Anyone know how Woofa is?

[Iklboo]

There was a hilarious thread last month about poot Woofa losing his - erm - testiclays. Anyone know how he's getting along 'ohne seine Testikel'?

Iklboo - er ist zehr gut of you to ask after mein health and, more importantly, mein humungously large testicklen.

Ich bin doing okay really - das therapy halps, I find. Ich bin still too shit scared to go to sleep in case Ich wakes up und finds another vital piece of mein anatomy missing - again - but otherwise ist nicht so bad.

Das freaking owners took Ich back to ze Veterinarien Sturgeon for ein check up - das clown seemed happy to see zat ze balls were nicht there. Ein very botched job, imho. Nicht entirely sure vot zey were trying to achieve but das idiots clearly made a HUGE error - 2 actually. Ich bin going to sue their ass off, just as soon as Ich figures out how to telephone das 'Had an injury? Not your fault?' people.

Danke schon for zinking of ze hot Swiss love machine. Ich ist sending you ein big lick x

Woofa . Glad to hear you're recovering. I can't imagine the shock you had waking up finding you had a new ability to cross your back legs. Don't worry - I'm sure there's nothing else going to go missing.

Much love xx

Du hast put your finger right on it, Iklboo. Well, okay, two large navvies hands would have been needed, but du kenst vot Ich mean

Woofa, does your chin keep hitting the floor now you don't have your testicklen to balance you out? Poor woofa

MrsL - ze whole thing ist ein bitch, I tell you. Ein bitch.

Und not in a good way either

Look on the bright side - at least now you won't need to be scared of short dogs.

Ja, das ist zo true, Grimma.

Ze nasty little short arsed feckers canst no longer head butt ze Woofa in ze Apfel Strudels.

Because ze apfel strudels ist gone - gone!!!!

Ich should have known better zan to trust ze nurse at ze vets - vot wost her name again? Very Naughty?.

Somezing very odd about ein woman who puts her fingers up ze dogs bottoms for ein living, ja?

PMSL!! This is so funny

Obviously not funny for you Woofa

Should you ever be in ze unfortunate position of having had ze testiklen removed then please remind ze Woofa to come and laugh at you, Tulpe

Had zings turned out ein bischen differently I could have made your foxy little Vizsla a very happy girl in a few years time und you could have made ein mint selling ze Great Swizz Mizsla dogs, ja?

Well, if she's really PHSL then she may herself need some down under surgery and then she'll have a bit more empathy.

Ja, ist zo true, Grimma.

Ze Woofa may be impotent but Ich ist nicht imcontinent

Wo ist ze Minimu? Ich hast heard she canst do anyfink vif ze clickers. Let's zee if ze expert can click mein goolies back on, ja?

Thankfully no need for any down under surgery here. But Ruby is gutted that she isn't going to experience the Woofa Big Love

Woofa, darling - it's okay. I've spoken to Neuticles and they're going to make you up a pair. Clearly it's going to have to be a Special Order and they'll need to get an especially large consignment of raw materials in to do it, but they're confident that, once they've built a bigger factory, they'll be able to make them.

In the meantime, do you think the earrings would suit me?

$109!
I'd hope they really were the dog's bollocks for that price.

(Did you know that the typographical construct :- is known to printers as the dogs bollocks?)

That's very interesting, Grimma. I have a feeling you and I could talk bollocks all day

I love the description of the earrings on the website - 'ideal for any formal or casual occasion'.

'Oh, what lovely earrings. Are they topaz?'

'No. Prosthetic testicles actually '

Do you think I could convince MrL to stock them in his shop?

I am very glad to see this update from Woofa - Coco has been very worried about him, and sends him a coy little lick and a big tail-waggle. She is also still recovering from her surgery, especially from the full Brazilian that was apparently neccessary. Jolly draughty in the cold weather, she says.

ha ha, just found this - havent been on pets for a while

pmsl - are you taking the piss out of my woofa

he is fine, all recovered, still licks his non exsistant balls, but has def calmed down

and no more humping my leg

though still likes to sit on me

tho as bella said, he may only weigh 9.5 stone now as lost 7lbs twice lol

Ah, good to hear that Woofa is coping wizout hiz apfelstrudels.

Daphne sends bussi and bisu

Not taking the piss - I find Woofa to be a most charming and eloquent young pup

Personally, I find Woofa to be the most fascinating gentleman here on mumsnet. Coco and I waited for each update with baited breath!

While possibly Coco may have 'baited breath' if she's scoffed a potful of maggots or bacon rinds, I do hope yours is merely 'bated'.

Guten Tag, mein frauleins.

Ist zehr gut to know zat ich bin appreciated. Mein tesicklen were not. Zey vos chucked in ze clinical waste viff ein Yorkie's tooth und ein Poodle's ovaries. Such ein vaste of testosterone, ja?

Grimma - Ich bin liking ze bait joke. Woofa enjoys a good bacon rind gag

MmeLindt - ich bin sending your foxy little fluffball ein humungous rogering. Ich bin zorry to be ein bit crude, but ze sexting ist mein only outlet these days, ja?

You girlies keep ze Woofa Appreciation Society going, ja? Your acknowledgement of mein status as ze Barry White of ze canine world ist very important to mein self-esteem vich has, quite frankly, been decimated by recent events.

Woofa's testicklen vood be so proud!

I am so sad - no personal message for Coco or me?

SDTG - du hast ein other man's name and du wanst ze Woofa to give you ze big love?

Vy canst you not namechange to StayingWoofasGirl?

Ze Woofa love ist zo much bigger and better zan ze puny Scottish actor's attempt.

Coco ist ein fox, mind you. Ein leetel vixen, ja?

Vurry not, mein frauleins. Ze Woofa hast enough love for all of you, Und ein few Giant Schnauzers besides xxxx