Does religion help with fear of life, dying and death?

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I'm in my 50's and for as long as I can recall I have feared life, living, dying and death.

I'm talking from young childhood, I would lay in bed a night thinking and thinking, without any answers and would cry from my fear of the enormity of life. No idea why. I've had no childhood traumas and had a lovely childhood.

I was diagnosed ND last year, not sure if this makes me more prone to these thought processes but I simply can not compartmentalize life in the way others do. I over think everything.

I went to a CofE school with the church nearby and all events and celebrations were held in our village church. The village I still live in. I probably saw myself as (non-practicing) Christian most of my life until my 4 year old niece died from a brain tumour 15 years ago. I gave up on praying and believing, it felt wrong somehow.

Although I have a lovely life with a great dh, beautiful DC, family and friends I have always felt something is missing which may contribute to my fear of life? I don't know but could that be religion?

I am always drawn to more spiritual religions and beliefs and have wondered if Buddhism or something similar may be a better fit for me. I often ponder if it would help guide me to peace of mind and a more relaxed feeling towards life, living and death?

Does anyone find having a religion, whatever that means to you offers you some kind of peace, a feeling of being free from fears from the enormity of simply living?

Just something that I ponder now I'm past middle age and head towards my later years.

What is is about life and living that consumes you so much?

I usually see people focused on death.

I was brought up Catholic but I’m now very much an atheist, definitely ND!

Probably not the person for this conversation at all 😅 hopefully me commenting will bump it for you.
I do worry about falling ill since both my parents died in the last 2 years, but mostly I think that we live and then we die- and we have to make the most of it. When we die I think it’s much like before we were born, I don’t remember anything before / during that and I figure it will be the same when I die.

Just got to enjoy what you have right now instead of worrying about what might happen, or what’s to come etc

I sometimes wish I could be more spiritual etc but my brain will not allow it!

I'm not religious but always been spiritually minded and yes, it is a huge comfort to me and I don't fear life or death because of that.

Buddhism imo is a great option because it deals a lot with fear. Pema Chodron is a great read or there are a lot of you tube videos you can watch. Buddhism is also about living in the present moment and realising we are all interconnected and part of life. Everything is temporary and will pass away as it's the nature of life, but embracing that and knowing ourselves as part of that can bring peace.

It is largely about allowing and then letting go of thoughts and emotions and knowing who we are is deeper than them.

You might find Buddhist meditations helpful too. Try the insight timer app.

Buddhism encompasses many different belief systems so in terms of God afterlife etc you can find your own path. It isn't a religion but a philosophy.

I am Jewish. Raised semi-orthodox , semi-practicing now. I have no fear of death itself. Perhaps because Judaism does not emphasise any afterlife, neither for punishment (hell) not for reward (heaven). It’s what you do in this life that matters, and reward/punishment come in this life, either to you or to your descendants. I don’t know how much I believe, but it doesn’t matter. I simply try to live as a decent person. Though other Jews do fear death. But not, I think, the afterlife. Just the ending, the unknown. For me, death is simply an ending. The process of dying is the unknown - that’s the bit I fear.

Life, on the other hand, is a different matter entirely. Much harder work than death.

If you fear one then I can understand fearing the other, especially if you are ND. Too many unknowns, too many possibilities. At least with life you can influence outcomes, but death is entirely out of your control.

I can imagine that if you believe in an afterlife, particularly one that is consequential to your deeds while living, then that could give you comfort. You could orient your life towards positive outcomes. Ultimately, you could end up being what most people would describe as a good person, regardless of faith.

Does religion help with fear of life, dying and death?

I have a strong Christian Faith. My answer to your questions is summed up in the Stuart Townsend song https://www.stuarttownend.co.uk/song/in-christ-alone/

… No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me; From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny …

Thank you!

I think it’s just the fear of all that could go wrong. Even though I have had that fear since childhood I suppose it lessened during my teens and twenties but came back with a vengeance when I had kids in my 30’s, then witnessing my poor little niece succumb to a cancerous brain tumour and now dealing with my own mother’s very long journey with Alzheimer’s and all the horror which comes from that.

I also have my own health issues and face some surgery soon. I do try to enjoy life but bubbling in the background is always this fear and anticipation that something awful could go wrong/strike at any time and that always leaves me on edge.

I’ve had years of endless counselling etc but it’s never helped me ease that feeling. I just wonder if religion of any kind helps people feel more at ease with life and death?

I think that’s why I’m always drawn to Buddhism more than any other religious group, it seems to align with the things I feel I may possibly need in my life.

Thank you, I will have a look at books by Pema Chodron.

Too many unknowns, too many possibilities

Yes, that’s often the fear I feel, my mind works over time, the majority of the time and the unknowns of life leave me with more questions than answers and I’ve often wondered if religion answers those questions? Not sure if I will ever find that out. Maybe, who knows.

I just need to find the off switch to my brain really lol!

Yes. There's something about the eternal nature of God that I find hugely comforting. We live, we die, things change, God stays the same.

But if you find the enormity of life overwhelming then thinking of the vastness of God might not help you any

I agree!

I went to a Catholic school from 4 to 19 and was baptised as a child. I am a Christian and developed my faith more myself at 16 down to personal choice.

At 50 in 2023 I was sent to end of life care and I was given weeks to live. I prepared to die. I have my notes from there and it said I was in expected days within death at one point. I made my peace and was not fearful, but things turned around and I came out so I have been through it before.

For me, I think that I have to go for a judgement and being a Christian doesn't automatically mean I will get eternal life. Jesus said some of you he will say he didn't know you who were Christian. The judgement is with them. One thing my faith helps is I know I will get a fair judgement and that is good.

I get worried a bit at times about some people where they stand faith wise who mean a lot to me.

I am grateful for what they have done on earth in my life and especially through the Holy Spirit which is the promised comforter Jesus said he will give us.

Christianity too has a spiritual side through the Holy Spirit and you are meant to walk with them and develop your faith through them.

Btw, I am diagnosed with autism and there is research that those who are autistic may have more spiritual experiences than neurotypical people. Theory of mind is also somewhat outdated.

100% atheist. Life is for living - enjoy it. Life is good. Death comes to us all at some point - the end is the same for everyone. Don’t worry or think about it.

The University of Aberdeen does research on neurodiversity and spirituality/theology. This is a link to the website-
https://www.abdn.ac.uk/dhpa/research/centres/centre-for-autism-and-theology/research-projects/

They also have a video on Buddhism and Islam on Youtube-

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I don't know what neurodiversity you have-but this article found that the autistic people had increased sensory supernatural experiences-
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/2153599X.2018.1548374

This article was similar in its findings-
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10453845/

@Justmerach For me, I think that I have to go for a judgement and being a Christian doesn't automatically mean I will get eternal life.

Although I understand Roman Catholicism teaches otherwise, the Bible tells me that all those who are born again in Spirit and Truth; who are disciples of Jesus Christ go immediately and automatically go to heaven when they die. Confessed and repented sins have already been forgiven through Christ’s sacrifice. (2 Cor 5:8; Luke 23:39-43). The heavenly Bema Seat is not for further judgement of Christians’ sins, but to award our ‘crowns’ according to how we account for ourselves. (2 Cor 5:10; John 5:22). Those of us who leave this earth in Christ have no fear of the Great White Throne of judgement. There is a discrete difference.

This is a separate subject, but I could not let it go with comments.

psychological speaking faith and the religious framework reduce uncertainty and the anxiety that causes.

For me it does help enormously.

What do you think of these scriptures?

(Matthew 7:21-23)
" Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity"

(Revelation 2)
"Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write; These things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks; I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:
And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent."

(Matthew 7:13-14)
"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."

(1 Corinthians 6)
"Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?"

As an atheist, I’ve no fear - I’ve nothing to be scared of.

I think believing that death is not just the end and that you go on somewhere and see loved ones, can only be a wonderful comfort.

I have no belief at all in any of that despite being raised catholic. I think (know) you die and rot in a grave or get cremated.

Despite this, I don’t fear death. I’m not looking forward to it, but I can cope with the great nothing reality.

I don’t fear death as it will be just like falling asleep albeit forever . I fear being buried or cremated and knowing about it on some level . Silly I know but that’s what I fear .

I think it is a comfort, yes. Anything that brings you peace.

I was brought up by Christian missionaries but would not consider myself overly religious these days. I had a bit of a brush with death in 2015 (kidney failure) and the hospital chaplain brought me a holding cross and a card with a religious poem and picture of a garden - these helped me.

However - I was again in hospital in 2020 (not-Covid-related) and had a very sudden and severe allergic reaction to something in the drip I'd been given. Fortunately the doctors and consultants were still doing their ward rounds. I had to be "brought back" with CPR, adrenaline and defibrillator paddles. The early stages were frightening, I'll not lie, but at the end, there was an overwhelming sense of peace. I remember clearly thinking "oh, this is it!" and a sense of mild annoyance that it wasn't like you see on TV, but my end (fortunately postponed, as it turned out) was one of being surrounded by shouting, injections, shocks, nurses shouting out the strengths and times of administrations, etc. But what I can say to you with absolute certainty is: there is nothing to be afraid of. I say that sincerely and honestly. In the last moments there is no fear.

Best wishes to you. xx

As a Jew, I’ve no fear - I’ve nothing to be scared of .

The off-switch to your brain - yes, that’s it exactly. Because what’s going on in your head is not existential, it is rumination. The engrossing rituals of faith, whether it’s Buddhist chanting or Christian ritual, can redirect your mind away from rumination. Similarly to mindfulness meditation, you can replace the anxiety induced by rumination with the peacefulness of acceptance of the Now. Added to this is the opportunity to embed yourself in a supportive community.

But religion may also come with burdens, introducing new guilts and anxieties, so go carefully in your exploration - mix a healthy dose of scepticism with your open-mindedness.

Or join a choir, it can have a similar effect.

No one has anything to be scared of - unfortunately some people are - don’t know why.

Because we’re humans.

I’m a hospice nurse and broadly speaking the devout I have nursed whilst dying have died in spiritual peace, not in fear. However like all patients they are not necessarily without the symptoms of death.