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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

Want to leave my church WhatsApp group...rose tinted glasses are off!

43 replies

Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:19

I'm on my church's WhatsApp group...and hate it. I'm seeing people completely differently now I'm reading their daily posts as opposed to only seeing them in church once a week.

It's very cliquey, I feel invisible and they're hostile and judgemental about those that don't do the blooming clapping for the NHS ...while spending the week recounting tales where lockdown rules are clearly being flouted (eg going to 4 different supermarkets in one day to get full alcohol allowance in each!)

Just disappointed, I expected better , they're so holier than thou, feel like I don't want to go back to church when they reopen.

My rose tinted glasses are well and truely off.

OP posts:
georgialondon · 16/04/2020 23:22

Supermarkets have alcohol allowances ????

loutypips · 16/04/2020 23:23

There's an alcohol allowance???

emptyplinth · 16/04/2020 23:26

Leave the group.
You don't have to go back to the church. Now's a good time to make a clean break.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:28

Yes 3 bottles of wine at one point apparently...

OP posts:
kingofkings · 16/04/2020 23:28

I left my church WhatsApp group just because I got fed up with constant messages and the rather annoying endless prayer signs.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:33

Thanks for your reply emptyplinth, in any other area of my life I wouldn't give it a second thought , I'd just leave...not sure why I'm finding (of taking it) so hard.

OP posts:
Catworrier · 16/04/2020 23:34

You could mute it and then archive the chat? It's as good as leaving but I don't think it states you have left the group

BackforGood · 16/04/2020 23:34

I love what the first 2 posters took from the OP's opening post Grin

If the group are annoying you then leave the Group. It's not difficult.

Someone started a group for everyone in our wider Team at work - I muted it, as I can't believe the wittering that goes on in there. OTOH, someone started a WhatsApp Group for our road, and I have loved geting to know people up and down our road, through that.

Some groups work, others don't. There is no need to be a martyr if you aren't getting anything out of it.

If you have decided you don't want to go to this Church any more, then once Churches are allowed to meet again will be a good time to try out some new ones until you find one you are more comfortable in.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:35

Did you just leave or let them know you where leaving? There are so many messages every day , jostling to win favour with the vicar or say something more worthy than the last...or maybe I'm just very unchristian.

OP posts:
jessyjo2 · 16/04/2020 23:36

Could you just mute the group and ignore it until u decide down the line what you want to do. But I would say when the time comes try another church, certainly dont give up on church altogether.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:38

I haven't really been in a group before, I thought that just leaving might seem rude 😁

OP posts:
LavenderLilacTree · 16/04/2020 23:39

Just want to point out that you don't have to be perfect to go to church and most people aren't. I know I'm not. I try to be a good Christian but mostly I fail. I keep trying though.
People are also very stressed at the moment and it's not always bringing out the best in people.
Leave the group.

BackforGood · 16/04/2020 23:40

One group (with work) I muted - I initially thought there might be the odd interesting thing to pick up if I skimmed back through in my own time.

Another Group - that a friend seemed to have set up with all her phone contacts - I just left. Lots of others had done so before I even saw it. It's fine - it's an invitation, which you can take up or not.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:43

I've got it on mute already, I'll just have to stop reading the messages...though delete feels the better option.

I won't give up on church Jessy .

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:45

Thank you for all the replies, good food for thought, feel a lot better for getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
midwesteaster · 16/04/2020 23:49

I'm a committed atheist but grew up in a church family, people who go to church are no better or worse than the rest of society.
You will find exactly the same range of people there as you would in any other grouping, the gossips, the mini dictators, the drama lamas, the quietly kind and the loudly sanctimonious.
Don't have higher expectations of these people than you would of people in any other kind of club.

Original poster
Charliebong · 16/04/2020 23:50

Good advice Midwest thank you.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 16/04/2020 23:58

Apologise profusely and explain politely that you no longer have time for WhatsApp etc as you are dedicating your time to helping your community in a constructive way.
What church group could find fault with that?

slipperywhensparticus · 17/04/2020 00:02

My sister is a church goer she is also a hypocrite the two arnt mutually exclusive personally I would leave the group

Faith is a personal choice but sometimes people with faith dont bare close scrutiny

Madhairday · 17/04/2020 08:40

It sounds a bit annoying OP. It's such a shame. Please know not all church groups are like this. The online church groups I'm in are incredibly supportive, funny, loving and compassionate. And flawed - we're just human. But good is out there. Keep persevering in faith, but maybe it's time to look around elsewhere if you feel it is not a fit for you Flowers

Original poster
Charliebong · 17/04/2020 09:02

Sam I can see you understand my situation perfectly, thanks that sounds like a way out.

Slippery, yes I'm not perfect by any means but their thoughtlessness and judgemental attitude has really disappointed me.

Madhairday thank you for your reply, seems that fun, compassion and support are only on offer if you hold the same opinions of the louder voices of the group.

Everyone's comments are appreciated and have made me think that maybe I've expected too much, we're all people muddling along at this difficult time...but neither should I feel obliged to stay on the group if it's negatively affecting me. It's good to get other points of view.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 17/04/2020 09:05

Leave the group but tell them why. Hopefully they will then realise their behaviour is not acceptable.

Love51 · 17/04/2020 09:10

Churches can't kick people out. So you may find a higher than average number of annoying people there, because people wouldn't be accepted in other parts of society. Plus the language can be a bit grating if it isn't your preferred or natural speech (or texting) pattern. You can't change them, so accept or leave!

nopenothappening · 17/04/2020 09:14

Given that nothing you've described in their judgemental behaviour is anything my family and I - across 3 generations - haven't previously experienced multiple times over with groups of people from churches, I don't think you can excuse it as being caused by the stress of the situation.

You've just never been exposed before to what they're really like about people they consider beneath them.

I'm sorry you found out this way at a time when it must feel even more disheartening than usual.

rootsonshow · 17/04/2020 09:14

The vicar won't be daft he will know what they are doing to gain favour. I would just leave the group if they are dragging you down

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