Want to leave my church WhatsApp group...rose tinted glasses are off!

[Charliebong]

I'm on my church's WhatsApp group...and hate it. I'm seeing people completely differently now I'm reading their daily posts as opposed to only seeing them in church once a week.

It's very cliquey, I feel invisible and they're hostile and judgemental about those that don't do the blooming clapping for the NHS ...while spending the week recounting tales where lockdown rules are clearly being flouted (eg going to 4 different supermarkets in one day to get full alcohol allowance in each!)

Just disappointed, I expected better , they're so holier than thou, feel like I don't want to go back to church when they reopen.

My rose tinted glasses are well and truely off.

I muted mine for a month. Ours isn't as bad as yours by the sound of it, but I was getting a bit sick of the "I'm all alone"and it's ok for you, you have a garden. you must all pay me attention attitude of some of the people. These are all healthy people in their 30s, yet those who are shielding or very elderly including my 96 year old grandmother are nothing but positive.
I log in to our prayer meeting on zoom once a day.
I've also found that those who are usually the first to boast about all the charitable deeds they do, aren't doing anything to help anyone else.

If you leave you’re made a point. They will thrive on the gossip that your action generates. Sounds like that would get in your head and you’d worry about that.

Mute then archive the conversation. Same thing but no drama generated.

Church goers are people the same as everyone else. Some are good - some not so good.
In large churches, there is often a subsidery group(s), maybe called a house group or similar and you do not say how many are in this Whatsapp group, whether the whole church, or a smaller group within the church body.
You can leave or block the whatsapp Group, or ignore, or leave.
This is separate from the church itself.
Does your priest/minister have zoom services? You may still find these of benefit.
Or you may find this church is not for you.

The chances are that there are a few very active people in the whatsapp group and a lot of others who are more quiet. I know what you mean about some people setting the tone. You often see it on here where someone puts up an initial post and the tone of the next few people to post can set the tone for the whole thread, especially if someone posts in AIBU. There will be many others who read the thread who decide to not post. It's probably the same with the whatsapp group and there are some people who are more like you. Does your church do zoom meetings? After we've had services or prayer group meetings by zoom we divide into break up rooms which can be a nice way to chat to people I don't normally speak to. It isn't cliquey either because people are put into random groups.

Well I've left and feel like a massive weight has been lifted... ridiculous to be so affected but I was. Nopeno I think you've hit the nail on the head and your post made me feel quite relieved that someone else sees it the way I do.

Parker I applaud your optimism in their self awarenesses 😁

Love51 you could be on to something...and your post made me smile , whether you intended to or not☺️

People are quite annoying.

Atalune, yes me leaving will give them something new to talk about.

Milvey, there are around 40 people on there, it's for anyone who attends to access (past or present).

Applesandpears , exactly! Out of 40 , 10 make the "main" posts and another 15 join in. One lady was saying she couldn't get a delivery slot , no one offered any practical advice so I said I'd get her some shopping. Not one person acknowledged me....not one. The lady came back several hours later specifically naming others who'd been concerned to say "I'm sorted now Brenda/June/Barbara..." (not real names) ....no nod to me!

I actually stopped volunteering at my local weekend soup kitchen for similar reasons. Though the soup kitchen isn't officially funded/organised by a church, a local church is the primary source of funding for the soup kitchen (other than the council) so about half the volunteers are from the church. A couple of the church volunteers were so incredibly judgemental about all the clients that I ended up leaving after a few years as I couldn't tolerate being on the rota with them any longer (I should add, they weren't judgemental to the face of the clients - if that had been the case then I would have made a formal complaint!). They also didn't actually do very much while they were in (because they spent so much time making nasty comments about the clients!)

Ooh this sounds so similar to my church FB group OP. I thought it was just me being uncharitable!

I've muted it for now as couldn't stand the self satisfied smugness any more. I do think pp is right, they've always been like this but I hadn't noticed much til now. It's been quite nauseating to be honest.

The final straw was watching the first live stream after gatherings stopped. The leader kicked off her talk by saying we were now equal to countries where illness and death were a daily reality proper fire and brimstone stuff.. I thought how supportive and encouraging is that?! Mental.

OP I've also experience the silence after I've offered to help someone and then the posting tagging a bunch of people except me! Clearly they all message privately and I'm not in the inner circle..

You just think, you clearly forgot other people are in this group not just your besties! Rude!

Pink and pippa your posts have made me feel so much better because you do go through stages of thinking "is it me?!" I can see we've had similar thoughts and that's quite comforting ☺️

Scrapthat...true story! I'm sure someone out there is shaking their head at that bloomin charliebong 😁

I disliked my church WhatsApp group for slightly different reasons- they obviously pray fir peoples welfare and also for healing and it was a stream of endless prayer requests. Ii as a HCP found it all a bit too much and hated running the risk of lack of confidentiality and being ' owned ' by them all as a local doctor. All too much and I left. For the the second time. When you leave it announces it ' King has left the group' ...

As MadHairDay said, sorry you've been put off by this group.
My church group is extremely comforting and helpful. And also good fun.
Hope you find another group OP.

Thank you both , I wasn't sure what reaction I would get to my post but the understanding and supportive comments have really helped me get some perspective.

And the people in my church are lovely and I still go and still join in study but the prayer app just wasn't for me - it magnified certain aspects of the church faith I am less comfortable with and made me feel exposed and uncomfortable especially wrt healing and work etc

So call them out on it. If they are breaking lockdown, mention it.

Also, i'm not in favour of the clapping. Have you considered becoming catholic?! We will have you!!

I guess I need to ask are you a born again Christian? If yes and Jesus is your Lord and Saviour, you may need to remember that none of us are perfect and we are called to love our brothers and sisters as we love ourselves. I always ask what would Jesus do in this situation? I have to add could it be your own expectations about them that's causing the issue? I think this is a minor issue in light of everything happening in the world. Why not correct them in love and bless them and move on if the Holy Spirit is guiding you to do so.