
I had an emergency c-section 3 months ago when my lad was born,after 24 hours of contractions he was still v high up and not showing any signs of coming down and his heart rate was dipping alarmingly with each contarction. for me the op its self was very calm, I was sick before and after due to the anathetic, my blood pressure dropped quite a bit too.I had IV lines all over the place and a catheter. BUT 12 hours later I was sitting out of bed, 24 hours later i was pottering about the ward.
I've had no more problems breast feeding than any one else and fewer than many. Boy wasn't interested in feding for the 1st 12 hours or so, but thats not unusual. The boys daddy got to know him while I was suffering from the anasthetic and being kept in theatre a bit longer, boy and daddy had a nice cuddle in the recovery room.
I didn;t want to see any body but dh during the 4 days I was in hospital, I just wanted to rest and get to know my son (we had lots of loooong cuddles). Not deal with recounting the tale of what happened again and again as other women on the ward seemed to have to do for each set of vistors they had.I also didn;t want to see people while I still had a catheter in , its not very dignified having a bag of wee hanging on your chair arm.
I have no regrrets about the c-section at all even tho we had planned a home birth. With out it probadly my son and maybe I would be dead.
5 days after the C-section I was up to walking down the road ( half a mile each way) with Dh pushing the pram so I could go and have a cuppa at the breat feeding surport group! I gather I got up and mobile fairly quick, but I was fairly fit before hand and didn't seem to have any problem moving.
maybe back off a litttle from " bugging " your friend dp, hes probadly knackered too :-) send her or him a txt or somthing offering to pop round when they wwnat to see you and wait for the invite. If you havn;t been invited in 4 days maybe repeat the txt with an offer of coming round with cake.
sorry for ty[pos, boy os on my lap and fidgey.

Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 17:14

i said to her dp that if he wants me to meet him at the flat later when he gets home and do an few things like washing or whatever then just ring . he said thanks for the offer but he would be ok . i said anything that i can do just ask . he said ok . maybe dp is right maybe he is fed up with me going on and bugging him or maybe he doesnt want to accept help . bit hard to say "yes you can come and lean my house " he might of just being polite .

oh god i dont know what to think or say/do now.
dp just came in room and shouted at me . saying i always start rows.

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Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 17:22

just texted him and said i will give them a few days etc and will wait to hear from them when they are ready i said sorry etc etc

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Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 17:23

he texted back and said your not bugging us just curious dont worry x

?????????????

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bamboo · 21/06/2006 17:26

Obviously, I don't know your friend but I wouldn't have wanted friends to commiserate too much over the method of delivery of my dd. I preferred their congratulations as I had just had a baby after all .

UniSarah · 21/06/2006 17:27

Thats cool. they are Ok, they know your agog for news and when they are ready they will tell you what they want to. it might not be everything. thats their preogitive. relax and getting cooking cake to take with you when you do get invited round.

Original poster

muma3 · 21/06/2006 17:31

of course im not wanting to go round and tell her how bad her birth was or even ask questions but i just want to help thats all and my dp has made me feeli like i cant offer without being OTT
sad because i have been so happy today , he comes in and put a dampener on it

OP posts:

Normsnockers · 21/06/2006 17:32

Message withdrawn

waterfalls · 21/06/2006 17:35

Dont let him get you down for being a good friend, I would give my right arm for a friend like you.

madmarchhare · 21/06/2006 17:36

Dont fret, it really isnt such a big deal, loads of women have them, albeit a bit of a shock.

I think its tricky to start talking about bonding/feeding etc.. because you dont know how things might have been even if she had had a normal delivery.

As it goes, I actually felt worse a few days later, give them some space.

Your help will probably be much more appreciated when her DP goes back to work or when everyone has done their fussing and think that everything is back to normal.

mazzystar · 21/06/2006 17:36

Hi there, if I were you I would leave the CS to her to talk about if she should want to. She may be more in need of your help when her DP goes back to work, in the mean time maybe you could cook her some meals for the freezer!

Bink · 21/06/2006 17:56

She mightn't even have thought the emergency c/s was that big a deal - I didn't think mine was.

The only differences were that (a) my dh got to be the first to hold ds, which dh and ds now think of as an extra-special treat memory for them; and (b) the recovery bit is a bit different - you're not supposed to drive for six weeks, you have to be a bit careful about how you get out of bed, pick up the baby and so on - but really recovery from a vaginal birth takes a while too.

So now you've texted them, and got a response which to me sounds nice and friendly, I think the only thing you need to do differently is remember she mightn't be able to carry heavy things for a bit. So maybe offer to do some shopping for her, if her partner's back at work, something like that. Otherwise, no big deal. Definitely not an automatic bonding problem.

LeahE · 21/06/2006 17:56

In most cases "emergency" creates the wrong impression, too. Unless the baby is in distress or you need a general anaesthetic, etc. (which does happen, as some pp here have experienced), then "unplanned" is a better term. It's easy to think that an emergency c/s is full of trauma and panic but in many cases it's a pretty calm and almost chatty experience. Not sure if this will have been the case for your friend, but she may well not have found it too bad at all.

I had an unplanned c/s after 40 hours of labour (well, officially it wasn't all labour as I wasn't "established" for the first 18 hours but it all felt the same to me). I wasn't scared I just wanted ds born safely and by that point was convinced that a c/s was the best means of achieving that. In fact, once the decision had been taken to go with the c/s it was more reassuring there was none of the "hmmm, well if this then that, while on the other hand..." that had been going on in the latter stages of labour and we knew for sure what was happening. The very friendly anaesthetist talked me through the whole thing (this seems to be quite common the anaesthetist doesn't have much to do once he/she's got the epidural/spinal in apart from keep an eye on your vital signs, so they have time to keep you chatting and informed while the rest of the team gets on with the messy end of the business) and I could hold DS straight away. Breastfed as soon as I was stitched up and out of theatre, no problem bonding, recovery not too bad (the worst bit for your friend will probably be having both an episiotomy and a c-section, so she'll be affected standing up or sitting down), no problems bonding, still bf ds seventeen months later (seventeen months today, actually). The worst bit was being stuck in hospital for four days if I have another c/s in future (and I'm even considering going for an elective c/s next (hypothetical) time) I am going to be discharged early assuming no complications.

She may well be in hospital for several days so give them that time and a few days to settle in at home. I'm sure they'll value all the stuff that new parents value cooked meals, someone to make cups of tea, etc. but not particularly more so because it was a c/s. And just try not to get too worked up and intense. As a first-time parent I wanted friends who were experienced parents to be calm and unflappable and tone down my new-parent jitters.

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