friend has had an emerg c section , please tell me she will b ok??

[muma3]

i have had 3 normal deliveries and im worried for my friend as she has had to have an emerg c/s . we talked loads about having a vaginally delivery and although she wasnt niave to the fact that a c/s may be necerssary we never discussed it as such .

im worried that she was scared and that she will not bond with baby after and be so pooorly recovering that she wont enjoy the whole experieance as much as i did .

please help me to understand that she could of had a reasonabably positive experience and that i shouldnt feel so sorry for her .

she was in labour for 16 hours had forceps episiotomy and the baby was just too high up she was rushed to theatre.

[muma3]

went to see her last night . the baby is so perfect he is the littlest thnig i have ever seen !!!

the baby had the cord around his neck and also it had fallen down and everytime he moved it put pressue on it so his heart beat went down, he was resuitated when born as he wasnt breathing . the atmosphere wasnt calm as i had hoped and extremely rushed for obvious reasons. i asked her if she is glad its all over and she said "yes, but im not having anymore !"

she is feeding lovely and happy with everything just in pain still and exchausted .

[heavenis]

I've had two c-sections both for the health of the baby, they both went to special care but i still bonded with them.
I think the hardest thing is getting moving again, although second time around it was alot easier.
If she can manage to get rest and also allow the air to get to the wound it will be better at healing.
I think you are being a great friend.

[muma3]

appaerently baby is feeding lovely and she hasnt given up yet so thats good news hey

[CarolinaMoose]

it is exciting muma3 - I remember feeling a bit like that when my sister had her first. None of my friends had children and we were ttc at the time, so it was a whole new experience.

Don't worry too much about the cs - yes she is prob v tired and sore and will appreciate people putting the kettle on for her, but she will prob be bonding fine.

[Twiglett]

I had 2 very positive c-sections .. bonding immediately after, breast-feeding immediately after

try not to worry

[muma3]

i dont know? i have wrapped it now so will have a look later when i go to see her . they are coming home tonight after 5pm , i got some "baby boy " banners too and my dp is going round in his lunch break to help b/f dp put them up
he his really confiding in me his thoughts and feelings over it all and i feel so privelidged . its taking the urge to help away becasue i fell like he knows im here for them both and im doing something good now.

sorry if i have sounded a bit OTT over the last few days i have never had a friend have a baby before they have all had kids before i met them so it was a first and i just was so happy i couldnt control myself or the overwhelming urge to help .

thanks for all the advice recently , i will post later when i have been to see the new arrival x

[Uwila]

Wow, wish I had a friend like you. Only thing is, I thought you couldn't put the cream on an open wound... But I might tbe mistaken about this.

[muma3]

that is so weird . when i left earlier i went out to tesco with dp and brought a box and filled it with loads of goodies.
it was just a plastic storage box that can be reused so i thought it would come in handy . in it was;

for mum

1. box of thorntons choccies
   
2. some body sprays.
   
3. face masks.
   cranberry juice ( dilutes wee so it doesnt sting after epi)
   
4. some arnica cream to heal her poor lady bits
   
   for dad
   
   1 some englands pint glasses
   
5. NO 1 DAD slippers with homer simpson on (Soooooooooo him )
   
   for baby
   
   i have brought himloads already and dp restricted me to 1 outfit
   
   also i got them a really nice photo frame
   gift wrapped candles that smell like choccie and a small bottle of champagne
   
   i would love a box full of things like that so i hope they like it

[Uwila]

Gald you are feeling better. Maybe you should occupy yourself by going out and buying the lovely new baby a nice gift, and maybe one for your friend too. I bet she'd like a nice dinner out in a couple of weeks filled with all the things she couldn't eat before. I know I couldn't wait to dig into some sushi post birth.

[muma3]

just had a good covo on msn with him actually . i feel better now . he is so excited going to hospital now and i said send my love . told him i miss her and he said she said same told him id be here for him when things get tough and he needs a ear to listen and was very grateful and said he might have to take me up on that .

mum and baby fine and he said he cant wait to show ds off to us . will let us know when they get a free minute or 2 i made sure he knew that i understand family come first etc . he told me to stop worring and he is very glad we have been so interested . said us being there ws enough .
sorry if i have gone on

[tissy]

muma3, I'm inclined to agree with your dp, you're going a bit OTT about all this. I know that she is your best friend, and you're worried about her, but am emergency caesarean section isn't usually all that bad. She isn't about to die, and they seem to have plenty of family to help out. Your friend probably spent the last few weeks before her due date stocking the freezer (I did!). I expect her dh has booked paternity leave and a sister is going to help out...they don't need anyone to shop or cook for them. If they wanted your help, they have had plenty of opprtunity to ask for it. Similarly, when your friend wants to see you, I'm sure she will be on the phone.

I'd back off a bit, send a lovely congratulations card (you can include "Present for baby when I see you" or something) and leave it at that. No more phone calls or texts, until they ring you.

Many people need space and time to adjust to a new arrival, and your attention and concern for your friend may come over as trying to "muscle in" on their family time.

[Uwila]

Why don't you just call your friend (not her dp) and say hey I'm dying to meet the baby. When can I come visit? (then bring her arnica)

[muma3]

feel really useless . just spoke to b/f dp and asked him if he would like me to make some dinners for freezer or get some bits from supermarket. he said his sister is taking next week off work to be with her and that they have everything but thanks babe.

i miss her too

[sparklemagic]

I agree with wigwam, I think bonding depends on lots of things, not just the mode of delivery.

I had a 'crash' CS which is one that is extremely urgent due to danger to baby or mum (my DS was in severe distress -and so was I after a 50 hour labour!) and I was knocked out with a general, so neither I nor my DH were there when DS was born; I was ill and exhausted afterwards but this did not affect my bonding with him one little bit!

However it did affect breastfeeding, what with being so ill and getting no actual help, I gave up; but what helped me so much was my mum's firm voice immediately coming back to me when I told her i had decided to give up; "oh, well done, good decision, I'm sure that's right". Bless her for that, I'm sure she DIDN'T think it was the best thing all round, but she was able to look at me and the reality for me at the time, and support my decision, which meant the world to me. She exclusively bf me and my bro when we were kids! What I think I'm getting at is that when a birth goes 'wrong' like this, you really need people to back you up and make you feel that you are doing things right.

Also it meant so much to me when people didn't just say congratulations or sorry to hear you had a bad time but said "WELL DONE"!! Some people who experience CS think they haven't really 'done' it so being told she's done well will bolster your friend I'm sure.

So the gist of it is, tell her well done, she's so clever to have produced this baby, and support her in her decisions EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT SURE SHE'S RIGHT....in her situation she will be doing her best and making the decisions that she has to iykwim.

[Uwila]

muma3, your friend might not be bothered about the section. But, her abs will bloody hurt when she tries to sit up. So, when you see her, try to assist her in going from lying on her back to sitting up. Oh, I know. Bring her lots of arnica. Get the strong stuff. It helps with healing.

But, I definately think you should go in with a happy congratulartory message. Tell her what a fab job she did. And tell her what a beautiful child she has. She probably much happier about not being pregnant anymore than she is unhappy about missing delivery.

However, if she expresses that she is unhappy, then listen and be sypathetic. But, sometimes when everyone around expects you to be unhappy about the experience their comments actually cause you to be unhappy about. So, I guess just let her lead the tone of the conversation.

My first aby was a crash section under GA. And I tell ya when they said they were knocking me out, I was positively delighted.

[WigWamBam]

A section was the last thing in the world I wanted but you get to the stage where the most important thing is to get the baby out, and the safest way for me and my dd was an emergency section. If she is anything like me, she eill be less concerned about how her baby was delivered than about it being healthy and safe. Some people do get hung up on how their baby was delivered, but from what I've seen on MN and elsewhere, most people don't.

I didn't bond immediately with my baby, but I honestly don't think the section had anything to do with that - I think it would have been that way regardless of the way she was delivered. I held her and fed her pretty soon after delivery (although I can't remember doing it - which is the only regret I have about my section), and once we got the hang of breast-feeding it was fine ... and we did it for 2 years, so the section certainly didn't do any harm there!

Don't worry too much about how you think she might be feeling; the chances are she won't be unhappy about how things have turned out. If you had asked me when I was pregnant if I would have been happy with a section I would have said no, but when it's happening you just go with the flow - you have no choice, and as I said it was the only safe option for me and my baby. The section itself was actually far more pleasant than the 24 hours of labour preceeding it had been - it was more calm and relaxed than you would ever imagine it possible to be, the staff were wonderful, and although I was frightened to start with they really put me at ease.

Sections are not bad things, even for someone who thought she was dead against having one (and by that I mean me!). Please don't worry about her; she will be fine.

[muma3]

thanks tessiebear needed to hear that

[Tessiebear]

I am a mum of three who had 3 normal deliveries and felt exactly the same when my sister had a very scary emergency section - her DD is the happiest baby in the world and they had no bonding problems whatsoever. The first day was a bit of a blur for her - but then isnt it for most of us??

[muma3]

and again vitomum

[muma3]

its really not that i pity her . its got nothing to do with her not having a birth as good as mine . i havent had a c/s so i cant imagine what she is going throguh . i do feel dissappointed for her as i know she was dead against it (unless it was last resort which is what ended up happening)
i really just wanted reassuring that emergency c/s can happen and not be as bad as im imagining it to be . i just wanted good c/s stories. i never said she wont bond or be able to breastfeed i just asked as i know there is a risk that having a c/s can interfere and again i just wanted positive experiences to put my mind at rest . i dont really care how she gave birth as long as she is happy but i fear she wouldnt of been . like i said she prob resting now and is falling in love with her ds as we speak .

[intergalacticwalrus]

I had an emergency CS after 18 hours of labour and nearly losing DS. It was a very scary time, but it didn't affect how I bonded with him at all, and I managed to bf for 15 months, so no detrimantal effects there.

However, as my delivery was traumatic, I did suffer from PND. I found that talking about the delivery etc and finding out the reasons for the emergency CS really helped, although I didn't do this until 8 months after the birth. Encourage tour friend to talk about it, and let her know that it doesn't make her any less of a mother for having a CS. I came to realise after the initial isappointment that the main thing was that both me and DS were safe and well, and that's all thet matters in the long run. Just be aware that woman who have emergency CSs are at higher risk of developing PND, so make sure you look after her!

BTW, it can't have been that bad, as I am due to have another CS in September, 21 months after I had my first!

[vitomum]

cros posted with you muma3 x

[vitomum]

i think the key thing is not to presume anything about her experience - just keep giving her the opportunity to talk. Until you do that you won't know what she is going through. you may be worroed that she is not bonding but she may not at all. Keep an open mind and just be there for her. I had a traumatic labour but bobded and breastfed fine. I would have hated to have someone pitying me just because i had not had such a good experience as them.

[muma3]

thanks for everyones opinions . i hope that she is coming to terms with it all now and is getting some rest . her dp told me she was really panicking whilst being pushed down to theatre and i know from the last few months that she was not happy about the thought of a c/s . im not anti c/s but i know its something she was worried about and felt very strongly about too .

i feel helpless. she has a sister and her dp has 2 sis and between the siblings and 2 sets of parents im sure they have things covered like meals in frezzer etc. i just want to help but i cant .
when i do get to in a week or so then im not intending on letting her know how much i have been worring or how bad a c/s is . thats by far the worse thing i could do and im aware she will talk about it in her own time . im all ears and am curious . i just hope that she can be happy and not too dissappointed about how things turned out and im sure she will be to loved up with her ds that she wont even remember how scared she was .

if i hear from them then i will tell her not to drink fizzy pop and to get big knickers

thanks all
love physco friend

[ellceeell]

First of all, you are a good friend wanting to help - not a psycho stalker!
I had an emergency c/s 4 years ago. It didn't seem a big deal at the time and I bonded well with dd2 but a couple of months later I really wanted to talk about it and find out what I had missed (I had a general anesthetic). Luckily my husband was happy to hear me going on and on and so was my best friend. I didn't want them to try and make me feel better, I just wanted them to listen.
The hospital were very good too. A midwife went through my notes with me and arranged for the anethetist to come and talk to me while I was in the hospital but they said I could ring later and do it again if I felt I hadn't taken it all in. Your friend might like to find out if her hospital offers something similar.