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Original poster

I suppose I am just very unhappy

29 replies

elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 22:52

Three years ago my brother killed himself, I understand why. I'm not saying I would - I absolutely wouldn't - but I 100% understand why he did it.

There is so very much wrong with my life I don't know where to start. I've made a mess out of it.

Can God help? Will He even want to?

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 23/06/2015 22:55

I'm sorry things seem so bleak and I'm desperately sorry about your brother. It seems to me a loss like that throws a bomb into your life. Have faith you're rebuilding - even if slowly.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 23/06/2015 23:00

I just don't think I am a very nice person.

I don't know why,I should be.

OP posts:
Notapassingphase · 23/06/2015 23:56

Elderflower lemonade, I'm so sorry about your brother, and sorry you are feeling so low. I'm only just beginning to trust God myself so I'm not the best person to talk to, but having read your post I had to say something. There are some really lovely people on this part of MN who have helped me a lot. I'm sure one of them will be along soon to offer some wiser words about God than I can manage.

I don't think people who are not very nice go round worrying that they are not very nice iyswim. The fact that you say that seems to show that in fact you are a kind and caring person.

Carmel206 · 24/06/2015 00:18

In probably one of the worst few months of my life I have been praying - I barely know how to but I have eventually found a kind of comfort.
Tonight , I am including you in my prayers. I am sorry you are unhappy and troubled.
I have found even the process of being able to ask for help and also for identifying a few things that I needed to say sorry for has helped me sort through my worries a bit and helped me gain some perspective.

I truly hope things will get easier for you

Tuo · 24/06/2015 00:38

ElderflowerLemonade: I'm so sorry for your loss. Three years is nothing, and it must all feel very raw still. Be kind to yourself: grief is powerful and debilitating. Have you had counselling to talk about what happened? Might it help?

I have experienced something similar to Carmel: that turning to God, however inadequately, however much I've felt that I have no right to ask God for anything - when things have been very tough has helped. It doesn't put everything right, and it doesn't make the problems go away, but it helps in the sense of making me feel less alone, better able to cope, more optimistic. And the beautiful thing about turning to God is that it's not about whether we are good or bad people; God loves and forgives and gives himself to us just the same. You feel that you have messed up and that you're not a nice person - but all of us, on some level or another, at some point (or many points) in our lives have messed up, we have all failed to treat others in the way we'd like to be treated, failed in generosity, failed in kindness... to mess up is human. But God's love (at least, this is what I believe) is not only there for those who have lived perfect lives, those who 'deserve' it, but rather is there - is there particularly - for those of us who are actually a bit rubbish. I don't know if this makes any sense to you, but I hope that it may help a bit.

Thinking of you.

Butterflywings168 · 24/06/2015 02:25

Sad Thanks Elderflower
I'm sorry.
I can relate.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 07:42

Thank you.

There's too much to go into here. It's easier to cover it up.

OP posts:
thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 24/06/2015 08:06

Grief can be a long journey so it could be worth talking to a counsellor who will be able to help you unpick some of these feelings. If you are feeling very low then please do speak to your doctor.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 08:14

Thank you but I have had counselling. It was helpful in some respects but I don't think it's ever really going to get through to whatever is inside of me.

I didn't really mean that I was grieving (which sounds ungrateful) but what I mean is, every day, I understand why my brother took his life. Every day I want to, or think about it, but know I can't.

In some ways I envy him that he had the choice.

OP posts:
thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 24/06/2015 11:38

elderflowerlemonde The lovely posters on this thread have said how prayer and faith has helped them and I can echo that.

Jesus in his ministry was concerned for those who were broken or seen as without value by his society - women, children, lepers, tax collectors so in God's eyes you are a precious and loved person. Faith does help and sometimes it is when it all goes wrong that people find themselves looking beyond themselves for answers but if you are thinking about suicide a lot then please talk to the Samaritans or your doctor.

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 24/06/2015 11:58

Hi elderflowerlemonade,

We're really sorry that you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

There are many organisations such as Anxiety UK, MIND and the Depression Allliance which may be able to give you some support - all the relevant numbers are included in our webguide.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, elderflower, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon. Flowers

Tuo · 24/06/2015 12:13

Really good advice from greenheart and Dawn, elderflower. Please do seek professional help. Thinking of you!

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 12:36

Thank you everyone. Sorry if I caused any concern but have been out all morning.

Can I just say I'm absolutely categorically not thinking of suicide - which frustrates me in a way as it would solve a lot of problems! But even if I were brave enough, I wouldn't.

I just wanted a 'Godly' outlook on basically being a shit excuse for a human being and thank you for that. I'm genuinely sorry if I caused any concern.

OP posts:
TTWK · 24/06/2015 13:30

Can God help?

In a placebo way, yes. You may think god is on your side and that may help you. But in a real sense, no, because god doesn't exist.

However, you are not alone, and there are loads of real people that can help you, councillors and the like. Start with your GP and take it from there.

Good luck.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 13:31

Why come on here and say that?

OP posts:
sunnyspot · 24/06/2015 19:37

Don t be upset by TTWK elderflower. He/she appears on most threads with the same comment.
I too pray that you will find comfort in knowing that God loves for you.

TTWK · 24/06/2015 20:56

Why come on here and say that?

Because you asked a question and I gave you an honest answer. You are free to ignore my advice, but I still think GP and counselling is the right way to go.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 20:57

Well thanks but I was hoping for slightly more 'spiritual' advice, hence why I posted here Smile

OP posts:
TTWK · 24/06/2015 21:18

Well while you're waiting for a spiritual answer, go and see your GP and get some counselling. That way you cover both routes to happiness.

Original poster
elderflowerlemonade · 24/06/2015 21:22

I don't want to do either of those things but thank you.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 24/06/2015 23:02

Nobody can know for sure whether or not there is a God or indeed anything metaphysical. But we can all nurture our spirituality regardless of our beliefs IMO by choosing to be around people and places conducive to encouraging us to find peace within ourselves.

IMO the fact that you are looking for a source of support is an excellent start. You are obviously open to developing yourself spiritually.

You're not a bad person you've just made poor choices, gone down roads that have been dead ends perhaps. But you undoubtedly have a lot to offer. Everyone does. I really believe that.

cheapskatemum · 24/06/2015 23:13

elderflowerlemonade God definitely wants to help you. He loves it when we talk to Him (pray) and are just really honest with him. We are all works in progress, not one of us is perfect. Once I started to have a relationship with God, I began to want to change for the better. Have you got a Bible, because I (and others, I know from experience) could show you where in the Bible it says these things? Praying for you, that you experience God's comfort during this bleak period in your life. It will pass, I promise!

TTWK · 25/06/2015 08:48

I don't want to do either of those things but thank you.

That's a shame. Even people who believe in god say "the Lord helps those who help themselves!"

springydaffs · 27/06/2015 00:24

I wish some ppl would just fuck off.

We're all fuckups elderflower - its those who don't know they are fuckups who are furthest away from God's extravagant kindness - no matter, he looks for a way to get his kindness to them too.

I don't know if you are a parent but if you are you know how much you ache when your children are struggling or hurting. Gods the same.

Ignore religion that insists we have to do this or that, be this or that, in order to get God's approval or kindness - it's the very opposite with God. Jesus loathed religion that taught we have to do this or that, not do this or that, to be acceptable - precisely bcs this teaching blotted out Gods true nature - which is love, pure and wide. God and religion are two different things - iyswim. Tell him you badly need him and he will leap to be with you. Sometimes, when things are too bad I can find it impossible to find the words and I kind of generally look in his direction. He understands that look and responds.

He loves you a lot and that love is entirely without judgement. Ime he is very close when you are broken.

TTWK · 27/06/2015 08:53

Springydaffs-I wish some ppl would just fuck off.

Well wouldn't you just know it. The first person to come on the thread and post vile language and insults is someone who god loves, apparently.

OP, take from that what you will. And genuine good luck in addressing your issues.

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