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Original poster

Can't have who I want as godparents as they aren't my religion....

27 replies

karen99 · 16/09/2004 13:10

Hi all, I'm hoping for some advice please. We are hoping to get our ds baptised this autumn, however, after speaking with the Reverend she said that the godparents must have been baptised themselves. With many of our close friends coming from a different background to ours it's been very difficult to find someone to fill this role and we have resulted in choosing our own siblings (ds' aunt and uncles) as godparents, solely as they have been christened/baptised. We feel they will already be a big part of ds' life and we really wanted two of our closest friends to be 'godparents' even though one has been christened and the other a buddhist. We wanted someone beyond family to fill this role.

Is there another type of ceremony (religious or not religious) that we can hold (aswell as the baptism) to show them how much we'd like them to be part of ds' life? Any advice on this would be appreciated.

OP posts:
wobblyknicks · 16/09/2004 13:12

Haven't got much advice but would a naming ceremony be any good? Sort of like a christening without the actual christening bit.

CountessDracula · 16/09/2004 13:13

We just had a party. We called it "DD's Celebration Lunch". Not religious and neither were any godparents. It was lovley

NomDePlume · 16/09/2004 13:14

You could have a naming ceremony which is a completely non-religious form of a Christening. I've been asked to be Sponsor (equiv of godparent) to a good friend's son in November. I think she got an officiant from the Humanist Association ? Google 'naming ceremony' and see what happens.

vict17 · 16/09/2004 13:14

I'm not sure about the answer to your question. But I know that the traditional role of godparent, as well as spiritual guidance in the chosen religion for your child, is to look after your children in the event of you or your partner's death. So whoever you would like to do this you could just ask them whoch is what we're going to do. I personally won't be getting ds baptized as I'd rather he chose his own religion himself when he's old enough (or so he can choose to opt out if he wants too!)

Geordie · 16/09/2004 13:16

hi there,

would the vicar not even consider a role for some specific 'supporters'?? That way you could have godparents and named supporters.

Other than that you could just have a thanksgiving service or manybe a naming ceremony...CAT me if you wnat any details I can email you some nice bits and pieces you could use......

hth

Geordie

Galaxy · 16/09/2004 13:18

message withdrawn

Original poster
karen99 · 16/09/2004 13:20

Thanks all for the replies..

I will look up 'naming ceremony' to see if that fits.. we really would like these two people to be there for ds if he should need them. Sometimes you just want someone outside of the family to talk to. If anything happened to us it's already been decided (via will) which aunt/uncle will look after ds. As for spiritual guidance.. none of our siblings are particularly religious so that sort of makes a farce out of the whole thing ifkwim.

OP posts:
lydialemon · 16/09/2004 13:21

Could you not try to reach a compromise with your priest/vicar (sorry!)

Mine have been christened Greek Orthodox, and they have the same stipulation - that the GP must be christened GO. However, our priest allowed us to have one nonGO godparent, providing its the GO one who does the ceremony.

For DDs christening in August we had a close friend (who is English but christened GO for her wedding) and my brother who is (sort of!) C of E. BF had the bulk of the ceremony to do, but my brother was allowed to do odd bits and was even allowed to sign the baptism certificate, under BFs signiture. My brother isn't christened, but we just didn't tell the priest and he never asked....!

Geordie · 16/09/2004 13:22

I agree that you should try another church- however very few Church of England vicars will opt out of the Godparents need to be baptised rule- it is a rule (legal requirement). However a few do turn a blind eye and not check it out etc...the godfather of my god daughter is not baptised.

The dedication service is lovely you can download it from the interent to have a look too...www.cofe.anglican.org/commonworship/resources/indexrtf.html look for the link to 'thanksgiving for the gift of a child!

G

Geordie · 16/09/2004 13:23

I agree that you should try another church- however very few Church of England vicars will opt out of the Godparents need to be baptised rule- it is a rule (legal requirement). However a few do turn a blind eye and not check it out etc...the godfather of my god daughter is not baptised.

The dedication service is lovely you can download it from the interent to have a look too...www.cofe.anglican.org/commonworship/resources/indexrtf.html look for the link to 'thanksgiving for the gift of a child!

G

Geordie · 16/09/2004 13:25

I agree that you should try another church- however very few Church of England vicars will opt out of the Godparents need to be baptised rule- it is a rule (legal requirement). However a few do turn a blind eye and not check it out etc...the godfather of my god daughter is not baptised.

The dedication service is lovely you can download it from the interent to have a look too...
service look for the link to 'thanksgiving for the gift of a child!

G

Geordie · 16/09/2004 13:26

whoops sorry for the bad posts...new to mumsnet

Original poster
karen99 · 16/09/2004 13:30

We too, Galaxy, wanted to choose these friends for similar reasons as your dh was. What was the ceremony like at age 14? (the same as if given as a baby?)

Geordie, most of my family are part of the congregational church which is now United Reformed. We are not big church goers but do attend occasionally. How does the 'dedication' service differ to a baptism? (I will take a look at the link in a mo) Our Rvnd did say it 'was a rule' too.

OP posts:
Galaxy · 16/09/2004 13:47

message withdrawn

aloha · 16/09/2004 14:12

I'm not religious but really liked the idea of ds having special people in his life outside his family, so had a humanist ceremony, but otherwise I think CD's idea is lovely. I also think you can say, these are ds's Godparents and they can refer to themselves as such without having to be 'official', after all it has no legal status.

gump · 16/09/2004 14:15

Really did the REv say that? They never even asked us about the godparents being baptised.

Infact my sister was my daughters godmother and she had to be admitted to hospital on the morning of the christening so wasnt there. He just out her as godmother 'in proxy'

maybe he was just laid back?! mind you he was like a one man band as he played the piano for the hymmns aswell. he was funny

Gem13 · 16/09/2004 14:19

Ask your local Registry Office if they do Naming Ceremonies.

Ours does and we held one for DS and DD will have one next month.

You get to choose all of the promises you (the parents) and the 'supporting adults' make and there are a couple of readings (again, you choose) and you can talk about the child's name.

We didn't want a Christening but wanted to have an official welcome for the children and recognise our friends' involvement in our children's lives.

HTH

Hulababy · 16/09/2004 14:20

We had DD baptised Catholic. DH is catholic, I am CoE. We had 4 godparents, all were baptised, but only one was atholic. The priest didn't mind at all, and I actually can't remember him even asking about it at all.

miranda2 · 16/09/2004 14:21

Hiya! I'm a rev myself, and while it is true that godparents are meant to be baptised (not a lot of point in saying you'll help someone else grow up in something you aren't in yourself is the idea), you can also have 'sponsors' which are godparents in all but name. So I'd just tell the rev you're having 3 or 4 sponsors as well as the official godparents, and just call them all godparents among yourselves. HOpe this helps!

Geordie · 16/09/2004 14:21

Hi Karen...think someone answered your question. It is like a baptism but without the actual baptism..thanking for the gift of new life and praying for the future..without the water basically!!

Been thinking...and another way to make the importance of people who the vicar won't recognise as godparents...(but obviously you do and will continue to do so)....might be to have them do something in the service...like read a peom etc. Most vicars will love a family that come with peoms and readings (at least one bible reading - again a rule for c o e) and music etc they will also not impose requirements on who does those things!

Anyway- there are less rigid rules around dedication and naming etc...which should mean you can make the whole expereince more 'your own'.

You could also make your own certificates for the people you see as playing the role of a godparent....just because the church won't recognise them deosn't mean they don't exsist!!

Churches can be soooo stupid sometimes- at least you have chosen people for their potential relationship rather than tradition or expectation. Hope you find a way through all of this!!

Geordie

Original poster
karen99 · 16/09/2004 20:15

Hi All, thanks so much for all the replies. They have been really helpful. We would like to continue with the baptism, and with miranda2's input about the possibility of sponsors aswell as GP as part of the religious ceremony that might actually be the solution.

If anyone is still about, one further question about the dedication service, does that mean our ds will have joined the faith or just have been blessed? Would he still be able to get married in the church later on (if he wanted to) if only a dedication ceremony was performed?

OP posts:
TraceyP · 16/09/2004 21:38

In certain demoninations a dedication ceremony performed on a baby brings the child into the congregatation, but in order for the child to remain a member of the faith he would need to be baptised when he was of age to decide for himself, usually from early teens. Following full baptism he would then be able to marry in that church if he chose to.

Original poster
karen99 · 16/09/2004 21:57

Hi TraceyP, that's exactly what I'm after

Just found this site which has also helped answer a few questions. Just thought I'd post it for anyone who's interested.

OP posts:
Geordie · 16/09/2004 22:00

In the c o e...you are asked if you are baptised...and it is prefered but it does not stop you getting married. As far as I know!!

Ghosty · 16/09/2004 22:40

I am not baptised and was married in a C of E Church and am a godparent to two children baptised in the C of E church. The vicar that married us knew and didn't mind and the other two vicars didn't even ask.

My friend's father was a bishop and I rang him to ask what the 'rules' were when I was first asked to be a godmother to my nephew. He told me that technically speaking a godparent should ideally be baptised but it was at the discretion of the vicar in question. Some vicars are strict about it and some aren't. In his own experience he felt it didn't matter if a godparent was baptised or not because the fact that parents wanted their children baptised in the first place was important and to shut the door to people who weren't 'in the club' was wrong and bad for the Church of England.