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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Right, you can't disinvite a child can you?

43 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 12/03/2015 18:02

I think not. Dd(7) is having a party with only 4 from her class on Sunday. One of the invited girls has given out invites today and not included dd, she is gutted and now doesn't want this child there. Apparently there was lots of "you aren't invited to my party" type stuff going on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 12/03/2015 18:07

Numbers are small for dd's party as its a very expensive price per head. She is in floods of tears here about how mean she was to her today

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 12/03/2015 18:09

Oh dear, I can understand how you feel. Maybe your dd is keener on this girl than she is on your dd, but it sounds as if she was very unkind today. Not sure what you can do about it, though...

stealthsquiggle · 12/03/2015 18:10

Nope. Unfortunately, you can't. You can hope they say no, but that's about it.

FannyFifer · 12/03/2015 18:11

I would cancel her invite.
Do you know her parent, I would tell them exactly why she was no longer invited.
Kids can be so nasty, your poor dd.

Tutt · 12/03/2015 18:12

I would cancel too, if they are taunting then that is bullying, ergo a damn good reason to uninvited.
Your poor girl.

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 12/03/2015 18:13

I don't know what to do . Dd gave out invites 2/3 weeks ago, the other girl gave out hers today, dd's party is on Sunday.

OP posts:

fieldfare · 12/03/2015 18:15

I wouldn't disinvite as that's rather impolite, but I would be calling the child's parents to discuss the bullying behaviour their child has exhibited towards yours.
Then leave it up to them.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 12/03/2015 18:16

Oh dear, I don't think you can disinvite a child but what rubbish timing for the other dc to become a diva. They might all be friends by tomorrow?

Perhaps you could work on the basis that the other girl has dis-invited herself eg call the other child's mum and ask if her DD would prefer not to come to your party since she made it very clear she didn't want your DD at her party? Surely the other mum would understand that if her DD has accepted your invite then she should be your DD's friend and if that's changed then she shouldn't be taking up one of the four places?

HeyDuggee · 12/03/2015 18:16

If she's being mean to her and taunting her and your DD doesn't want her there - why on earth would you still invite the girl? Don't teach your DD to be a people pleasing doormat.

Floggingmolly · 12/03/2015 18:17

In those circumstances, I rather think I would... Call the parents and let them know how unimpressed you are at their dd's behaviour.

Ratbagcatbag · 12/03/2015 18:17

Sorry. But why would you not uninvite the child who's done that your dd? I would.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/03/2015 18:19

"Perhaps you could work on the basis that the other girl has dis-invited herself eg call the other child's mum and ask if her DD would prefer not to come to your party since she made it very clear she didn't want your DD at her party? Surely the other mum would understand that if her DD has accepted your invite then she should be your DD's friend and if that's changed then she shouldn't be taking up one of the four places?"

I would be very tempted to do as APlaceOnTheCouch suggests!

anothergenericname · 12/03/2015 18:21

Another vote for Couch's suggestion

AuntyBrenda · 12/03/2015 18:25

Surely this must be a mix up or something. As a parent, if you knew your DC was invited to someone else's party so close to your own DC's party you would almost insist on them being invited?

fakenamefornow · 12/03/2015 18:25

I think the child's parents are at least partially to blaim for this. At this age ultimately it's the parents who decide who to send party invites to, they knew their child was going to your daughter's party and chose not to send her an invite. I who call to complain about their child's taunting and see what they say. I don't think I'd univite her though

SauvignonBlanche · 12/03/2015 18:26

Couch's suggestion is spot on.

lem73 · 12/03/2015 18:29

I would go with Couch's suggestion.

DancingDinosaur · 12/03/2015 18:31

I'd go with Couch's suggestion too.

mindifidont · 12/03/2015 18:33

I would most definitely uninvite the child!

Otherwise, if this girl isn't very nice, there will be tension at your dd's party which might ruin her big day for her.

zinher · 12/03/2015 18:34

I would absolutely uninvite.

FishWithABicycle · 12/03/2015 18:34

I agree that contacting the parents of this other child and letting them deal with it is the thing to do, but you need to tread carefully so you aren't perceived as angling for an invitation to the other party. You can't buy an invitation to party B by strategic invitations to party A. The issue is the mean bullying behaviour which accompanied the handing out of invites. Let's see, how about:

"Hi (parentname). Totally accept that DD isn't invited to (bullygirl's) party - please don't think I'm asking for this. However, there was quite a bit of meanness when invites were being handed out and I think DD must have got the wrong end of the stick about how close a friend she is to (bullygirl). I don't want DD's party to be spoiled this weekend by the kind of nastiness DD has been telling me about, so could you please sit down with (bullygirl) and check whether she really does want to be friends with DD - if so then of course we still want her there at DD's party"

Would that work?

SylvaniansAtEase · 12/03/2015 18:36

Couch's suggestion, definitely.

It's essentially tackling the issue, isn't it? Call and do as Couch suggests - and I'd make it clear that the bullying element to the no-invite-and-teasing situation makes you think that it's probably better that this girl doesn't attend your DD's party - both for DD's sake and hers.

With any luck, this will alert the girl's parents to the problem behaviour and let's hope they probably agree that she doesn't deserve to come. And if you get a less than positive response, I am sure you can smoothly end the conversation with a brisk 'Well, it seems definitely better to keep the girls a little farther apart at the moment than attending each other's birthday parties, so we'll not be seeing you on Sunday.'

Above all, I'd certainly stick up for my DD in this situation. No way would I see her uncomfortable, upset and feeling let down at her own very small birthday celebration, for the sake of the other girl attending as planned. No way.

Nerf · 12/03/2015 18:39

OMG they're seven! Can't believe how much time people would devote to this - kids are always full of it handing the invitations out. They'll be friends again tomorrow.

AhDinnaeKen · 12/03/2015 18:41

I came on to say that no - you can't ever dis-invite a child - it is just so rude. BUT... in this instance I don't know. If I was you (in an ideal world where I wasn't terrified of confrontation) I would speak to the mum - by text or email if that makes it easier - and explain that your daughter was made aware that she was not invited to the other girl's party which you completely understand as people have to draw the line somewhere, however there was a little bit of unpleasantness and you were wondering if her daughter might actually prefer not to come on Sunday as she and your DD clearly aren't as friendly at the minute as your DD thought, so perhaps she doesn't actually want to come? Make it very clear that she is still invited, however you could say that you wouldn't want anyone to feel that they have to come just because they were invited. That way you maintain your dignity and the moral upper hand, while still making clear to her that her daughter is a brat and giving your daughter a way out.

A similar thing happened to my son, albeit without the nastiness. When he was in P2 there was a boy in his class who had the same birthday as him. They got on well together and while they didn't play together much outside of school they played a lot in school and always raked around in the playground together at the end of the day. My DS sent out his invitations first to 6 other boys in the class including this boy. The mother said no to the invitation and then a couple of days later sent out invitations to her son's party for the day after my DS's and didn't include my DS. He was gutted as it really seemed to him like this other boy wasn't interested in being his friend. There was no nastiness though and so both he and I kept civil and friendly enough with the boy and his mother but he never invited him again.

PedantMarina · 12/03/2015 18:43

Agree with Couch, Fish and Sylvanians. A diplomatic uninvite seems to be in order here.

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